My 9 year old daughter has suddenly turned into a "teenager" with attitude!! HELP!!?

Question

She is defiant, moody, questions everything I say. And yes she is getting into trouble and is punished (privleges removed)
Has anyone else had these problems with a 9 year old? And how have you handled it??

Yes, father is still at home, and home environment is good, healthy, christian family. She also is open with me, we talk all the time. It's not all bad. I just wonder why she has changed from nice little 8 yr old to a moody 9 yr old.

clarify above "she is getting into trouble"
I mean with us, being punished, privleges removed and a swat or 2

Answer 1

I have always found discipline followed up with a consequence, then topped off with more discipline works best. The discipline which works best for me is communication (talks, very long talks on what acceptable behavior is, and what is not) for the consequence, try time outs, long time outs, taking favorite toys away, grounding, and spanking (my old reliable, lol)

I think girls hit their trying stage at around 8-10, If not stopped it could go on until 16. My oldest daughter got really out of hand @ the age of 8, but I feel responsible, since I let her null me asleep with her sweetness through her 5-7s. I let her get away with way to much, she just kept pushing the issue. In the end, she endangered her life, that's when we resorted back to what works. SPANKING. Yes I know it's not popular, but it works. My oldest is now 10 with out the huge attitude, lying, sneaking, bratty problem she was showing during ages 8 and 9. I recommend stopping this behavior in it's tracks now rather then waiting. I am not saying to beat the tar out of her, but a good old fashioned spanking on the bare hiney, helped cure our daughter. Don't just do the swat thing, make the spanking something to remember.
If I were in your situation, I would do what we call our 3 strikes rule for her bad behaivor or being defiant. first time=warning, second=taking toy, or privilege away, third=spanking. With my oldest 2 daughters, I have only had to give one spanking each for our 3 strikes policy. They always do what is asked after the warning.

Good Luck

Answer 2

It might be worth speaking to her friends parents first.

If you stop her from doing things, she's going to feel embarassed and isolated from her friends, and will probably detest you for it and rebel even more.

If you can organise some kind of scenario with the other parents i.e. if you say she can't go out/go out later than a certain time then make sure the other parents have a similar setup with their children. If she wants to start wearing miniskirts- make sure none of her friends parents allow their daughters to wear miniskirts.

Also, if you have an older girl in the family- older sister, older cousin, friend of the family, you might find that she'll look up to them more as they're not an adult. That way, you can influence your daughter without having to be 'the baddie'.

Have a talk with her, without arguing, get the two of you a takeout pizza, some cokes, and rent a video and try to appear more of a friend to her than a punisher. You may find she'll open up more that way and tell you what her problem is. It could be pressure at school to act older than she is, it may be bullying, it may be boredom, jealousy of siblings, materialistic things etc. Ask her directly what will cheer her up.

Does her father still live at home?

Answer 3

I've taught nine year olds for eight years, many girls go through this pre-puberty stage. Talk to her about her attitude, ask her what she think is an appropriate way to behave, and what you expect of her. If you can't get to her now she will be a disaster by the time she turns 13 and the hormones have taken over. Watch her favorite t.v. shows with her, sometimes girls act like the snots they watch on t.v. Analyze the situations you see in t.v. and talk to her about appropriate behavior. I agree getting to know her best friends might give huge insight. Plan a get together or sleep over to see how they behave. She says she doesn't care but she's acting out for attention, and she really needs your love and guidance. She's getting older, and thinks she's grown up, but she's probably really scared and unsure of the new her.

Answer 4

I am sorry you are going through this. 9 year olds are starting to figure out who they are. They start to be more self reliant. They want decisions, and to feel like they have a choice. Start giving her more choices. If she doesnt have chores, give her some. She needs to start to understand how a family is run. We started chores with my 12 year old when she was about 6, and now, she is part of the "running of the household". Sit down with her and let her know that she is going to be treated like a pre teen. And with that come responsibility. Ask her if she wants to be treated as such. At the age of 9-11 a childs mind is rewired. It is preparing the mind to be able to grasp the concept of time, reasoning, and responsiblity. I am not going to lie to you.. it only gets worse. Keep doing the same things that you are doing.... taking away priveledges and such. Make sure to stick to your guns on these things. If you give in, then she knows that she can get away with it next time and doesnt think twice next time. Keep taking away till it hurts. You will find out what is MOST important to her. Make sure that you keep the lines of communication open now. You will be thankful you did down the road.. I know I am. Positive reenforcement is also important Thank her for what she does right.. and guide her for what she does wrong. Stay strong. Dont let her walk on you now... because later.. WOW it is much harder. Good Luck!!!

Answer 5

I can't help you, but I can tell you my son,8, is the same way. Attitude is bad, but grades are perfect so it's a bit tricky. Lucky he doesn't get into trouble at school, his father told him he'd take away anything that plugs in [other than a lamp of course]. He got into trouble once, was told that and hasn't been into trouble at school yet. Now, I just need to get him straightened out at home. I've been getting a bit tougher on him since this new attitude has started. It's hard because you know they are still young children but they don't act it!

Answer 6

My daughter is also 9 with a major attitude....she has started rolling her eyes at us and talking back, and it seemed like it happened over night. I went in and talked to her teacher and found out that she has a whole new group of friends and her teacher said that she wasn't acting like that at school until she got the new friends. She said that she is treating some of the kids at school badly, and sometimes gets an attitude with even her.
So, this is what I did...and it seemed to help for now....we will see how long it lasts.....when she got an attitude with me the last time I sat her down and asked her this....."do we treat you like you are treating us" she said no....so I said "do you want us to, because we don't like being talked to like this and I think you need to know how it feels" she said no, but continued to act terrible....so we started treating her like she was us. When she would say something we would roll our eyes and act like she didn't exist and when she would talk about something she knew about we would ask her questions and make her second guess herself and feel badly. It hurt me to do that to her, but she came to me later and told me that she was sorry, and it hasn't happened since....it's been 2 weeks. I called her teacher the other day and she said that Cheyenne (my daughter) was even starting to act better towards the kids in her class. I'm hoping that this continues, because if it doesn't I don't know what else to do.
Good luck with your daughter; and remember tough love isn't mean as long as you don't go too far. It never hurt anyone to be treated how they were treating others. It makes them think.

Best wishes.

Answer 7

Every single child reaches the age where they are a bit moody and affected by hormones. Different people react to it differently.

If your daughter is getting into trouble tell her to stop it, explain to her it is wrong and if she does not stop, you have to sit down and speak to her about regretful consequences.

Remember, every person is different, whether they go through this phase earlier or later.

Maybe, it is something else than she has been influenced by in school. Ask her what is wrong and if she tell you its something to do with the above, ignore it and if she doesn't stop, follow the advice I gave you.

Answer 8

I think that kids are maturing earlier than they used too. My daughter who is 14 was like that at that age. She also got her period when she was 11, so it is likely that your daughter is getting ready to start puberty and that's why she's so moody. Just make sure that you continue to be the parent and don't put up with her back talk but don't be so much of a hard *** that she won't come to you when she has problems.

Answer 9

I don't know what your beliefs are, but my son at about that age started being very defiant and I used a little bit of back-end persuasion. Give her the option to start acting and doing better and if she doesn't tear it up a couple of times. If that doesn't work, I suggest counseling. You also might check and see what type of kids she is hanging out with. It could be peer pressure.

Answer 10

That's when it started with my daughter (being defiant and moodiness) and it's pretty normal. Puberty is on the way! I dont know what you mean by trouble though. Trouble with you because of the attitude or trouble at school?