My family likes to hurt my feelings and make me feel small....?

Question

This year I was unable to go to Thanksgiving at my mom's house because I had to work. My mom said we'd have a separate little dinner on saturday when I got there. We all sit down to dinner and my parents, sisters and brothers start talking about this cruise they're planning to take together, that no one has even told me about! I should explain that we're all grown adults but I am the only one that is a single parent, and they know I can't afford a trip like that. But to talk about it during the only Thanksgiving dinner I had? Isn't that a little insensitive? It hurt my feelings and when I told my mother & sister they blew it off and said that there was no reason to be hurt and I just need to get over it. I ended up hanging up on my sister yesterday because she made some very rude and personal comments - with it so close to the holiday I really don't want to speak to any of them. What would you do? Would that situation hurt your feelings?

Answer 1

This would hurt my feelings too, and I completely understand. yes, I think it was mean to bring that stuff up about the cruise. They know you can not afford it, and obviously they know you were not invited, so it was rude to talk about it at the dinner table. They could mention it to you sometime, but should not make a whole conversation revolve around that. I think that's very rude when people do this. it leaves you in a position where you either have to change the subject or be quiet!
I think they are being insensitive to you. I am sorry you are in that situation. My family and I have not always gotten along. My mother treated me like dirt after I got married (before I had kids). Mainly because of disagreements that occurred over wedding plans! To this day, i don't think she'll ever get over the things that did not go her way for that wedding. However, enough time has passed (almost 10 years) and there are now 3 grandkids.
I would distance myself because I don't think they will understand how you feel. Are there other people you could spend the holidays with? I would go see the family but spend only a short time there and be civil and nice, and get it over with. But emotionally, I would not invest anything in them. If someone says something hurtful, just keep your expression blank or walk away.
You need to spend time with people who really care about you.

Answer 2

I would have to say your skin is a bit to thin. Honestly, this shouldn't bother you. They are discussing something that is gonna take place and just because you can't go don't make it wrong for them to talk about it. You made the decisions for your life that you made; now you have to live with them. They shouldn't have to walk around on egg shells for you cause you feel you are lacking in some areas. Maybe they didn't say anything to you cause they know you can't go. Now to me asking you to go on an expensive cruise would be insensitive. So just love your family and leave that petty stuff behind you. You are all adults aren't you? Oh apologize! By the way I am curious of what you sister said.

Answer 3

Hon, your feelings are taking things out of proportion - you knew you couldn't afford to go, so instead of taking the "oh woe is me, everyone walk on eggshells around me" attitude, why did you not join in on the conversation and wish them a happy time?

If you had never heard of this little cruise, if it had never even been brought up, would your life be any less wonderful? No, of course not. It sounds like you are jealous and therefore cannot see past the end of your hurt nose to wish them a good time.

Look, emotions are entirely unreliable - don't go by them, don't live your life accordingly or you will be in for some seriously hard times. Let it go, enjoy your family (even if you don't like them lol) and have a great holiday season! That is what you will remember in the future.

Answer 4

HI lou,
i can understand that u felt very hurt with those comments and those talks about the trip n all... but hun, ur mom is right, u shd get over it, they might be trying to make u lil uncomfortable but then when u know u cant go on a trip like that.. just dont show that u wanted to.. there are a lot of things that u can do staying back and can make urself happy... Its life and in this life .. no one is urs.. except the one who supports u in lows.. and highs.. and u need to learn from it.. if u will b a support to someone and in return someone supports u.. they r there for u.. not the one who giveu a tease and make fun of u.. or make nasty comments abt u.. but yeah dont stop talking to ur family people.. can stay away for sometime till ur head cools down.. but in the end they r ur family... so stick to them,....they will understand ur importance when ull stand by them,...dont worry and cheer UP...
deeps

Answer 5

You cant let other people's comments get you regardless of family.
My family is the same way and I am single parent just like you (the only one) Some times I feel as though they try to put me down also, I use to let it bother me but now I don't and guess what they don't do it to me anymore.

Just know they love you and they are not perfect nor are they above you (even if they think they are). They put there pants on one leg at a time just like you.

And so what if you can't go on the cruise with them, you will have other opportunities to do other things enjoyable things.

Don't internalize things that people say to you, cause it is only hurting you not them. I know from experience if you don't react to the negative things that people say to you eventually they get bored and stop.

Answer 6

I've been there, and I'm still there. My entire family, with the exception of my dad and brother, are extremely insensitive to me. I think partly they're literally not as sensitive as people, so they actually don't realize they're hurting your feelings. My family will always tell me I'm 'being too sensitive'. Um, hello? Don't they care that they're hurting feelings? I think they honestly don't understand.

I've had a really difficult time in the past few years dealing with my family, because I try to tell them what hurts me and they either don't understand or don't care. But I think you'll really regret it later if you don't try to get them to understand your point of view.

The advice that I can give you is-
1. Before you speak with them, think beforehand about specific examples of things they have said or done, and how they hurt you.

2. When you speak with them, try very hard to not get 'emotional'. Sometimes insensitive people are put off by crying or hearing stress in your voice, which happens naturally to you because... you're stressed out!

It's unfortunate, but you may not really get through to them. You might just have to accept the fact that they are who they are, and they don't really understand you or the situation you're in. And it's up to you where you want the relationship to go, but you owe them, and yourself, and your child(ren) giving them the opportunity to make it right.

Answer 7

Yes that would hurt me too. My family makes me feel the same way all the time and where all adults . sometimes family members can be so hurtful and when you try to tell them what their doing or saying hurts you they act like it's nothing . people forget what might not hurt you might hurt someone else. sometimes families forget what family is all about... their not suppose to put you down or to hurt you in anyway their supposed to be their for you anytime you need them. In a lot of families their is to much jealous and envy people get very threaten when your too strong and you obviously are very strong to be a single mother and working so just keep your head up and don't let them bring you down

Answer 8

first off I shall tell a story about my family. Years ago I found out that my neice was getting married. I met her fiance at a family funeral..not the time nor place to get all friendly, right? Well, my daughter and I were NOT invited to the wedding because the fiance thought I was not really friendly. Imagine my hurt when no one in my family said "that's not right, we go as a family or we don't go".
I told this story because I think it is similar to yours, the "left out" feeling hurts in the deepest part of your soul. You have every right to feel sad, hurt and angry. It's how you're going to handle it now. I wish you luck, I wish you strength. Be well.

Answer 9

I understand why that would hurt your feelings. But my brothers and sisters get together with children and go do stuff together all the time and never invite me and my family. But you what, The little things my family does together by ourselves is GREAT!! My husband and I can concentrate on our children and have fun with them and not worry about anyone else. I love it because then we do not miss anything. Like those little silly looks, or the biggest smile.

Dear let it go. Just enjoy what you have. But when it is time to get together with family go and enjoy that to. Life is to short to carry animosity.
LOL

Answer 10

ok! permit me permit you realize what my chum did those days. My chum and her hubby were jointly for terribly nearly 9 years whilst they desperate to get married. they are the two expert human beings. they have 3 large childrens, and needed a quiet family individuals purely wedding ceremony. properly they have been figuring out to purchase it themselves, and then the "mothers" began making snide comments approximately how, what, whilst, the place, why and how they have been doing issues. After some emotionally heated arguments they observed as off the marriage they have been making plans. properly this modification into in december of 2006.They desperate to place it off, because of the fact my chum have been given ordinary right into a PA application. so they bought their homestead, and moved. properly then they desperate to get married on Valentine's day of 2008 in the united statesvirgin islands with purely their infants in attendance. that they had their total holiday planned. properly they have been given wind that the "mothers", have been making plans to secretly come down, and be there whilst they have been given married. It exchange into his father that permit the cat ouf of the bag. so they canceled all of their plans, have been given their money decrease back, and went to Vegas and have been given married on Christmas Day. The "mothers" have been particularly disillusioned, yet they ultimately understood that their infants are grown, with infants of their very own. there is not any longer something incorrect with eloping. My suggestion would be to tell your dad and mom why your desirous to get married. Logistics, time, distance, making plans. Have your dad and mom throw you the two a extensive social gathering this summer season whilst it particularly is extra handy. solid luck.