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Question

i have got a child age 7 which her father has been in and out of her life. he is back again and is asking to see her i have said no for a couple of weeks but i am now not sure what to do because if i keep saying no then will she blame me when she is older . or if i say yes and he goes again will it be my fault that she is upset because i let the situation occur ?

Answer 1

give him one more try but tell him in no uncertain terms that he's not to be a part time father

why hasn't he called when he does go away ?

if he keeps letting her down its best to not let him see her.

my dad was a right w@NKER too

Answer 2

If the father pays child support or even has court ordered rights to visitation you can NOT prevent him from visiting, you are then breaking the law. She is 7 yrs old and old enough to understand what is going on should her father leave again, so no it wouldnt be your fault in later years she may question you as to why you prevented them from having contact and saying "i was just trying to make sure you wouldnt get hurt" wont cut it when she's older.

Answer 3

How much of your life at age 7 do you remember now? If he is paying child support he has a right to she her. If he is not confront him & tell him either he is in or out of her life. Being a parent when it's convient for him is wrong. If he has a questionable back ground do you what your daughter exposed to it? As for he blaming you later in life. Cross that bridge when you get to it. Today is what is important. If you make your decision alone then you must live it alone. Maybe your daughter doesn't want to see him? Ask her if she don't show him the road.

Answer 4

I've read alot of the answers you've recieved and the part about "if he's paying child support he has a right to see her or you're breaking the law" is untrue. I have sole legal and physical custody of my daughter, he has only suprevised visitation limited to two hours but he still pays child support. In 4 years he never made an effort to see his child, then all of the sudden he decided he wanted to see her. I gave her the choice and she said no, I took the situation up with our local Court Appointed Special Advocates for Children who told me that according to law, I didn't have to make her see him, and that if he fought it in court, they would stand behind her in that he hadn't made contact with her in over 4 years. They also said the "here again - gone again" situation could be considered a form of emotional abuse and that if brought before a court, would be considered in denying his visitation. If your daughter wants to see him, I'd arrange it as supervised by a mutual friend or court advocate. If not, stand by your daughter and the court system will do the same. As the Special Advocate told me, "No one can force a child to visit them."

Answer 5

Yes she will be upset if he leaves again but I think it is best that she sees that you give him every opportunity to see her. You are her stable person....sit her down and explain that her dad loves her but he might come and go...that's just the way he is. I know it's frustrating but don't stop her from seeing him. The times she has with him are precious to her especially since they are so rare. She will be upset with a lot of things in her life and you cant shield her from them all as much as you would like to. Just try to make it easier for her by always being there for her and talking to her about things. Don't trash her dad but don't cover for or make excuses for him either. As she gets older she will understand more of what is going on and realize that it is him...not you...that wont let him see her etc. Let her go and be there when she comes back with open arms. I know its hard to do when he is getting all the glory with none of the hard work but she will see eventually who her rock is..you. My boys were the same way and now I am grateful that I didn't keep their father from them...even though he was coming and going like your ex. Try to give her some happy memories of her dad...if he is like my ex it will probably be about all she ever gets from him.

Answer 6

It's hard to say, but i know that i allowed my children's father to come back and forth in their lives for years and it has ended up in my children in counselling and he now has to stay away from them. My children were assessed and were found to be disturbed by his comings and goings. This hasn't been my decision but social services'. I did bend over backwards to make sure that he could get access to his children but he couldn't be bothered. Maybe what you should do is do is get a solicitor involved so he can't mess you and your child around and also make him be more consistent with your daughter. There are contact centres he could go to if you don't want him in your home or have anything else about this that is of concern and other services besides.... its up to you at the end of the day.
Good luck. xxx

Answer 7

First of all, I think your daughter will thank you for the stability in her life if you make up your mind now. Secondly, I think you should ignore the father completely and let him prove himself by applying for visitation. Incidently, don't let him pressure you with guilt trips about his 'rights'. Your daughter rights come first, and she has the right to a stable childhood without a father coming in and out of her life. Every time he leaves it hurts her more than him not being there. REMEMBER HE OWES HER -not the other way around. Until he convinces you that he means business, don't let him see her, even if he does pay support. The money and the visitation, legally, are two separate things.

Answer 8

Better no dad than a bad one. I had to make the decision to raise my daughter on my own while I was pregnant. She is 8 now and not wanting for anything. Maybe when she is older, if she meets her father, she may be mad at me for a while but he'll show his true colors in time, and I know my daughter will understand why I made the choices I did. Also, she'll remember who was there when she was sick in the middle of the night, who walked her to school her first day, who brought her a box of Kleenex and listened to her cry over her first break up. Do what's best for your daughter now. And make sure to nail is *** for child support!

Answer 9

you should have a visitation with just the 3 of you guys. I wouldn't give him your daughter, he might try to molest the child, maybe that's why he came back to see her. Let her see him, just lunch. She will blame him for not being in her life. Tell her people sometimes can't work it out and that they love each other, but they need their separate lives

Answer 10

don't deny the child the chance to see her father when he decides to show up! she will learn to hate you. one day she is going to ASK HER DAD why he didn't come for her more (this WILL happen). HE will tell her that he would call and you would tell him NO. so, even this only happens a handful of times you are BUILDING AN EXCUSE FOR HIM. she will accept his answer and the tables turn on you... then YOU are on the defense and she will NOT believe you over him.

all children want and need a relationship with both parents. if her father CHOOSES to come and go, let that be his pattern. the child will notice that her dad only comes around when it's convient... and not that often... even at 7 they are VERY observant! when dad doesn't come around for a while and she is asking "why hasn't my dad called, or came to get me, or written." just explain that he must be very busy... YEP, it's your job to make up excuses for the lame person in order to save her young feelings. as she grows older she will know that the excuses you made were to protect her and make her feel better... but wouldn't you rather be known as the mom that didn't OPENLY TRY to keep her father from her but rather made every effort to let her have a relationship with him WHEN IT WAS CONVIENT FOR HIM? she will respect you for this!

Answer 11

i lived with my Dad and he is an idiot. Just because he messes up on visits shouldn't mean he doesn't love her. He just loves himself more. At least she has your good influence from her mother. I still love my Dad even though he has faults so try not to get in the middle. Let him see her, if he doesn't show that's how she will learn that these things happen not all parents are candy coated.