I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year now, and we have discussed marriage numerous times, and I love HIM and have no doubt that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. The problem is that he has a sister that is very attached to him. Eg: If she calls, he drops everything to go to her....he will break plans with me, if she wants to go out, and that is very frustrating. I have attempted to invite her to dinner, and to do things, and she always negates my offers so I hav estopped including her in my life. The worst part about it, is that she influences his parents, and he doesn't make it better by not inviting my to do things with his family. I have discussed these things with him, and explained to him how uncomfortable they make me feel, and it has gotten me no where. I do not want to make him choose between me and his family, but I have no idea what else to do. I have even suggested moving to another state....Please help.
2006-11-29 00:59:59 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I suspect you have already talked to him about this and got nowhere. You're in a struggle for control with the sister. She is feeling insecure about her importance in his life since you showed up. You did try and get to know her and that was shut down. Do this--nothing. This is for them to get over or his to fix. It is his family. I'm sure if he knew how much it hurt you, he would get to the bottem of this before you get married, and before they can conjure up some fake reason not to like you.
2006-11-29 01:06:06 · answer #1 · answered by donewiththismess 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This issue goes deep and I'm sure you already realize that but here it goes.....any man that is not willing to leave the nest is probably too immature to handle a relationship.
He knows that there is a bridge bx you and his family and he consistently chooses his family over you. First, there shouldn't be a choice...you should be socializing together. second, if he's not putting a stop to his behavior his mom and sister's behavior will only worsen towards you.
That type of behavior is unacceptable and I would have one more sit down with him but don't make your talk in vain. Be prepared to take action.....in other words be prepared to break off the relationship if he's not willing to stand up for you.
Marriage is about "Forsaking All Others"!!!! and he isn't even remotely close to doing that.
Good Luck!!!!!
2006-11-29 01:07:12 · answer #2 · answered by Wife~and~Mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you told him that this is a serious problem for you and that it may get worse after marriage? Does he know that unless the problem is corrected that there may not be a wedding???
He needs to stand up for you and speak to his sister. You are about to be his wife. He should not have to "choose" between his wife and his family but he needs to listen to you and to include you in events with his family.. the two families are about to merge!
Can you imagination the holidays at the in-laws?? :(
Let him know that this is a very serious problem and that you do not want it to continue on any longer as it may get worse after you tie the knot.
2006-11-29 01:13:49 · answer #3 · answered by truthwalker7 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you 'want to spend the rest of your life' with someone, dont' forget they generally come with as a set with the family.
Hang on...is this soon to be sister in law from New Jersey? There's your problem. I haven't met many sane, considerate people from New Jersey.
I even call it "New-Fecking-Jersey." I've been there before, and I refuse to ever go back. Lifetime Ban.
Tell him to move with you to a civilized area or else forget about him. There are plenty of places in the country to find men that don't live where they eat their own children. Or whatever.
2006-11-29 01:04:01 · answer #4 · answered by CSlave 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Fiance has serious priority problems. If his sister is treating you like crap and fiance is prioritizing her requests for his time, you're overdue for a talk.
Premarital counseling would be a darn good idea.
Moving to another state isn't the solution. The guy who is putting others first would move with you.
2006-11-29 01:05:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she says jump and he asks how high, do you really want a life long relationship with someone like that? Sounds like he hasn't given up the strings. It's fine to be close to your family, but not at your expense. He should be protecting you and taking care of you. Moving? Yes, I suggest you move as far away from him and as quickly as possible.
2006-11-29 01:10:42 · answer #6 · answered by Alterfemego 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have no other choice... He has to choose between you and his sister.... Do you think when you get married its going to get better???Noway.. not untill this is straighten out....If she has that much influence over him then you need to sit down with him and let him know your not going to take this anymore.. It will force him to see the light and hopefully come to his sences.. if this dosent work then you gonna have decide if this is what you want for the rest of your life....
2006-11-29 01:09:22 · answer #7 · answered by ceemagiclydia 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"Kill her with kindness!" Believe me, it works. Just keep trying and being nice. Continue to be the lovely, respectful lady I assume you already are. Try being overly nice at times. Your boyfriend will realize that you're not the one being unruly and rude. And she'll realize how foolish she is acting and how stupid she looks for treating someone so nice, so wrong! And his parents will love you for being so strong and able to put up with her crap. Best believe, her parents know she is a little (you know what!)
2006-11-29 01:36:06 · answer #8 · answered by ♥LadyC♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When i was dating a guy before we got married this is the way he acted towards his aunt and i loved him very much too,but we got married and it only got worse than when we were dating.She became very controlling and ofcourse he listened to her.so if things dont change while you are dating then dont marry him he will only put you 2nd and her first.
2006-11-29 01:08:12 · answer #9 · answered by dee30 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he needs to remain married to his family.I dated a fraternal twin and she made my life a living horror.I can't compete with someone that apparently has mind control over my mate.What are you going to do now
2006-11-29 01:06:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋