I know how it sounds, but he is driving my crazy. My husband and I have had custody of his son since 2002 when he was almost 6. He has not seen his biological mother since spring 2003. He is 10 now and has absolutely no respect for me. He is bringing out the worst in me by lying, cheating and beating up on my other two kids (younger and girls). The other night when I caught him in yet another lie, I was so angry with him that I had to leave the room before I seriously hurt him. I love him dearly but I am afraid that one of these days I may snap and hurt him and I cannot lose all three of my children because he is driving me crazy. Is it wrong that I want to send him to his mother's for awhile (not forever)?
2006-11-28 13:44:09 · 11 answers · asked by Leslie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
No it is not wrong that you feel that way. You are just being honest about your feelings. I also had to deal with a stepson who did all those same things, and even though we had custody of him at that time, I finally saw that counceling was not helping him. He just seemed to want to do what he wanted and showed no remorse for his actions. I decided that if he stayed there, he was going to destroy my marriage, rob me blind, make me or his dad loose our job from having to take off work to go to the school, or hurt one of our other kids. So, we did send him to his mothers.
As horrible as it sounds, I felt such relief once he left. You simply can not allow one child, your own or step, to ruin your family, especially if there are other children involved. Those children can not be sacrificed for the sake of one troubled child. Perhaps, the troubled children need help that they can not get while living in that household.
2006-11-28 14:16:30 · answer #1 · answered by LittleMermaid 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You are in a Catch-22. If you send him away, your husband may resent you and you may trash any hopes of a good relationship with your stepson because he may view you as throwing him away. On the other hand, your stepson may be getting exactly what he wants even though his mother may or may not be warm to that. Essentially, I don't think the answer is to get rid of people just to have them out from under you, eventually they come back with even more issues. You can try a few things like initiating a consistent reward/punishment method. Allying with your husband to achieve behavioral goals in tandem so the boy realises that you and your husband have a common standard that he must adhere to. However, when he acts out against the girls, jerk a knot in his *** by removing him from his normal environment to a more austere one with activities he doesn't like. Examples, supervise him in the garage while he moves things around for you, or picking up dog poop in the backyard in the rain, or cold ( be reasonable though).
2006-11-28 14:14:35 · answer #2 · answered by Maz69 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it would be good for your whole family to get some counseling. Your step-son needs to learn to respect you and he needs help to stop his lying and cheating. As for fighting with the girls, I think all siblings go through this and still grow up loving each other. Don't wait until he's older. It will make things a lot easier if you get him some help now.
2006-11-28 13:52:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
no it is not wrong to have this feeling of wanting to send him away. but acting on it would be.you excepted this child as part of you. now you need to learn how to deal with his short comings.if this were one of your daughters would you be thinking the same way as you are about him? maybe just maybe, he and you need some mom and son time. give it a try, just have a day with you and him and as long as it goes well the first time then i would make plans to do it more often.also it wont hurt your husband to get more involved. good luck!! by the way a good old fashion hug goes a long way!
2006-11-28 13:55:55 · answer #4 · answered by here to help 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, honey it's not wrong at all. You sound so much better saying you want to send him off for a while than admitting, if it were true, that you hit him or something. He actually needs to be sent to some kind of juvenile facility so he can learn his lesson. I'm sorry for what you're having to go through but just keep a strong head on your shoulders and do what you feel is best. Godbless. Email if you would like.
2006-11-28 14:02:24 · answer #5 · answered by Just get it over with already!! 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
i could have your mom and step-dad walk you down the aisle on an identical time. it is who you're closest to. Your son would desire to be in touch in some incorrect way. i do now no longer in basic terms like the assumption of "offering you with away," yet whilst that's what you opt to do, then do it. I walked around our circle by using way of myself. i does now no longer worry approximately hurting your dad's thoughts - he had 30 years to augment a relationship with you. pondering the certainty which you're honestly no longer close he does no longer "straight away away" get a bypass to have the honour of walking you down the aisle. that could in basic terms be stupid.
2016-10-13 07:52:34 · answer #6 · answered by millie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why on earth hasn't his father stepped in? Do you really think his bio mom would do better? I doubt it...there is a erason why he is living with you. He probably does need a good spanking.
2006-11-29 04:47:52 · answer #7 · answered by robinc1117 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Get some counseling about it. Take him to counseling and his father should be part of it also. All 3 of you.
2006-11-28 13:50:03 · answer #8 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband has had him for 4 years if he is a problem its because yall are NOT doing your jobs as parents.The poor kid needs love and guidance and boundary's.By all means find him a better home.
2006-11-28 14:48:31 · answer #9 · answered by morganslilone 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋
It's not wrong that you want to send him to his mother for a while because you need a break for a while. Try to send him to his mother for a weekend. You and your husband can talk with his mother to solve and help this child.
2006-11-28 15:00:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋