How do you get a child to eat dinner when they refuse to eat, saying they don't want to?

Question

My daughter is 3&1/2 yrs. old and for the past several months, getting her to eat is a horrible experience. She says she doesn't want to, her tummy hurts, her legs hurt. But there is nothing physically wrong with her. I try everything until I am almost in tears and my husband eventually will tell her eat or go to bed. She is skinny and I worry about her nutrition. What should we try?

Answer 1

Tell her what you fixed is what you are having for dinner. She doesn't have to eat it, but she won't get anything else. Continue that policy (as well as no snacks) for as long as it takes. Don't make a big deal of her not eating. Just say it matter of factly and go on with your meal. Do not pay attention to her at the dinner table. Just talk to your husband and eat your meal. A lot of this can be about getting attention or about control issues. If you take away the incentive to act out she will eventually get hungry and eat.

On the other hand, if she shows other signs of stress and worry, definitely take it seriously as a potential sign she is anxious or upset about something. Make sure you are there for her to tell you anything that is bothering her.

Answer 2

On Supernanny a couple of weeks ago, she said that food should never be forced to a child, which would just create a traumatic situation for the child and make them even less enthusiastic about food.

She made the parents make two lists of possible things to eat for dinner, then let the children decide which list they wanted to be prepared.

(e.g. Lasagne, peas and carrots with ice cream for dessert OR Chicken pie, potato and cheese with cake for dessert). This made the children be able to make a choice that the parents were happy with. The meal that the children chose would be prepared for dinner.

Then, she made the family always eat the meal around the table together and discuss what had happened that day, without mentioning how little the child had eaten. The family would enjoy the food and conversation, and eventually the child slowly began to join in (the child started slowly picking at the food, but then progressed from there).

Supernanny also encouraged the parents to cheer the child when they did eat the food. She also suggested that all snacks etc be kept away between meal times.

It took a while, but eventually it worked very well.

I really hope this sorts out soon for you- it must be very fustrating for you. Best of luck.

Answer 3

The thing about eating is that no one can really make anyone else eat something if they don't want to. Your daughter is battling dinner time because it is a control issue. She will continue to battle dinner time as long as you make it a war. Dinner time should be a relaxing time for the family not as stressful as yours has become. First and foremost, your daughter will NOT starve herself. Your job as parents is to offer her healthy meals and snacks and her job is to choose what and when she wants to eat. Take all discussion out of her eating. If you choose to, you can require her to sit at the table with you as a family until everyone is done regardless if she eats or not. Or, you can excuse her from the table, but then remove her plate. If she comes back for it, she needs to be told that her food has been thrown away and she'll have to wait until the next meal to eat. She'll pitch a fit and tell you she is just "starving", but don't buy into it or feel sorry for her. She only has to miss a few dinners before she will know you mean business. Do not become a short order cook and feed her whenever and whatever she wants. If you have ever feed her something later after she has refused dinner, she knows she does not have to eat dinner because mom will let me have something better later. It may take several days or weeks of consistency, but I guarantee that if you serve dinner, let her choose to eat or not eat with no begging, pleading, promises, or threats, and remove the food if she doesn't eat, that dinner will become a peaceful family time. She will NOT starve herself, remember that. Plus if she gets something from all the 4 food groups in a week's time, she will receive the nutrition that her body needs.

Answer 4

Quit worrying! Give her a vitamin and let her be. She'll eat when she's hungry. If it makes you feel better give her one of those drinks like Ensure only for kids. Any Dr. will tell you the same thing! Offer her food at regular meals, if she does not eat, wait til the next meal and try again. Don't let her train you to fix something different or give her snacks. She eats what the family eats, when they eat it or she waits til the next meal. Otherwise you'll end up with other problems with her when she does eat! Bring happiness back in your house! Good Luck!

Answer 5

Eating at this age is a power struggle , Calories can be snuck in... she may just be small.. I have a difficult eater he only wants to eat what he wants when he wants it this is very common at a young age... But who cares if he wants cheese for breakfast, or soup 5 days in a row... there are no rules... A toddlers stomach is only about as big as their fists so maybe she really is full and watch punishing her she will start associating food with it... Note my son loves veggies as well he will eat whole cans of green beans .... Give her what she likes this is a stage that will soon pass....
One thing that has helped a great deal is we go to lunch with another mother and her young child then he eats better... note the other child at home eats only scrambled eggs with ranch dressing.....

Answer 6

Do not allow her to have any snacks 3 hours before a meal. Sounds like one of my grand daughters; if something is being served she does not like - she comes up with more excuses than I've heard in a life time. Put a plate in front of her, if she refuses to eat then cover the plate and reheat it for her next meal. Eventually she will eat it. My daughter-in-law had to do this with her girls because she got tired of throwing food away.
When my first boy was a this stage - he wouldn't eat. It worried me and I asked his doctor about it. The doctor replied "don't worry about it - he'll eat when he's hungry".
The main thing, for you, is do not allow her to tell you what to do - you are the parent - not her. Keep reheating the meal until she finally eats it all - she won't like it but just tell her "you're not getting anything else until all of this food is gone!" Stick to your guns; this will work and she will eat again.

Answer 7

I agree with your hubby. Tell her to eat or go to bed. And I would try not to let the child see how bothered you are by the fact that she won't eat. She's trying to get a reaction out of you, testing her boundaries ect. If you actually send her to bed without dinner she might just be hungry enough to eat the next day without the drama.

Answer 8

this is very common for toddlers. she will eat when she is hungry. sometimes a plate of food might seem overwhelming to her- this happens with elderly folks as well. try keeping healthy finger food available for when she is hungry- cut up apples (treated with a little lemon juice) or peanut butter sandwiches cut into little squares, assuming there is no nut allergy- yogurt is a favorite of some children too- as my doctor told me years ago- don't sweat it- they are healthy and they obviously aren't living on just love and sunshine :o)

my kids grew out of this phase quickly- they are now 17 and 18 and the smallest is 6 foot tall *LOL*

Answer 9

They go through growth spurts and also lengths of time when they are not growing and need far less food...........double check with your Dr but as long as she is healthy she'll eat when she is hungry. When she goes through a growth spurt she will eat a lot more. Forcing her to eat could make all kinds of trouble in later life with eating habits.

Answer 10

Husband is right.. We tell our kids that if they do not eat what we serve them, they can go hungry until they do. They get nothing else to eat. After a while, when they get hungry, they always end up eating what we serve (even if it is hours later and cold, or the next day...)

If you give in to your childs manipulative behavior, then it will just reinforce that behavior.