how can i get my children to be closer?

Question

i have a 4 yr old boy and a 2 yr old girl they are both well mannered good natured honest and polite children individually but together they hit eachother not hard and not with spite or anger but frustration i think. The 4 yr old more so than the 2 yr old (i think she just copies him). he will take her toys off her for no reason and push her out the way if he needs to get past they ALWAYS say sorry with a kiss and a hug afterwards but i was just wondering if anyone knows how i could stop them turning on eachother as much and start playing together a bit more as i want to teach them love and respect for their siblings before they get any older and the job becomes a bit harder

any suggestions would be garatefully recieved
thanks in advance xxx

Answer 1

A few choices here.
Herding or coming together is a natural process in times of danger or stress and often when two are faced with a common problem.
They are a bit too young to be tested in this type of environment but you could think of something that only two can do.
Try this.
Make up a box with a door that is kept closed by two simple latches. Put two small rewards inside and close the door.
Run one string to one side and the the other string to the opposite side and make it impossible for one child to reach or work both or their own latch.
Leave them to it.
Only their cooperation will bring each a reward.
You can develop this further by making them work on different levels and the the older child will need the smaller to make it work. This will stop the older from becoming dominant.

Answer 2

It's completely normal and healthy appart from some bruises, Sibling rivalries always worry parents but 9 out of ten children bicker and sqabble with their siblings. My brother and I got on for a while until I was about 4 and he was 7, Then we faught like cat and dog until he was 16 and I was 13. We are now 35 and 31 and get on great although we are Chalk and Cheese but we know we can depend on each other and that's what counts.
I know 2 sisters who faught worse than we did and they too have been best friends since their late teens and share all the same circle of friends now well into their late 20s and early thirties.
Try not to worry too much they'll find their way together.

Answer 3

First of all, it is completely NORMAL for siblings to fight in this way, however it can be upsetting as parents to witness it. My kids are 4 and 7 and still fight, however they also play together nicely too, and they do love each other.

But being part of a family is tough sometimes and when you're little you don't always know how to express your feelings appropriately. Do you think your four year old is a bit jealous of his younger sister? Maybe he is asking for more of your attention, but he doesn't know how to do this in a more appropriate manner. Try spending a bit of special time with him, maybe after his little sister has gone to bed.

However it sounds like you're doing the right things as you say they always kiss and make up afterwards. Don't be too hard on yourself, being a parent is an impossible task sometimes!

Answer 4

Something that will really help you!

Do some activities where you are in charge but they are the helpers. Without them it won't be possible. They have to take turns, not fight for results.

e.g try making butterfly cakes together. They each have a task and they have to watch their sibling do their task and then it is their turn and continue to take turns. Or e.g making a college picture 'apple tree in field on sunny day' the younger one is responsible for sticking the sky and your 4 yr old boy can make the tree.

These kind of games/activities will bring them closer as they realise they have had fun together and made something great or yummy together. They will have more respect as they helped each other despite the age difference.

Also loads of praise when they are loving and respecting one another! Mummy loves that!

Answer 5

this is a common problem, and it is normal for siblings to fight. It may help however if u look at changing things within the whole family. Are there lots of argueing and shouting in your home? Perhaps try using the naughty seat. ask nicely first,give 1 warning and if the behaviour continues put them straight to chair. (a minutes for every year of their age). i found that this really help control my two year old who was biting her newborn sister. It is every important though that the whole family sit down and talk about new rules and why fighting is unacebtable. Good luck, it is very hard to begin with, but hang in there and u will notice a difference
children like to know exactly where they stand and once rules are accepted the bad behaviour will not seem as attractive.

Answer 6

Regarding them hitting each other, you have to lay down strict rules, explaining to them why it is very important to treat each other with respect and even other children with respect. Just spend time with them sitting with them on the sofa or carpet with them close to you. Read them stories that have themes in them about how siblings and children looks after each other and always are respectable of them and their belongings. You will find many books in the stores. Instill the important of respect while they are still young. Another way is for them to watch how you and their father treat each other's belongings too-let them see some examples and they will quickly pick up.

Good thing your children are still very young so you can catch the fighting in the bud before its becomes more.

Always do things with them together, sharing games-picking up their toys and placing them back from where they took them- the 4 yrs old will love this and the 2 yrs old will catch on too very quickly. Do different activities together which involve sharing and following the rules of sharing.

The most important thing is to always praise them when they treat each other nicely and do the right thing.

Answer 7

All you can do is discourage bad behavoir for now. Its all part of the learning and socializing all kids go through. When they get a little older and are in school you'll see another situation where they feel they can hit and push each other but will defend each other against anybody else. It's all normal and it is up to you to keep teaching them the right ways to act.

Answer 8

I don't know but if you find out can you let the rest of us in on it!!!

Actually I have a bit of a tip for parents of older children. When mine start arguing inevitably one will come up to me and say 'I hate so and so they've trashed my room/stolen my toy/won't let me borrow their CD (the complaints go on and on!)' so I listen to what they say, wait until they have finished ranting then I say to them 'Tell me one nice thing about your brother/sister' By the time they have told you the nice thing they don't feel so angry with the other person and all is peaceful in the house again.....well for a few minutes anyway!!!

Answer 9

Just a guess..
The third person in the equation is you and maybe they're relating to each other through their need for you.
Try to teach them that the real affection you seek is the affection they share for one and other and that you value witnessing this more than you value direct affection.
Try to imagine an invisible curtain between you and them in order to prioritise their relationship with each other over your relationship with each of them; try stepping back from this their core relationship.
If they see you respecting their connection with each other maybe they'll learn to respect it also.
God love you...it's a trial I'm sure
Best wishes
Paul

Answer 10

I'd try and make sure that you're not giving them more attention for hitting each other than you give them for behaving.

Lavish them with attention for playing well together, punish (i.e. ignore/ naughty-chair) the child which hits the other.

But yeah - normal sibling rivalry/fighting is par for the course. They'll grow out of it by their twenties ;)