How are we going to pick our child's last name?

Question

My husband and I have different last names. We are planning on hyphenating our child's last name, as neither of us are comfortable with choosing one name or the other. However, our last names are /ahem/ long and thusly the child's last name will be very long. What would you do? Would you just grin and bear it and pick one last name for the child? Some family members and friends have said that it's mean(!) to give a child a long last name.

Answer 1

I went through this same predicament with my son. My boyfriend and I are not married, and when I was pregnant with our son, we talked about who's last name the baby would have. I really wanted mine, and my boyfriend wanted to use his (which of course is normal). My last name means a lot to me, and yet my boyfriend's last name is "made up". A couple generations ago, my boyfriend's grandfather or something hated the way his last name was pronounced, so he changed it. I think this is stupid, personally.

Anyways, I did some research on the topic. I found that in the past, women who were married, gave their children the father's last name (obviously). Those women who had a child out of wedlock gave the child their last name. If they were to get married later on, she and her child/ren would take on the man's last name.

Also, in many cultures, the child gets both last names...usually mother's last name first, then the father's.

I eventually decided to give my son both mine and my boyfriend's last name...but mine is first. He is Keegan Rhys *****-******....fortunately, our last names are not very long, even when combined.

I suggest you do the same and hyphenate, if you feel so strongly about keeping your last name for the child. If it's long, so be it. Your child may end up being known by the first of the two hyphenated last names though.

Answer 2

Samantha Annette McCraw Noah RIley McCraw

Answer 3

I think most hypenated women choose the dad's last name for the kid, as long as it's not a bad last name like Hooker or Butts or something. I grew up with two last names, and it was a pain in the butt convincing people in different circumstances that I was the same person (cashing checks, etc). If it were me, I'd pick something and go with it. I've also heard of hippy dippy types making up a new last name for the kid (no offense, I love hippy dippy types).

Answer 4

Hmmm. I hyphenated my last name when I got married and it is long (very long). But that's life.
You could name the boys after the father and the girls with your last name. Or you could give your child your last name as his/her middle name and your child last name the same as your husband. Hope this help.

Answer 5

Why does it matter what country she lives in?

I gave my son his father's last name, but we are not married yet, and when we do, I will be changing my name.

I have a friend whose mom kept her own last name, and the childrens names were Montag Niese, with no hyphen (they were very adamant about that). That worked well, because they were both shorter names.

How long do you mean? More than three syllables, or two long syllables? maybe you could do one of your last names as a middle name, or do both last names on the birth certificate, but have him only use one for everyday use.

Like John(first) Washington(middle) Davidson(last) or John Michael Washington Davidson, but he would write his name in school as John Davidson.

Good luck, and congratulations!

Answer 6

What happens if you hyphenate the childs name and they marry someone else with a hyphenated name how long is the last name going to get? Just pick one name to make it easier for your child.

Answer 7

Well, being one family is really nice, and a child feels secure knowing he is part of one family, so could one of you just cave on the last name? If you are in business for yourselves and you need to keep you old name, just DBA your old name and that will solve that. Otherwise, maybe you could combine names and just give him/her a different name. Remember, the child will have to go around explaining this whole thing to people, so make sure that it will foster a sense of pride and happiness for the name, rather than a 'my parents both refused to take one anothers names, so this is what I got'. Those issues become difficult around 8-9 years old and just keep going from that age on.

Best wishes for a good pregnancy.

Answer 8

I think you should go for the traditional default option and give them the father's last name, not because it's fair or equal but just because it's easier not to go against the grain of society sometimes. I know a family where the kids have the mother's last name, and it's confusing because for a long time I thought the parents had split up, but they never did.

Answer 9

What my parents did was they gave me both last names, but my mother's maiden name was documented as a middle name.

So when people ask me if I have a middle name I say no, but I carry my mother's maiden name.

Just call your child:

(first name), (your maiden name), (your husband's last name)

But I guess you'd run into the same problem in choosing which to put first. It's tradition to put the father's last name last, so that's how I got mine.

Answer 10

i think you have to be carefull about names,i use my stepdads last name,at some point i used my mums maiden name and i always felt a little different from kids who could trace their names back generations.After all you have to preserve culture and tradition