I understand your love for your fiance as you gave him a second chance in hopes of savaging your relationship with him. There are a few things to consider here:
The 1st is that he has not been entirely up front with you about his side relationship which most likely means that he doesn't really want you to find out because either he feels guilty about it or he feels that you would be upset by it or both.
Secondly, for most men, if they have cheated on your once, they will most likely do it again because it gives them pleasure to be with different women. Clearly, if I may be blunt, he isn't entirely satisfied with you and you can be the most perfect woman in the world, but to him, the excitement is no longer there and he'll need to find other women to please himself.
Thirdly, either you're easily fooled or he's really good about hiding his "other" relationship from you enough for you to not probe him for the longest time. If this is going to be your relationship with him down the road, you're going to be always on your feet worrying about when is the next time your fiance is going to have another woman that you don't know about. Its a very tiring game...
I know you love your fiance and he should be grateful to have such a forgiving woman by his side, but how many times are you prepared to forgive him? How about let's turn the table around and say if you cheated on him? Would he be as forgiving as you?
Give your relationship with him a few thoughts. Maybe it might just work out, but its not going to be easy.
2006-11-28 22:14:42
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answer #1
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answered by bsbro 2
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Are you sure you want to? It sounds like the strongest most positive thing you did happened when you left and put everything on hold. He says it's platonic, she says not - someones not being honest. He's on you for anything to distract the attention from this "platonic" relationship? Yes his behavior is unfair. It's also immature, selfish, mean heavy-handed, hypocritical and arrogant. You say you caught him after a year and he promised to cut it off, but the relationship lasted two years, so it lasted for another year after you discovered it? If it's just platonic, why aren't the three of you guys hanging out together? Why is her story different? Marriage is hard enough under the best circumstances, to go into it with him clearly stacking the deck in his favor and treating you with complete contempt and disrespect? You'll end up hating yourself, losing any self respect you may have had...please run, go, say good bye
2006-11-28 21:50:38
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answer #2
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answered by Sidoney 5
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So, I'm guessing you and your fiance have been together for a couple of years at least??? And in that you would expect to know each other really well and not have any secrets especially before going in to a marriage. And this other woman whom he claims is platonic...has he introduced you to her, have you and he become friends with her as a couple? If not, why not is she's that important to him? Haven't you met other important people in his life who are platonic? Friends, workmates, sisters/mother/family? And in all this time, he's had a "relationship" with her.....and is making you feel guilty to distract attention from him............hhhhmmmmm? let me think?
DUMP HIM...you deserve better!! And please don't let him pull the wool over your eyes........or make you feel you won't find or don't deserve better than him. I've been there, done that, bought the t-shirt .........even if you just seperate for a few months, get yourself away from this guy until
1) you have the self esteem to DEMAND and get what you want from him
2) he has the guts to prove worthy of you
oh and 3) you can't make a cheater understand his behaviour is unfair, whether you've given him another chance or not!
2006-11-29 09:15:22
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answer #3
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answered by nephtine 4
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he doesn't sound very sorry or sincere does he treating you like that, personally i would think that if he meant it he would be doing everything in his power to make you believe he has changed and that you can trust him, tome it just sounds like he is annoyed at being found out, and can you be sure he still isn't seeing this woman or someone else, 2 years is a long time what happened in them years, i don't think you trust or believe him deep down and i also think he has guessed this, i would have a long hard think do you honestly feel you can believe in him and spend the rest of your life with him, when he goes out are you wondering where he is or if you see him talking to a girl are you wondering if he fancies her, if the answer is yes then kick this loser in to touch and get your self a decent man who will love and cherish you and not other women...
2006-11-29 23:00:45
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answer #4
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answered by Anonymous
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Are you thinking of giving him another chance? I would try and get the two of them together to explain themselves. Woman to woman have a conversation with her to see if she is lying or telling the truth. She might be jealous and wants him so is lying to you or she could be telling the truth and he's lying to you. Do you want to stay with someone who lies? If they were just platonic friends tell them you cannot cope with it - if that's really how you feel. I think you need to think about this long and hard - make the decision that is right for you - don't waste your life - it's your life and you only get one crack at it. Good luck with your decision - I hope it makes you happy.
2006-11-28 21:46:07
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answer #5
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answered by Anonymous
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He wasn't honest with you and that doesn't bode well for a marriage. Thank your lucky stars you found out in time and had the courage to call the wedding off.
Give this man a wide berth and go and find yourself a real one. Good luck.
2006-11-28 23:58:01
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answer #6
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answered by Specsy 4
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Yes i understand the thing which you are trying to make me understand in an understandable way which is quite un understandable but still understandable which makes me to say UNDERSTOOD..
2016-03-29 15:26:51
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answer #7
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answered by Anonymous
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I agree with the others, with so much doubt its best to move on. If you married him you would never trust him and you would be miserable. Get out now an be miserable for a short time as opposed to a life time...
2006-11-28 21:59:14
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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That has "unhealthy relationship" written all over it!! Leave him, take some time for yourself, and get back into the dating game again...there is no reason to sell yourself short, which is what you'd be doing if you stay with this guy.
2006-11-29 03:08:53
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answer #9
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answered by VAWeddingSpecialist 6
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you can not make some1 understand they have to be able to realise for themselves. All you can do is put yr cards on the table and explain where you are in things...possibly even an ultimatum. You have to put yr self first if he continues then he might not be the one for you. i could never really forget the affair personally it would always be on the back of my mind that 'could he do it again'
2006-11-29 02:30:00
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answer #10
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answered by Kazaroons 1
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