The first time he was in Iraq I was pregnant and my husband only missed the first 4 months of our son's life. He got out of the army and now he has orders to go back to Iraq. My son is crazy about his daddy. If daddy isn't home by a certain time he starts asking where he is and on the weeks that my husband works nightshift our son will wake up in the middle of the night wanting daddy. I know there are several women who have young children and their husbands are in Iraq. Do you have any tips or suggestions on helping our son adjust and to help him remember daddy. He will be gone for a year and a half.
2006-11-28 23:23:07 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Politics & Government ➔ Military
First of all, remember children are far more resilient that adults realize. If you're strong, your son will be as well.
You both need to sit your son down and talk to him. Explain to him where daddy will be and what he'll be doing. Get a calendar and show him just how long it'll be. Then tell him he can start marking off days until daddy comes home. Also, explain to him that things come up in the military and it might be a bit longer or shorter.
Take pics of daddy and son together. Put them in a photo album just for your son. Also, when our daughter was young, I got a non-breakable plastic picture frame. It was part of her daily toys she played with. Whenever she played, there was daddy, right along with her.
There's no telling when he'll be able to make phone calls. It's not always convenient to have your son there or awake when the calls come in. However, as often as possible, he should call to talk to your son as well as you. Also, have him write and adress letters specifically for your son. It makes them feel special if their not just part of the letters to mom.
Other than that, all I can tell you is to be strong. He WILL pick up on whatever emotions you're feeling. If you're upset, he's going to be. If you cry, he's going to cry too. Kids are very strong and very smart. They honestly usually do as well as the parent at home does. Be sure not to change his routines or do things different than you normally do.
Good luck!! Tell your hubby to stay safe and "thanks" from one who's been through it 3 times already.
2006-11-29 01:03:08 · answer #1 · answered by HEartstrinGs 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I definitely agree with you that he should be pulling a bit more weight. First of all, your baby's still very young and despite being beautiful, a new baby is always a real stress on first-time parents (any parents, really). There's a real loss of romance and readjustment that tends to go on in any relationship. It's supremely difficult, but remember that because of the strain, forgiveness needs to have a high place in your life right now. It needs to be a two-way street, so both of you will need to show it: forgiveness for being on the moody side, for not "doing as much" for your son as possible, for whatever it is, everyone's emotions are high right now. When he came back, you probably seemed like you had the whole thing together; for him, diapering and rocking and all was like a magic gift that you had and he didn't. It's possible that he's still recovering from that. But it's more than reasonable for you to expect him to pick up the slack. Try offering some ideas that would make life easier on you. Think about little things (maybe you'll have to sacrifice). Ask whether he can try to go out only once or twice a week? Or spend a half-hour a day taking care of your son? And definitely consider asking for a grandma or aunt or someone to babysit or give you a hand. You shouldn't go it alone! Get some help during the day while dad's away, and that'll help out a lot. Also, try to get a babysitter some night soon, so that you and your husband can have a date and try to rediscover that flame you guys have. Above all, focus on how much you love your son and how much you love EACH OTHER. You say you know he loves you, and I believe it. It seems like the introduction of your bundle of joy combined with your husband's time away has been a major shock. Your marriage seems firm (5 years!), so I have every confidence that you CAN get over this! It's just one of those times that try the relationship and if you get through this, you will both be better spouses and parents and your marriage will be STRONGER! Sorry for the length. I hope all works out well!
2016-05-23 01:32:53 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know that this is going to be a very hard time for both you and your son. One of the things that you can have your son do is draw pictures or send pictures to his daddy. Tell your husband to keep sending letters and pictures also and that will help your son a little. I know that this isn't too great of advice, but it will help. He will adjust after a little while, but as long as you keep talking to him about his daddy and telling him that he is protecting you two from harm, he will be more proud than scared. When your husband is able to call you, make sure that you put your son on the phone too... He will be able to come home for R & R, so that will also help. Good Luck...
2006-11-28 23:31:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Just tell you son the truth, that daddy is going to Iraq to do a very important job for his country, and that the son will need to show his daddy how brave he is, so daddy won't have to worry. Your son will take his new found responsibility of being the little man of the house to heart and will be a big help.
2006-11-28 23:45:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get out the photo album every single day and show him pictures of his dad. Also if you have home videos show him those alot too. I also saw on tv the other day that Sesame Street is coming out with a line of videos (with Elmo) that are designed for kids with parents that are deployed. I know I'll be getting those for my daughter next time my husband deploys. Have him draw pictures and make things to send to his dad and let him help pick things to put in care packages.
I did this stuff with my daughter when my husband was deployed in '05. She was only 8 months old when he deployed and 20 months when he got home. When she saw him on leave she knew him immediately and then when he got home for good she did a double take like she thought she was dreaming (she had just woken up) and then she ran to him and gave him a hug and kiss like he'd only been gone a day. You just have to make sure that your son sees (if only a picture) and hears about his dad all the time...even those days you don't want to talk about him because you're missing him. Good luck to all of you guys! ;-)
2006-11-29 01:45:48 · answer #5 · answered by . 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My husband is gone right now and my 3 year old is have a tough time. He is quite the daddys boy too. We have a nighttime routine that he really looks foward to though. He looks at the scrapbook that I made of him and his dad, then he reads the book My Daddy Loves Me Because..., and then we say our prayers for daddy. Also my son LOVES the video that Wal-Mart and the military produced. It has Elmo's daddy deploying. He told me after he watched the video, "My daddy has to go away for a while, but daddy will be back" You can order it free at
http://www.sesameworkshop.org/tlc/
Its really tough on the kids but staying on a routine really helps. Also make sure you take time to take care of yourself too!
2006-11-29 01:34:14 · answer #6 · answered by usmcspouse 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The others have given great advice so here is my two cents. To hear each others voices is something that can not be denied as a good feeling for both. Also not to be a party spoiler but it needs to be said. When he gets back it will take adjustment. As you already know. Now that he is a little older, and a bit more fussy, it is a good idea that they take a little time to get to know each other without the burden of parenting put upon them. Good luck and God Bless.
2006-11-29 03:55:31 · answer #7 · answered by DietrichVonQuint 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First let me say Thank You to your Husband for the sacrifice he is making for our country, and it has to be hard on You and your Son. I really don't know of any way to help as I never had to do what your doing. But I did want you to know you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers, along with every one of our service men and women.
2006-11-28 23:38:43 · answer #8 · answered by Granny 1 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Look at pictures often.
Exchange up to date pictures via e-mail and mail
Say prayers for Daddy together every night.
Tell him Daddy is working to keep you safe and will be home as soon as he can.
2006-11-28 23:43:04 · answer #9 · answered by JusMe 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
THATS A LONG STRETCH AWAY FROM HOME, YOUR SON WILL SOON ADJUST TO HIM NOT BEING THERE. GET HIM TO TAKE A PHOTO OF HIS DAD, AND TELL DAD TO DO THE SAME WITH YOUR SON, THEN YOU CAN TELL HIM HE CAN TALK TO DAD WHEN EVER HE WANTS TO AND DAD WILL HEAR HIM . ALL THE BEST WISHES TOO YOU ,AND GOD BLESS YOUR HUSBAND AND KEEP HIM SAFE.
2006-11-28 23:36:32 · answer #10 · answered by aunty m 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋