The boy is troubled emotionally and needs to see a therapist.The mother says she is too busy to take him.She leaves him home alone all day.She cannot control him when she is home.She lets him watch what he wants on TV, and eat what he wants. He has become quite overweight in the past 6 months or so. He is 12 Moving in with us is not an option because he is very unstable and defiant, has been violent towards his mother, and honestly I am scared to have him move in here, I know it would be a nightmare. We live an hour away, it would be hard for my BF to go bring him to a therapist himself, and besides the ex has all his insurance info, etc. He wont take her to court because she would not let him see the boy at all until the court date, and he has no idea how long it would be between filing and the actual court date. He pays for half of everything without question and that is affecting our finances here. She saves up the bills until they total $1000 or more, and demands payment right then
2006-11-28 14:59:43 · 9 answers · asked by eastcoastdebra 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
he makes weekly child support payments, and she bills him for other stuff like medical and dental, which add up quickly even with insurance
2006-11-28 15:07:07 · update #1
The child HAS commited violent acts towards his mother and other kids. I dread the kid's visits due to his unpredictable behavior. I really feel that therapy would help if his mother would get off her a$$ and take him. It would mean forgetting about her new boyfriend one or two nights a week though.
2006-11-28 15:14:47 · update #2
I am confused. Do you really want the boy to get help or are you more concerned about your boyfriend paying money for HIS child? He should pay half of everything. Perhaps you were not perpared to be in a relationship with someone with a child. Also, what exactly would he be taking her to court for? Unless you want custody (and you have already said you do NOT want the child moving in with you) you should let that part go. The court cannot make her take the child to therapy unless he commits a violent act. He is old enough to stay alone. You really have nothing to stand on.
2006-11-28 15:06:40 · answer #1 · answered by syntagma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This child needs discipline, consistency, and routine. He needs the attention, the love a parent should give to a child. By the sounds of it the mother is truely not giving this to him. That's where the behaviours come in. I understand the mother wouldn't let the father see the child if he brings her to court. But at this point we are looking at whats best for the child in the future. The somewhat negleted home or the loving and caring home. Sure it would be hard, but custody is always an option. The father should be paying child support only. Th need for the child. As far as bills, the mother should. She should be a little more responsible and grow up.
2006-11-28 15:13:27 · answer #2 · answered by cbel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The boy does sound troubled but it also sounds like the father needs to step up and take his place as his father. Most likely that is some if not all of the boys problem. He is reaching out for attention by acting out. If his father lives an hour away and his mother leaves him alone all day then what kind of life does a 12yr old boy have other than to get in trouble and act out for attention. My question to you is-Is your bf as concerned about the behavior and situation as you are? If he is than he should do whatever it takes to change it. Standing up to his ex wife shouldnt matter, taking care of his son should! I praise him for paying more than he needs to for the boy but money is not all that matters here! THE BOY IS!! HE NEEDS ATTENTION and probably some professional help. If money is the problem then stop paying half of everything else and just pay for the counseling. What is she going to do take you to court? I dont care if you lived 4 hours away, if he cares at all for his child he would do whatever it takes to show the boy that he loves him and is there for him through it all! No matter what it is. And as far as you not wanting him to move in with you, personally, I dont really think that would be your choice. Same goes for you, you should show your bf that you can stand by your man through it all. Sure it will be a nightmare but it to give that boy more of a chance than what he has now at being something besides a prisoner in the future. So, your bf needs to stand up for the boy even if it means going back to court! Good luck with everything!
2006-11-28 15:48:05 · answer #3 · answered by teach 7018 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there some kind of parenting plan? How can she just save up the bills and then "demand" payment? Does he not pay a monthly sum for child support? Sounds like the kid needs some sort of Boot Camp to learn some Respect. He probably never got it and don`t know what it is.
2006-11-28 15:08:35 · answer #4 · answered by Roxie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you asked, I'm going to tell you the truth. How your boyfriend and his ex-wife handle their son is none of your business. Obviously this child is troubled, and if you want to stay with your boyfriend, you are going to have to accept that his son is in his life and you are going to have to accept that you don't have any right to express your opinions about how he should be raised. This whole scenario sounds like a car crash with tons of drama and stress, and if you stay with your boyfriend, this is how life is going to be. He and his ex-wife have a way of relating to each other and to their child that goes way back, at least 12 years, and they are not going to change and you will not be able to change them. Accept the situation or move on. Good luck, I wish you well.
2006-11-28 15:37:18 · answer #5 · answered by No Shortage 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't complain about how she raises him if you have so many excuses as to why you cannot do it. Also, this is your boyfriends issue and you need to butt out of it. Your boyfriend should be making regular child support payments and that should handle the bills
2006-11-28 15:03:24 · answer #6 · answered by xovenusxo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing you can do about this situation is to get out of it there is nothing you can do here and you have a lot to loose. This is not your mess why do you want to be tied to it. Get out now and find someone with less dangerous baggage
2006-11-28 15:19:51 · answer #7 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are much too caught up in all the drama here.....my advice is to find another boyfriend without children. Life is too short!
2006-11-28 15:09:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
u can tell him ur opinion but its up to him, that is between him n his ex not u. its their son not urs. sorry
2006-11-28 15:01:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋