I have been seeing this guy for about a month now and we are still getting to know eachother and decide where our relationship is. What I think I am looking for is somebody for a long term relationship who I can marry and have children with. That may sound old fashioned, and I am young but I kind of want that. I don't want to date somebody for no reason and miss out on my future husband.
Anyway, tonight he asked me if I ever thought I would have kids. I said yes. I asked him, and he said No. Than I asked why, and he said because he doesn't want a bunch of different children with different woman. He has two with his ex wife.
So I got upset but pretended I was okay than excused myself, so he followed me and asked what was wrong and why was I being cold all of a sudden. I said, Nothing I just have things I have to do tonight. Than after that he said, 'Fine, don't bother calling me again'
That is all after he told me he really liked me. Am I wrong to feel this way?
2006-11-28 14:18:22 · 37 answers · asked by catanomicsunset 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You have only been dating for a month.. give the guy some room. I think it is great that he doesnt want to rush into having more children. He said he doesn't want any, but it is totally possible that he could change his mind after being in a steady relationship with someone be really cares about. He may have seen things differently in a few years.
You were wrong to pretend everything was fine. You should have talked to him immediately . Let him know that it upset you.
After a 1 month relationship it is understandable that he may not want to even think about children already.
You can try seeing him to explain, but chances are you may have blown it with him. Or , you could just move on and find someone that shares the same desire to be a parent as you.
Good Luck!
2006-11-28 14:25:54 · answer #1 · answered by Jen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Difficult. You've only been dating for a month (you don't say how old you both are). It's a bit much to lay something down that heavy so early on. He already has children and may not want more - perfectly reasonable. However, that doesn't help you. I think you're being a bit blinkered with this 'dating for no reason' malarkey - why not have some fun? It's part of life to take risks and meet different partners. How on Earth can you make an objective decision without a representative sample?
I think you need to speak to him again. Explain that you shouldn't have brought it up and see what he says. If you like him, continue to see him. Personally, I'd move on - there are plenty of guys who'd (eventually) want to settle down with you (I'm sure).
2006-11-28 14:27:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may not be as dumb as everyone seems to think. He may be getting serious about you but is adamant on where he stands about having kids. If you are wanting kids he is just letting you know that you may need to look in the direction of some other man that also has the same desire as yourself.
I have two children from a previous marriage and do not want anymore. When I would date somebody I was starting to have feelings for, then I would casually bring up their thoughts on children. If he said he wanted more of some of his own, it was time for me to move on and save the heartache of the both of us.
Cut this guy some slack....he may have had good intentions. You were not wrong to be hurt that he doesn't want to have any children. You were not justified in getting angry with him over his honesty.
2006-11-28 14:29:33 · answer #3 · answered by stacey h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that there is anything wrong in feeling like you feel. But I think that you should have been honest when he asked what was wrong.
I believe that is it really important to work out issues as important as how you each feel about kids before you get into a long-term relationship or marriage. In my case, I knew that my fiance never really had his heart into having kids, but I thought I could change his mind one day. Guess what? After 11 years of marriage, we don't have any kids. I love him and can't say I have regrets, but I do wonder if I might one day.
I wish you the very best and hope that you will find someone that will someday be a wonderful husband AND father, if that is what you truly want.
2006-11-28 14:24:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not wrong to be upset, but you were wrong to hide it from him. That's just silly drama and I don't blame him for telling you not to call....you went from warm and fuzzy to cold and distant but lied about it.
Guys don't want to play games any more than women do (most don't anyway).
If you and he weren't on the same page regarding kids, then it wasn't likely a good long term match anyway...but you handled the situation poorly. Next time, just be honest and talk about it. At least then if things end, you can both know why and that although you liked each other, you just didn't have the same goals.
In this situation, you like him but are bummed because he didn't want to have kids (potentially with you), and he probably thinks you're just another PMSing psycho/moody chick.
2006-11-28 14:23:29 · answer #5 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if he's that immature and told you not to call him again there is your answer,don't give up your life for someone else,follow your heart and dreams!! you will find the right guy but he's not the one.
Me and my ex broke up for the same reason after dating for over a year we were talking about marriage and he didn't want kids,we decided to go our own ways and we are still great friends and i am now married and have kids it all worked out for the better,and he is single with his dog lol
2006-11-28 14:23:25 · answer #6 · answered by tesla 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is already trying to control you by not acknowledging how you feel. He is so selfish for not asking you what was bothering you and tells you not to call him. He was wanting you to come running to him and forget how you felt. You are better off without him. If you want marriage and children then you need to find someone who wants the same. Good luck, you deserve someone who Loves you.
2006-11-28 14:34:12 · answer #7 · answered by horsecrazy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you aren't wrong, you need to look out for what you want of course! You need to agree on the big important things like children and such or it's a waste of time. Way better to find out now than later down the road!
2006-11-28 14:21:36 · answer #8 · answered by Pashta 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well 1st you should have gotten to know him before entering a relationship! Than it would have been easyier for you to decide what you want and does he have it!And you should always think about what you will be carrying on into your life,(like the kids he already has and thing in his life)! It effects you too! But I would get rid of him!
2006-11-28 14:24:24 · answer #9 · answered by Jmelia213 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like what you want and what he wants doesn't match. You got your wake up call only 1 month into the relationship. That's great! Now you can move on and find someone who does want what you want.
You are not wrong to feel that way at all.
2006-11-28 14:21:12 · answer #10 · answered by booktender 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋