Do I leave my boyfriend of 3 years cuz I found out he's been hiding OCD and anxiety/panic disorder?

Question

Everything was great for awhile then about a year ago he started acting different, he never had an answer to why, about 6 months ago i found a drawer of his full of different anti-anxiety perscription pills dating back to 2002, when i asked him about it he said he has anxiety/panic disorder and OCD, then I find out he's been sneaking to dr's appt. and taking pills the whole time, i feel betrayed and decieved. now i'm having troubles trusting him cause it was so easy 4 him 2 lie and sneak around. his only answer is "that i don't support him" even though it sounds messed up i probably wouldn't have gotten involved had i known from day 1. i'm against taking drugs, i'm very strong minded and healthy. i do love him, but i've become very stressed & confused lately. what else has/will he lie & sneak about? i don't think he'd have ever said anything had i not found out myself. i don't feel i can trust him. I love him SOOO much, weigh the pro's & con's? no help. i feel sad all the time now >>>

Answer 1

Hi!
I'm glad someone asked a question in this area of OCD/Panic disorder. My 11 yr old has that. She is very shy about it and at times embarassed bcuz she tends to act different than her classmates, meaning, in early Oct. I had problems with her at School. one med. she was on it made her go "Out in left field", I mean, disrupting class, etc. finding out it was a side effect and also wasn;'t right for her. anyway, she was taken off that, and in 2 wks. she's been fine.
My point is, anyone with this Disorder needs understanding and plenty of patience, so don't give up on your Beau. As I said, the disorder can make a person self conscious, and with him I'm sure he wasn't intentionally sneaking around! Just hang in there and reassure your BF of your love, ok?
Realize that at least he could admit he needed help and therefore found out he has a disorder and can control it with medicine, and that's better than going stir crazy not knowing what is wrong! I hand it to anyone who can face they have a problrm and are strong enough to admit they need some help with medication! It's nothing to be ashamed of!
Let me give you some advice, please look up OCD on webmd.com. It explains ALL about this Disorder and you can learn what your BF goes through at times!
You mentioned being sad, stressed and confused, betrayed and deceived---------------- I know all of those myself because my Daughter put my family through the same reactions, and it's NOT easy! I had to take 3 wks off from my job in Oct. and I was WORN outm BUT, she's better and your Beau will get better. esp. with your help!

So, believe me, the OCD isn't your BF's fault. He'll be fine. just read up on the OCD and you will feel better when you get informed what this disorder is all about and I'm sure you will know how you can "support" him.


My thoughts will be with you both and write me if either of you have any questions on this disorder. It's NOT a cake-walk at times, but, you can learn to get along with it.

Yes, and love is the most important ingredient with this!

A friend of mine is married to a man who is Bi-Polar, and even though it is in the family with Anxiety Disorders, this particular one is more bizarre than OCD. Read up on both so you can get an idea! Good luck with this and give your Beau a chance ok? It's hard on him too!



Sincerely!

Answer 2

I'm some what in the same situation. I have been with my boyfriend for almost three years and I feel that he hasn't paid enough attention to me, meanwhile a guy that is trying to get with me but I declined of course. Have you talked to your boyfriend about this? If not, you should tell him that it really bothers you and make him know that it is a problem and not just some petty problem that will be over with within a couple of days. My boyfriend hasn't been the same because he works A LOT and is too tired to talk to me when he comes back from work...and because he lives with his GUY friend...and you know two and two guys together are annoying. The only reason why your feelings are geared towards this other guy is because he is giving you the attnetion you want that your boyfriend isn't giving you. Any guy can give that within the first couple of months, so you need to wonder if you're relationship is worth leaving and if you really wanna work it out with your guy.

Answer 3

You should consider the possibility that because you are against drugs, and that you are strong minded and healthy, that he may have been afraid to tell you because he didn't want to lose you? When you have a disorder it can be very embarrassing. When that disorder involves anxiety and depression there's a tendency to blame yourself and to think of yourself as weak. The fear of someone you love viewing you in that way can be paralyzing(and if you feel that way about yourself, it's easy to think everyone else will feel the same f they found out). If you really love him, I think the best thing you could do is ask if he would let you go to one of his appointments with him and try to understand what he's going through. Whatever you do, don't be too quick to judge, and don't make any decisions until you know what's going on.

Answer 4

I think the question you need to ask at this point is do you really love him? When you asked him about the pills he was honest with you. You may only be dating, but marriage vows consist of "for better, for worse, in sickness and in health".
You have no reason to feel decieved. Perhaps he was simply afraid of how you'd react or afraid of what you might think or insecure about it in some way. It's not that he necessarily meant or wanted to hide it from you.
These pills aren't illegal drugs, they're prescriptions, meant to stabilize or control his disorder, maybe they're even temporarily.
If you wouldn't have stuck with the guy from the get go had you known of his problem (you might be healthy, but not everybody else is and this doesn't mean that he isn't physically healthy anyway) then perhaps you should end the relationship, it would do both of you a big favor.
You could go find some perfect happy healthy lover and he could go find someone to love him for who he is in whatever condition or state he is in. He is no less deserving of love than you are.

Answer 5

You are asking for an answer but you have allready answered the question.....I would not have if I had know. You gave yourself better advice than anyone in here could give you. Follow your thoughts. You are a very wise woman.

First he is sneaking around and being less than truthful. Yeah, about many things.

Do you really think his issue maybe as simple as OCD and aniexty/panic.??? Do you think for one second if is was this simple he would have forgotten to tell you out this??? I would take all those pills you found and look them up on the web just to find out what they are really for.

There is an interesting behavior he is displaying. He is sneaking around, not being honest and his response is you don't support him. Think about that one for a second. What are you suppose to support????

You say you are healthy and strong minded. But the stress and confusin is all ready setting in. Do think it will get any better?? For him or you???

You love him so much. But how do you feel about the lies, the sneaking......you don't know what he is not fully disclosing.....maybe you don't want to know.....it could get very much worse.

I don't see any pro's to staying with him.

My ex at times admitted to having OCD, aniexty/panic.....as a spouse that can be difficult enough to deal with......at times he admitted the entire truth....those were his secondary issues....he was Bipolar. There are behaviors that are associated with this illness that are not very pleasant to live with as a spouse. It fact at times you begin to wonder if you are more tormented by this than they are.....you live a hellish life and the only cure for this is for you to run and never look back.

You are all ready feeling sad all the time......it seems to be bothering you.......That is how you will remain if you stay with him.

I know is sounds mean.....but you have to think about yourself. There is NO changing a person with a mental illness, yes there are meds that can control it when they are taking on a regular basis......sometimes they are not taken and the little dirty secret rears it's ugly head full force. The cycle becomes your life, meds not being taken, the endless excuses you begin to make to cover his bad behaviors, the changing of the seasons.....those certain times of year when it strikes. The worse part is when the person ages the 'problem' maybe worse.

I dealt with the guilt and the sickness and in health thing and stayed.....way too long. I viewed his 'issue' as a terminal illness....what would the world think of me if I left a sick man.....I wouldn't walk out on him if he had cancer. Then I rethought the sickness and in health and put my own health and well being FIRST......the lightbulb went off. I left.

I can only tell you I went though hell. I could tell you stories that would make your head spin.

Reread what you wrote, you have described some behaviors (which is only the tip of the iceberg.....think about the ones you left out......ASK yourself this: I can withstand those behaviors on an ongoing basis??? Then reread your question again.....you will find the answer to that question.

Be strong and stay strong.

PS.......don't pack your bags for guilt trip either......don't stay because of guilt or pity......that is not love. Buy yourself a oneway ticket far away.

Answer 6

if you are so anti-drug, then he most likely got the impression that you would not undertand his conditions. You MUST not be very observant, or not have spent any substancial time with him during these 3 years, as OCD is hard to miss.... and if he has a legitamate need for anti-anxiaty meds, which his doctor aparently felt he did, you must have just been in denial.

The fact that you liked / loved him enough to be together 3 years WHILE HE WAS ON THE MEDS, albeit unbeknonst to you, says that you like the person he is.

That you are so anti-drug... even prescription drugs that he needs for his well being says you are a very superficial, shallow, intolerant person... further reflected by the statement "...i probably wouldn't have gotten involved had i known from day 1. i'm against taking drugs, i'm very strong minded and healthy"
Very closed minded is more like it. Not everyone is blesed with a perfect mind.... and you are in that group.

In summation, you should not leave him, he shuld leave you, for being such an insensitive *****. If, by some merciful twist of fate, he does not kick your selfish *** to the curb, you shuld be eternally thankful, and very supportive of him.

Answer 7

Hello:

Honestly he was probably hiding these issues from you because he was embarrassed or ashamed. He was probably most afraid that you would react as you are reacting right now. And the longer he refrained from telling you, the harder it would have been for him to tell you.

I think that the fact that he did not tell you about his medial conditions should not be a reason for you to end your three year relationship. I think that lying about this is a lot different than cheating on you, or something else as equally bad.

I mean you said it yourself, you love him.

As for your coment about being against drugs. Having OCD is not something that is easy to live with. It is a disorder that seriously affects people's lives. The fact that your boyfriend is on medication for it means that he must have had a pretty severe form of OCD. If you think his behavior has been different for the past year, try making a relationship work with him if he is completely off medication.

I hope this helps, and good luck.

Answer 8

Well you have to think about it he is taking drugs to help him with his problem now if he wasnt taking them you would of found out a long time ago. Honestly I dont see what the problem is besides he didnt tell you about his condition. But yourself in his postion would you have told him? Little disorders like that scare people off sad to say. Maybe he didnt want to tell because you would have left him like you said you probably would have yourself. If you feel that there is more that he can be hiding sit him down and ask just tell him you been hiding your OCD is there anything else I dont know about. If he loves he'll tell the truth.
Everybody has one or two secerts just have to find the riight time to tell them.

Answer 9

He knew that the disease he has would get between you and him. So he wanted you badly enough to hide it from you. Unfortunately he could no longer control it, so it got out, you found out.

This is a guy that needs you. His sickness interfers with his ability to say sometimes what he wants to say, and it makes him afraid. The thought of loosing you probably panics him even more.

If you have a normal guy that looses his leg in an accident, do you leave him? No. Why not? Because the leg loss was not his fault. It was an accident. Your boyfriends sickness is not his fault. He would rather NOT have this problem. If he kept it under control of 2 years, then he really worked hard to keep his life normal for you.

Go to doctors together to see what else you can do to help him get thru this.

And get both of you on a daily exercise program. Exercise WILL make you BOTH more focused, more in control, and healthier.
Aerobics, stretching, and weightlifting every other day.
If you need help, write.

Answer 10

You cant be mad at someone for hiding a disorder he is probably ashamed of, maybe he didnt want to tell you because other people in his life started distancing themselves from him when they found out. Whatever his reason i am not disagreeing with you on the fact that it was wrong. He definitely should have told you, but i think you are taking this too seriously. Ocd is not a physical disorder, he isnt ill and he cant pass it on to you. Its mental. I suggest you research a bit on the topic, maybe knowing more about it will put you at ease. I think if you truly love him then this is the ultimate test of your love. Now that all his cards are out on the table can you still find it in your heart to love this man? As for your views on drugs, its not like he is doing illegal drugs, he taking prescriptions to help him out, once again i think knowing more about ocd will help you better understand why he is medicated, and perhaps help you accept it.