Should I feel guilty?

Question

I have got a feeling that I should feel guilty and I definately know that I did an awful thing. I'm 24 met someone 35 years older than me at work, she told me she was abused as a child and that she was currently in a relationship with a man for past 3 years who was living with his girlfriend. I really liked her, attractive, funny but divorced with 3 kids. I entered into a sex relationship with her which lasted for a year and got to know her well and treated her with so much love and respect.

People confronted me at work to say that she was using me and had me wrapped around her finger. It was around this time she started sleeping with some other random stranger and I had a go at her to say that she should not give herself away as easy.

I feel like I am finally thinking and feel guilty, for sleeping with someone who had been abused, afraid that she thinks of me as an abuser no we have no contact. Do women that have been abused hate men?

Answer 1

I kind of take offense to that because I am one of the women that was abused as a child and no i do not hate men i have been happily married for 8 years now.next question.

Answer 2

I have a feeling you entered into this relationship with good intentions and so did she. There is a reason why remaining a virgin is a good idea. One is so that you don't take alot of baggage into your marriage and start with a fresh, new & excited outlook.

Abuse is abuse, but sexual abuse whether it be from a stranger or self inflicted will probably affect any relationship a person enters into. I believe it takes a very long time for someone to work through this and don't think they are ever truly able to trust.

Add in the mix a failed marriage and then you've got a world of turmoil. It's my personal feeling people don't divorce because the have no love for each other, I believe it is because they are (bottom line) dissappointed with one another.

I also believe listening to other people & professionals in how to deal with your relationship is the biggest mistake you can make. All people look through their life experience, lessons, etc to tell you what to do. They can't tell you what to do, they are not you. In addition, they are not going to live in the decision you make day after day. So the consequence doesn't even affect them. You know in the pit of your stomach what is right & wrong. You know !!!

As a younger woman I seemed to find those men who had abusive personalities, one way or another. Somehow this fed something I needed (not getting into that now) and it fed something they needed too.

I can't speak for other women who have been abused by men but can say, I don't hate men. I will say, as a women I am fearful if a man is following me, I am very cautious when I come out of shopping center's, I hope I don't break down on a dark road in the middle of the night. I say, this to instill there is a certain fear of men that I think a woman uses to protect herself. This has to affect us in some way.

And with all that said, when a woman has love in her heart, has a loving & supportive husband, who treats her with respect and honors her, there is NO fear but complete abandonment. She will give you everything she has and then some. Just be sure when you make that commitment it is for life and do this for the both of you.

I will beg you to remain faithful to the woman you will marry from this day forward. Put behind you all of the past relationships that damage the way you think and wait on her to come. It will happen when you least expect it and you will know it's her. So make that vow, that commitment to her today that you will honor her by remaining sexually pure until your wedding night. This is a commitment that will give her peace all the days of her life. She will know you are someone who can be trusted. You loved her so much today you decided to wait for her.

Wow, that's a man with great integrity and moral ethics. That's a man who loves beyond society's point of view and relishes a precious gift - his wife, her body and their life together.

I say, go for it!

Hopes this helps

Answer 3

She's playing you. She's older then you has more experience and a track record and you still bit. So your friends may have just cause. Maybe they know something you don't. Abused people can act different ways. Sometimes to punish themselves. To get back at guys or sometimes cuz they are just broken. The question is (as she's 59-60 so she's set in her ways), do you really think you could have done something? Your relationship couldn't work anyway.

She's sliding in between relationships. She doesn't need a man she needs a counselor if she's really been abused. Otherwise she could just be feeding you a line to get you to go into protector mode as most guys do. She's had more life experiences which gives her more to pull from in the aspects of human behavior.

You shouldn't feel guilty. You tried to do soemthing noble. It's just not your call and much bigger then you.
Take it as a learning experience and move on. Hopefully you learned a few things you can apply moving forward in your life.

Answer 4

It's not that they hate men but the majority that get through it make a vow to themselves to NEVER be SUBSERVIENT to a man again. This usually means they don't want to get close to a man, and well use them.

You dont' know what it's like to feel subsurvient, to walk on egg shells around someone for a few years just because you are frightened of them... so every word that comes out of your mouth you try to sugar coat. It's exhausting. You fall asleep at night wondering why your still alive, and if you could get away from him and if you did leave him if he would follow you and try to kill you. In the car if he gets angry at another driver, you can't say anything or he might blow a fuse and kill both of you. Then you start making excuses to your family... oh hes grumpy today, were doing fine, I fell down the stairs.... I called you by accident, im fine just called the wrong number.

Get the drift?

Answer 5

Are you sure she was abused? If she had you wrapped around her little finger, how would you know she was telling you the truth about anything? She may have been playing you and that was her little made up story.

Answer 6

ok first off if she was feeling bad about it than she wouldnt have done it right than why woudl u feel guilty it happened to her and that is sad but people do move on in their life so she had sex with you and she didnt mind bc it went on for a whole year she let u in dont feel bad about it you cant change the past she was willing so why feel guilty

Answer 7

I don't think you should feel guilty, but I don't think you should have had a sexual relationship with her. Especially if you knew she was abused....but what's done is done!!

Answer 8

No, don't feel guilty about anything. You stayed with her and showed her how much you cared for her. She's the one that can't handle staying with one partner. If anything, she is the one who should feel guilty, not you.

Answer 9

well she let you do it and ummm its probably her fault anyways and she shouldnt just give it away like that anyways i totally agree with you

Answer 10

you had free no strings attached s.e.x. for a year, man up and say thank you to the s.l.u.t, then let her know your still available to receive oral from time to time.