I think I have issues with sex?

Question

Ok, I am a virgin, I've never had sexual intercourse. I've done many other things, but the thing is (except for kissing), I always end up feeling extremely guilty afterwards. I think that if I do go through with it and have sex, I would feel very depressed about it after. Not about losing it, but, feeling ashamed. Even if it were with someone who I care about and vice versa. I have never brought this up to anybody, and I don't know if this is a serious thing and I need to see a therapist? Has anyone else had a problem similar to this? (I am 20, and have never been sexually abused.)

Oh yeah, this feeling of shame has kind of deterred me from actually having sex. Let alone the fear of what comes after.

Answer 1

There are plenty of people your age and beyond who haven't had sexual intercourse. I didn't have intercourse until I was 23. It's nothing to feel bad about just because society might say it's 'different.'

Yes, it can be a very beautiful thing between 2 people who love one another, but only if you're ready for it. The worst thing would be to do something you're not ready for just because someone else says you should.

Be true to your own needs, and you won't have to worry about it. I think the fact that I waited instead of giving in to peer pressure, enabled me to enjoy it, where if I hadn't waited, it might've turned out to be something traumatizing that I wouldn't have wanted to do again.

As far as a therapist, I wouldn't suggest it now unless it's something you can't stop thinking about. After you're not a virgin anymore, see what happens. If you've been doing it for a while and if you still feel really bad, then I'd think about talking with a therapist.

So my advice is not to worry about it. You've got plenty of time, and when you're ready for it, it'll happen the right way.

________

Answer 2

Yes, I know how you feel. I'm 22, and lost my virginity when I was 20. However, for a while until then, I would feel really guilty or dirty after doing anything. I thought I was being slutty, and I didn't like that feeling. Finally, I just had to get it over with, and you know what? I felt so much better afterwards. It's really important, though, that if you become sexually active, that you do it with someone you love. It sounds like we're a lot alike, and I know for a fact I would feel AWFUL if I did it with someone thinking it was an expression of my feelings and they just thought of it as sex. Don't worry though, you're feelings will pass...they're probably a result of the stigma society has given to sex. Good luck!

Answer 3

Oh no that sounds terrible!
First of all I really don't think you being in a relationship with someone and going 'all the way' is gonna be as bad as you think. Comparing just being with someone to actually having a steady relationship and doing anything sexually is a completely different feeling. Having someone you love and enjoy being around and giving them pleasure is such a satisfying feeling. And Vise Versa.
If you fall in love with someboby and you end up having sex with them i assure you that you will not feel depressed at all. Love is such a powerful thing. Just hang out till the right one comes along. And you will no when the right one comes along. Don't be scared, making love is such a beautiful thing. I often cry after having sex with my parnter, it's so wonderful. Good luck.

Answer 4

crap, religion has kinda screwed with you, huh? stay away from catholics and other religious nuts - "feel guilty"?, about what?, experiencing something that every human being that has ever lived has experienced?, anyone that makes you feel guilty about something so human, is someone that has done the same as what they are making you feel guilty about. oh, and yes guys feel the same way, that may be why they have an orgasm and then disappear, they feel guilt that has been thrown on them too. so prepare for the following
1. it will be a lil' painful the first time
2. it will feel a WHOLE lot better as you "do it" the second, third etc.............

Answer 5

Hey my name's Jason, and yeah, if you feel like you're not ready, then you should wait till you're sure, remember once it's gone you'll never get it back, and the shame will live on inside you for some time, wait wait wait wait, no need for therapy! YOu're only problem is that you ain't a slutt like other girls who wanna lose it to be cool or because they're super hornny!!!

Answer 6

Maybe you need to figure out why you feel sex is so shameful. Sex can be one of the most beautiful expressions of love when both are in love with each other.

Answer 7

I have a simialr problem but I'm only 15...I NEVER been close to any guy ever. I'm afraid of it and kissing and making out kinda disgusts me for some reason. I'm guessing its just a normal phase ur just not ready yet.

Answer 8

I'm 48 years old and married for 30 years. I still get that. especially when me and the mrs. get into the higher intensity range. That's how I know we really reached it. After 30 years those kinds of things get kind of important.

Answer 9

This is a very good blog, a beginner’s guide to abnormal psychology.
Short, clear and simple; and you can even post your question and contact the author regarding particular subject you are interested in, for FREE

http://sensitive-psychoworld.blogspot.com/

Answer 10

A lot of people are emberrased by sex... its nothing serious. You just need to get more confident about if you want it or not. There's definitly nothing depressing about it... unless they leave you afterwards or something.