Kids and Santa--Do you think that it's wrong for me to not push the whole santa issue?

Question

This is my son's first christmas, and he is only 4 months, so it's not an issue yet. I told my mom that I am not going to tell my son about santa. She was appalled, and very upset. Also I don't want my son being the one to tell other kids the truth about santa, so I don't know what to do. I know Santa is a special thing about christmas, but that is not what the holiday is all about. I am not super religious, but I want him to know the real meaning of christmas. I just dont like the idea of blatently lying to my child. I remember when I found out, I was extrememly upset, and I don't want that to happen to my son...

Answer 1

Well I ran that same issue through my head as well. I'm not sure if I want any of my future children to be so in love with the idea Christmas means Santa Clause.. BUT I think I have come to a way to handle it...
Christmas is usually a more magical time right? And that is especially so for children. It is sad as we get older we lose the ability to feel and see the magic in this time of year as we once did. I think its okay for a child to believe in Santa...but I think you should tell the story behind him..the real Saint Nick. I'm sure you could easily find that history online...about a giving man who gave to other children and people in his town. Something along those lines. That shows how important it is to give to others. Also the wise men started the tradition by appreciating Jesus with their gifts at his birth on Christmas. So you can make Santa a lesson they can apply in their lives - that its important to care for others, appreciate them and give to others.

In a way, Santa will always exist because your child will know the real history behind what started it.. Saint Nicks story. Sure there isn't a man who travels all around Christmas Eve, who comes from a magical place in the North Pole... but that doesn't mean you can't make it a nice lesson. Just do your best to keep Christmas a fun and happy time so the magic and joy in it is never lost. Perhaps start doing something with him for others to carry on something the wise men and Saint Nick started..buy a couple toys and drop them off at a childrens hospital together maybe..

Either way.. its all about how you present the idea of Santa to your child, it can be a complete lie that becomes a let down or it can be presented with the ideas I said above... in that case I think its a good thing :)

Merry Christmas

Answer 2

I was recently in the same exact argument with my father and my stepmom. My son, coincidently, is also four months old, so no I dont have to worry about it this year either.

I have made up my mind, however, that I will not lie to my child. I was in the same boat that you were, when I found out that for six or seven years I was lied to, it was...just wrong. And I dont think I could do that to my son. I will tell him that, yes, there was a St. Nick and tell him that story, but also instill in him that the real story and the true meaning of the gifts is about Jesus Christ.

They have Advent Christmas Calenders where each day tells a little bit more of the story of Christmas and a little piece of candy. Just to steer away from the whole Santa thing and go toward the real meaning.

We used to, as a child, have to sing Happy Birthday to Jesus.

Do you what you want and what you believe because in the end, he is your child.

Answer 3

When my daughter was little, I felt the same way you do. I thought lying to her would just make her not trust me on other things. But still I did not want her to miss that excitement of Santa coming. I remember the thrill of lying in bed waiting and listening to hear something outside on Christmas Eve much move vividly then I remember finding out there was no Santa Claus. So when she was old enough to kind of understand, I told her Santa could only leave one present because he had so many boys and girls to see and all her other presents on Christmas morning would be from us. And I told her that at some point she would become to big to get presents from Santa and he would stop bringing her one. Every year I wrapped one present in completely different paper from the rest and it was always something small, like crayons and coloring books, or a book, or a small doll. She loved it and saved it for last. Then when she was 6 and I was afraid the kids in school would be talking about no Santa, I stopped putting the Santa present out. I told her that when kids got to big to believe in Santa, he saved his presents for the smaller kids who still believed in him. After that it never was an issue again.
She is 32 now and she still tells me that she always believed what I said and never once thought that I had told her a lie, just a fairy tale like reading a book. She still believes that Santa is for the little kids and she said I explained it just right for a child and she will tell her children the same thing.

Answer 4

I can understand your dilemma but maybe you wouldn't mind me pointing out the other side of the coin.

Although it is not the meaning of christmas, it is still part of it. If they don't believe santa is putting the presents under the tree, then who is? Or are you not doing presents? It is just my opinion, but if the kids know it is mom and dad, aren't they more likely to take advantage of you? I mean my daughter believes in Santa and she cleans her room on her own (she's 6) and she can't wait to sit on his lap this year and not cry. She's been trying so hard to be on her best behavior. She has been frightened every year until now, and I think this year she actually has gotten over her fear and has accomplished part of her growing up. She wants to meet him, hand him a list she made herself, and talk to the man in person. I'm proud of her.
Is it a lie? Yes and No. There really was a St. Nicholas. When she does start to question the validity of Santa, I will then explain to her that it is more or less a "spirit" of giving. He was a man who existed and although he can't live forever, his works still do. We, as parents, continue on in memory of his spirit and when she is older, she can gift her children as well.

When it is broken to them gently, and they are congratulated on getting older and being trusted with the truth, then it is much better. After that, they know it is you, but there shouldn't be any trauma. If it happened to you that way, I'm sorry. But it didn't happen to me and my sisters, and we had an inkling of the truth long before we found out. My older sisters found out before I did and they felt special in contributing with my mother in the christmas season. They felt like they were the big kids and I was still a baby. I admit, I was the baby.

Do as you will with your child but it will be awfully hard when he goes to school and everyone is talking about santa but he can't join in the discussion. It will be even harder for him not to ruin the christmas for all the other boys and girls who do believe because he'll be the one telling them Santas not real.

You have plenty of time to think about it. What does your husband think? What does your family think? Give it some time and wait to see how things go.

Answer 5

I plan on telling my kids about santa but they will know him as a fictional character just like the easter bunny and tooth fairy....i as well want my children to know the real meaning of Chrismas and my big debate is if you tell them about santa who is a fictional character and also about Jesus who is real....will they question wheather Jesus is real because thinking santa was real too.....so no i don't think pushing santa is a big deal. you have to do what you feel is right! Maybe you can still use santa but let your child know it's just for fun in the beginning so they won't be upset later on and then you can still have fun with the whole santa idea.

Answer 6

My child is ten. I didn't do the whole Santa thing with him for the exact same reason. I just didn't want to blatantly lie to him. He always knew the actual story of Santa. That he was real man who lived years ago and gave toys to the children in his village. Anyway, I never had any major problems by doing this. Maybe you just shouldn't make a big deal to your mom. Let her go on about Santa to your child. My dad always said things like "what's santa gonna get get ya" blah blah blah. It doesn't hurt anything to fantasize and still know the truth.

Answer 7

I feel the same way. Consistency is the key. Make sure if this is what you decide to do, your family understands it and will go along with it. You don't want to confuse the poor kid. Expect for him to come home after he starts school asking about it though. At that point, you can tell him about "the story of santa" hopefully in a way that you do not have to say that santa doesn't exist, but not that he is a real person either. I suppose you won't be telling him about the easter bunny or tooth fairy unless it is to tell him about "the story" of them either? Just keep in mind that you will eventually have to offer some explanation. and the best one is to tell him about it as a story.

Answer 8

Do what you feel is right in your heart. I don't have kids yet, but I've already been thinking about this, and I agree with your thoughts. I want to teach my kids about the story of Santa, just not that Santa is 'real'. But I think you should also teach your child to respect other people's beliefs and tell him not to tell others that Santa is not real, because he's 'real' to them.

Answer 9

I was four years old when I told my ten year cousin that there was no Santa. I knew that my father bought my presents and the men I saw at the mall were just men. I argued with kids at school but they never believed me.

If I were you, I wouldn't worry about it. If you were to tell you son about Santa... its not like he would remember. He is 4 months old. If he seems interested next year (when hes actually old enough to understand) do not confirm or deny the presents of santa.... Merely acknowlege him.

Answer 10

I had a similar situation with my son and Santa. Just let him be a kid and believe in Santa for as long as he does. When he finds out Santa isn't real, explain to him that when HE has kids of his own, he'll be able to give THEM the ability to believe in Santa too.