FOUR DAYS AGO I RECEIVED AN E-MAIL FROM SON TELLING ME MORE OR LESS WHAT A LOUSY MOTHER I HAD BEEN--HOW WOULD YOU REPLY AFTER SUCH A LETTER ABOUT CHRISTMAS DAY?
2006-11-29 02:17:00 · 11 answers · asked by maddy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I would ask him if I was such a terrible mother then why did you invite me over for brunch? None of us are perfect, so why has he waited so long to suddenly tell you this, if it was so bad? Can he give examples of why he thinks this? Does he have a wife that doesn't like you and has finally worn him down? That is really wierd, I am sorry your son is treating you that way. Parenting is a system of trial and error and all we can do is try our best and how would he feel if his kids said something like that to him? There is no reason to cause conflict especially when you are a grandparent and he needs to show his kids how to respect their elders, this is not a situation where you can take a do as I say not as I do approach. You can set the example and take the higher road!
2006-11-29 02:26:11 · answer #1 · answered by lvminole 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It depends on how much you want to see your grandchildren.
As hard as it may be, I would focus a bit on what your son said. Is there *any* truth to it? Are there any valid reasons for him feeling that way? I know you're hurt, and I can certainly understand that - but most people don't send those kinds of letters out of the blue without at least believing what they write.
I would talk to your son - tell him that you're devastated that he feels that way and that your only interest now is repairing what he thinks is broken. If he's abusive about it, protect yourself emotionally. None of us are perfect mothers, and we know that, so maybe finding some grain of truth in his email to start from would help?
Tough situation, and I'm really sorry you have to go through this. Good luck.
2006-11-29 02:33:28 · answer #2 · answered by tagi_65 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We all make mistakes as parents, many of them. My parents were the best at messing up. But you know what I have too and I acknowledge it without losing my children's respect. However, my mother refuses to admit that she had any part in a mistake. As an adult child, I think sometimes we need to hear that some decisions made by our parents had quite a negative impact on our well being. Not an excuse for the woes in our life, but just a little reminder that they loved us though did not always make the best decisions.
I practice this with my kids and fess up if I wasn't thinking clearly about the consequences of my actions. Then I remind them of how tough it is to be a parent and that someday when they have children of their own they too will make mistakes and learn from the ones I made. I tell them that my parents made mistakes, and that I try not to make the same ones with them.
I guess what I am trying to say is that the two of you need to have a real heart to heart and resolve this, instead of blowing up and ruining Christmas. Call him, you are still his mother and even though he is grown as a mother you need to make the first move to put this behind you guys.
2006-11-29 02:32:49 · answer #3 · answered by stacey h 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Kindly say to your son that although you would love to be there for your grandchildren, in the best interest of maintaining peace on such a blessed holiday, you decline the invite. Let him know that its best that the issues he has are resolved before attending another family outing, so that others are not made to feel uncomfortable by the tension between the two of you.
2006-11-29 02:27:16 · answer #4 · answered by mindquest 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you did the best you could with what you had when he was growing up then your not a lousy mom. You need to find out why your son feels this way. Call him ask if he would like to go eat or come over you would like to talk to you about what is wrong or bothering him. the sooner you get that out of the way the better. Just ask if you are still welcome for christmas.
2006-11-29 03:47:27 · answer #5 · answered by samcamcam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Determine if he really feels this way toward you.
2. Determine if he just spouted off, but does not feel this way toward you all the time.
Once you have found out how he really feels then you can make a better decision on how to handle this situation.
My concern is that grown children now days try to manipulate their parents by throwing up past mistakes so they can make their parents feel guilt so the grown children can control and suck the life out of their parents to gain materially or financially.
Life in general people don't hang out with people that don't like them. I understand he is your son and those are your grandchildren but just maybe if your son thinks you are so terrible then maybe he would wake up to how wonderful you are if he went on extended period of time not benefiting by your presence or your gifts.
Seeing you enjoying life can be a great wake up call to an ungrateful son. Just a thought!!!
2006-11-29 02:41:36 · answer #6 · answered by Shawna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would set up lunch with him and openly talk about what is bothering him. Listen. Don't get defensive and talk through it. I am hoping you both have the ability to do that. It is not easy. He may really have some anger towards you that needs to be resolved. I am sure my kids will. I made a whole lot of mistakes, being a really young mom. If you do this and it gets worked out, it seems like a win, win. You get to smooth out a relationship with your kid, you get to see your grandchildren...maybe more than you do now...it might just bring you closer to your son than you are now. Don't let your pride get in the way.
2006-11-29 02:25:40 · answer #7 · answered by smilinlikecrazy 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why not purchase him a set of small products that relate to his new got here upon reason. you ought to purchase him a e book about Haiti and perhaps something about earthquakes considering Haiti became profoundly impacted with the help of an earthquake. Do you provide your little ones allowances? What about getting him a very effective piggy monetary company and tell him it really is for saving a number of his money a week to donate to a baby's reason once a year around the holidays. and also you ought to take some money (you ought to an 8 year previous $50 ought to appear like a million greenbacks) and ask him if he ought to favor to donate that to the little ones of Haiti. If it became me and my newborn i ought to target to honour his request. Your son appears like a tremendous youngster.
2016-11-27 21:00:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would call my son and talk to him in person...hear him out and let him tell you his feelings. There is more to this story that we don't know. Apologize if you feel it's appropriate and go over for Christmas to share in the joy of your Grandchildren. It's the holiday season...time for love and forgiveness.
2006-11-29 02:24:08 · answer #9 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you think your son is right then admit it and be sorry about it and do steps to correct it. Seek counselling if possible.
If you think that your son is wrong then tell him and explain yourself.
2006-11-29 02:25:58 · answer #10 · answered by mrs P 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋