Should I tell my Kids?

Question

My father was just diagnosed with Stage II colon cancer. Mk kids are 10 and 7, do I let them know what is going on? He will be going for chemo and so he will be obviously sick and we only live 15 minutes away.

Answer 1

Yes. This is a good opportunity to sit down and be honest with your children. I know it is hard, but they need to know what is happening in the family. They are a part of the family too and love their grandfather. Allow them to share this time with him . . and, who knows . . maybe it will be good for your father too. Maybe he'll be able to focus on his grandchildren rather than the cancer all the time.

There are some excellent resources and websites to help you explain cancer to children so that they can understand in their own terms. Be as honest as possible . . but it's hard because obviously you don't want to scare them. Just be as calm and as matter of fact as possible . . most kids will react towards a cancer diagnose the same way that they see their parents react. So, keep that in mind.

Talking with Children about Cancer
http://www.cancer.org/docroot/ESN/content/ESN_2_1x_Talking_with_Children_About_Cancer.asp

Talking to children
http://www.cancerbackup.org.uk/Resourcessupport/Relationshipscommunication/Talkingtochildren

KidsHealth: What is Cancer (for kids)
http://www.kidshealth.com/kid/health_problems/cancer/cancer.html

Directory of Cancer sites for Children
http://dmoz.org/Kids_and_Teens/Health/Conditions_and_Diseases/Cancer/

Best wishes. Stay strong.

Answer 2

10 and 7 are old enough ages that they can understand that grandpa is sick. If they see him frequently, they will start to ask questions anyway.

Sit them down and explain that your father has something wrong with his insides (or explain where the colon is) and that he needs to go to the doctors to have them fixed, and that this will make him sick for a while.

They are better off knowing now than later, especially the 10 year old. He's at that age where he probably will soon want to be treated more grown up and just as a kid.

Good luck, and I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Answer 3

It depends on what u and ur spouse agree should be the plan of action with the kids. If u want to tell them be age appropriate with your telling. Reassure them it's not contagious, that Grandpa has good doctors and well just have to take it one day at a time. Restrict your discussion of his illness around the kids. If they overhear adult conversation they could misinterpret and feel they caused it some how. KISS Keep It Short & Simple. Let them know if your family life is going to be altered... so they understand ur not rejecting them just busy taking care of ur Daddy. Maybe give them a simple chore to help u while ur running around... be sure u praise their help. Enlist ur children friends to send Get Well made cards for u Dad especially on the days he feels like crap from the chemo. Also be sure u change his eating utensils to plastic. Metal just taste bad in the mouth during treatment. Taking care of ur self is REALLY REALLY Important. Stress will not only age u but u can catch a cold or worse real easy. So eat right, take ur multi vitamin and get plenty of rest.

Answer 4

Absolutely tell them. Use simple language to explain that "grandpa" is sick and the medicine he needs to take might make him sicker at first. Allow time for processing of the information. If the kids have questions, they will ask them. Give short, simple, direct answers and be honest. When you take the kids to see him, remind them to be gentle. They can comprehend and process just so much so when they are ready for more input, they'll let you know by asking more questions. When they ask you if grandpa's going to die, be honest and say you don't know. If they then want to talk about death, talk about it. Decide now how you personally feel about death so you'll be ready for this. God Bless you all & I hope for the best for your father. I lost mine to cancer.

Answer 5

Yes. Sorry to hear about your dad. My aunt was just diagnosed with stage 4 cancer....after being misdiagnosed with a bunch of other crap for the past six to nine months. Anyway, this is a part of life and your kids are his grandkids so they should know.

Answer 6

I would see if you could get some material from the book store that explains it in a childlike way and yes, I would sit down with them and explain to them what is going to happen to grandpa. With chemo he is probably going to lose his hair and that needs to be addressed as well as what his recovery rate is going to be and how much you as a family need to support him through this time. Disease and death are a normal part of life, my suggestion is not to shelter them but to allow them to grieve with the bad and rejoice with the good. Prayers =)

Answer 7

Absolutely, in an age appropriate way. No matter how tough the situation or how well meaning your motives are, your kids will not appreciate being lied to about what's up with their grandpa.

Others have listed some good resources, but please check www.dougy.org and/or www.centering.org for specific resources about how to tell and help your kids (and the rest of your family) cope. Good luck to your father.

I am a grief counselor and work with kids who have suffered loss.

Answer 8

Tell them! It is better that they know what to expect. Illness can scare children and they may associate the word "cancer" with dying, so be sure to emphasize on the fact that he is doing what he is supposed to be doing to help him get better, but also let them know that sometimes "the medicine" doesn't always help and that grandpa may be really sick for a while.

Praying for your family. Peace be with you.

Answer 9

Yes. You don't have to get graphic or explicit but tell them grandpa is sick; he is going to be spending time at the hospital and at the doctor's office and tell the kids they can pray for him. Also, ask them to write cards or a letter to grandpa. This will do wonders for his morale and outlook. Generally speaking, honesty is the best policy in a case like this, but be sure to explain it in terms your kids will understand.

Answer 10

From experience, the best way to deal with something like this is to tell them everything. I think they'll appreciate the honesty and of course you'll be there to support them. It's better they understand what's going on and don't learn through suspicions and rumours. Good luck.