Am I wrong for wanting to meet the new girlfriend?

Question

My children live with their father and he has moved in with his new friend that he has only known for about 2 or 3 months. He says I should not be concerned cause he will let nothing happen to our boys. My issue is I don't know the friend and he doesn't know that much about her to answer my questions except that she is very scary and timid. I think I have a right to meet this friend and express my feelings of concern about my children to her. Am I wrong?

For those of you who seem to think that it was a custody battle and I lost that is not the case. Their father and I are great friends we share custody without the help of the court system.

Answer 1

You are not wrong to want a face-to-face meeting.

Your children are living under the same roof with (as far as you're concerned) a stranger. Its no different if your children were going to a friends house for the weekend...you'd want to meet the child's parents.

If your husband cannot understand this then perhaps he should move himself and his children into another place until he's ready to introduce the new girlfriend to other people besides his children.

Answer 2

The way this question is presented it makes you seem like the victim. I have to wonder why your husband has full custody and you don't guys don't share custody. Although I don't at all agree with it, the courts are usually on the side of the mother and the father gets a hard kick in the pants. The exception is usually if the mother is on drugs or deemed unfit somehow. I have to wonder if you don't have some sort of issue that prevents you from being the one to have custody. I also have to wonder why your ex would not want you to meet his new girlfriend unless you have an explosive personality where you start trouble just by opening your mouth. I've met some people like that and I would understand why your ex would want to steer clear. I'm not being accusatory here so no offense is intended.

To answer your question, provided that your situation is a normal one, you have every right to know anything that would affect your kids. Your ex's girlfriend, no matter how old your kids are, will be interacting with them. You have the right to know that she is sane and will have your kids' best interest at heart. In fact, your ex's girlfriend should want to get to know you to put any fears you may have to rest. It would best if all of the adults in this situation could handle themselves as adults.

Answer 3

I do not think wanting to meet her in a relaxed social environment is wrong to gather your own opinion of her BUT giving her the thrid degree and rattling off demands is stepping over the line.

That is more of my expierence..

My ex will have about 20 questions to interview my new wife and issue threats about how she better take care of her babies but I can't ask who is she dating and how long. Thats an issue right there.

Answer 4

If she is a "real" women she'd demand to meet you so you'd know what her intentions are in your childrens life.
Well Do you really want to meet her for that?
Or to see who's better ,prettier,makes more money,try to be friends with her? If those really your intentions then, I see nothing wrong with it. I can understand how you feel esp if you have young children. She will obviously be involved in their life like shes their mom and that sux. and can make you jealous. Not saying you will be but just saying if it was me i know how I'd feel. Honestly.

Answer 5

If they live with their father, then he obviously has the ultimate decisions on things like that. You can ask to meet her, for your own peace of mind, and especially if hes often meeting new strange women and there is a good chance this wont last long. If the kids lived with you and visited him you would have a lot more right to intervene.

Answer 6

Hell no, your not wrong! It's your right to meet this person and talk to them. She will be around your children and you need to make sure that this person isn't going to harm your children. And your ex should stop being a duckhead and let you meet this person so you can judge with your own two eye. If you really want to be sure you can gon onto sertain sites and run a background check on her, all you need is her first and last name.

Answer 7

Legally, you have no right to do it. Even if you had custody of the children, the law wouldn't force your ex to introduce you to the woman even if she lived with him.

Morally, I don't know. It must be scary to know that your kids are in someone else's home living with someone you don't know. But that's the cost of divorces and breakups with children in the picture. If their father has custody, it must be because the judge felt he was the fit parent - and that his judgment must be acceptable enough to raise them.

Until your children tell you that there's a problem (like substance abuse or her abuse of them), it's really not your business.

ADDED: The information on why you gave custody to your ex was important, so don't get snippy with those of us who assume you did it the "normal" way. And if you guys are such great friends, then why are you worried? You obviously trust him enough to be the custodial parent - and now you think all of a sudden you can't trust his judgment?

Answer 8

well, my concern is why don't you have some custody over the child, if you don't you have no say in this. You should be able to check her out, I know you might be alittle jealous. but go their to check if your children are safe. She'll fake it and be nice, but just ask the children if she is nice to them and daddy

Answer 9

If there were no kids involved or if the kids lived with you, then I would normally say that the new girlfriend would be none of your business. However, you do have a right to know who your kids are living with. I say ask to meet her.

Answer 10

No you're not wrong at all. You are just looking out for the wellness of your children. Now thats good parenting!!