I dont know what to do. It sounds crazy but my bf (of 7 years) who is aslo my two sons dad is in the middle of trying to get off of cocaine. He keeps doing it but is (I believe) trying to truely stop and be the guy I want him to be, but it is a hard thing to quit. I love our family so much and so does he and it hurts me because I think he really wants to be better and he cant Anyway the point is he is trying to do his best with everything (this week anyway). I have not cheated on him ever and wouldnt want to b/c he did to me in the past and i know how that feels but I like this guy who I have liked in the past when my bf and I had broken up before. I have talked to him a couple times and I know he likes me too, but I dont know if I should stop talking to him all together and see if my bf is really going to change and keep my faith in him or if I should talk to him anyway and assume he will not totally get better ever?
2006-11-29 04:17:42 · 8 answers · asked by Yellowtulips 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
either way my kids are not effected by him leaving or staying becasue i am the one who mainly takes care of them anyway. He does love them and help but he has so much stuff on his plate he doesnt make much time for them, even though he wishes he could I guess.
2006-11-29 04:18:57 · update #1
If your boyfriend is truly attempting and wants to kick the cocaine habit, his next step is to be admitted into rehab. Obviously, he can't do it alone. I know, I have been there and done that.
I think that deep down, you really don't think that he is going to kick this habit since you are talking to someone else. Don't get me wrong, I am not downing you for doing so. I can imagine what kind of hell you yourself go through, been there and done that too. Another thing that you must face up to and realize is that this is having an affect on your children. Those children are going to have to become one of the catalyst that will give him the strength to stop using the coke, but he, and only he, has to make that happen. It will not be easy, it will not be anywhere near easy, but he can do it, but as I said, he has got to want to do it. It is time for you to give him an ultimatum- either the coke, or you and the kids. Tough love is the only way you will ever have a future with this man and it needs to start yesterday. It is time to stop being his enabler. If he will not give up the drugs, then it is time for you to give up on him. Today should be the deadline. Good luck to you.
2006-11-29 04:29:13 · answer #1 · answered by rosey 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are times when trying to do something by yourself (just the two of you) is simply not enough. I don't know what his history of drug use has been. I would suggest a third party (drug counselors) be consulted. In sports, you have the "buddy system", someone to push (motivate)you and also helps you keep accountable. The same applies to reaching your goal to get off drugs. I was able to quit my drug use a loooooong time ago. I did it by myself, but I found something to motivate me. This Thanksgiving Day 2006, I also celebrated, in addition to quiting drugs, the day I quit smoking (14 years ago). This is few and far between. He needs something to motivate him. You need to make this decision together. Abandoning someone during this time adds more stress to the situation. You also need to think of the children, but don't stay if there is physical abuse. You need to make up "your" mind. 7 years is a good amount of time devoted to the relationship. Cocaine use usually means money problems. Are all family members eating well and have health insurance? You may go thru the insurance for free drug counseling or find someone on your own using the community website. No action now, means no results later. Do something! I wish you well.
2006-11-29 04:43:57 · answer #2 · answered by wannabuildaboatguy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should sit your boyfriend down and tell him how much he means to you. That might give him the encouragement that he needs to kick the habit. And right now, I don’t think that you should be talking to anyone else but your boyfriend, he's going through something pretty tough and he needs you there for him. And as far as the kids go, I know this may sound corny and since I don’t know the whole story it may not fit (but if it does, please take it into consideration). If the kids have lived with him, they've kind of got used to him being there, dumping him and him moving out or you and the kids moving out should be the very last thing that you think of doing! Good luck!
2006-11-29 04:34:49 · answer #3 · answered by Little Southern Belle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HI I also have two kids and my husband was just like your only it was hurting my kids . they see more than you think . what i did was i had to make him move out and then i prayed and gave my marriage to GOD> It was a long road finally my prayers were answered. GOD send him to a place called Life Challenge. He was there for a year and it changed his life. he has been home for a tear and is clean we renewed our vows last June. and a month ago he stood up in church and gave his testimonies it was beautiful. so first pray for him , second tell him this cant be in your life and that you will help him. we he sees that he can lose his family that helps them to stop. But make sure that he knows we he is ready to quiet you will stand by him. Remember this is a hard thing to quiet. I will pray for your family Bless you and good luck.
2006-11-29 04:29:17 · answer #4 · answered by Lynda W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get yourself and your kids into a counseling program even if your bf won't go. It's time for you to get your life on the right path. If he isn't ready to go there then move on without him. You can't wait on him forever no matter how much it hurts to leave him behind. Good luck!
2006-11-29 04:28:05 · answer #5 · answered by Shel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he is truly trying to clean up, stick by him because if you leave him it may make things worste for him. if it is worste for him then it is worste for you kids and you do not want that. Stay and get him help as long as he is accepting the help.. sometimes people on drugs just need someone to support them. remember drugs is a choice but when you are addicted it is no more choice, it is a need. they depend on it chemically. so please stick by him unless he gets really bad and does not want help. whatever you do- don't let him drag you down.
2006-11-29 04:23:12 · answer #6 · answered by DoubleD 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cocaine Addicts love cocaine, nothing else.
2006-11-29 04:22:48 · answer #7 · answered by inlovewow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For you and your kids sake make a better life for yourselves.....
2006-11-29 04:35:57 · answer #8 · answered by witchway 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋