I just found out that my dad is divorcing my mom, and I totally hate him right now. I have no idea if this is all right, and I can't stand to be around him anymore.
2006-11-28 11:45:26 · 7 answers · asked by Make a wish 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your feelings are not right or wrong.. they just are. Don't feel bad or wrong. Just give yourself permission to feel however you feel, and don't stifle those feelings. Maybe your parents won't know exactly what to do with your anger, but it is valid, and you shouldn't pretend it's not there. That is totally unhealthy for YOU to try to act like it isn't there, or isn't affecting you. They may be more sympathetic and attentive to you than than you expect. Or they may not be able to be what you need them to be for you right now, but that isn't your problem. You can hate whats happening as much as you want, without any guilt. It's hard because you don't neccesarilly want to feel hate for your dad forever, but if you give yourself permission to feel that hate and rage, and even express it, the sooner you can move past it. Pretending it isn't there will only make you end up hating yourself for feeling this way about the people who brought you into this world.Put those feelings where they belong, on the people who are causing this chaos. As vunerable your parents seem right now, trust me,they can handle your feelings. If you have to distance yourself from your dad for a while, take care of yourself, and don't worry about anyone but you. Your job is to protect yourself if your parents aren't doing it for you.Don't try to help your parents, trust me, they are doing that for themselves. Be honest about your feelings, and don't try to protect anyones feelings but your own. You are an important part of whats happening, don't sacrifice your feelings for anyone. You are the most important person in your life, and whatever happens with your parents have to go on with your life and make the best of it, be strong for yourself.
2006-11-28 12:48:31 · answer #1 · answered by ruthie a 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand what you are going through so much!!! It is OK to be upset with you dad, you feel like he has wronged you and your mom and that is OK. But what you have to realize is just because your mom and dad's relationship is ending doesn't mean yours with your dad has to end. It took me a while to realize that. Take some time and get used to the idea that your parents aren't going to be together any more. Feel what ever feelings you have and sort them out and decide eventually if you want a relationship with your father. Chances are you will so when you are ready you can start to mend your relationship.
2006-11-28 11:55:54 · answer #2 · answered by Bubby'sGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gender identity is a powerful thing. Generally in a divorce, the girls side with the mom and the boys side with the dad. (This assumes that there's no infidelity or abuse.)
The bottom line is that it is not your fight. You should stay out of it. Whatever happened, it took two people to drive the marriage in the ditch. One of them may be at fault, but it's not your fight.
Even if your dad filed for the divorce, he is probably hurting too. You stonewalling him will just make him feel worse.
Ask him on a daddy/daughter date and tell him you still love him. You can tell him you're angry, but that you still love him.
2006-11-28 11:55:09 · answer #3 · answered by Otis F 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This happens to kids in the middle of a divorce situation.
It usually is the kids that suffer because of theor parents actions.You are going to have to give it some time. YOUR FEELINGS MAY HEAL OR THEY MAY NOT.
it's too early for you. take it slow and whatever you do, dont let them use you to strike back at each other..
2006-11-28 11:51:28 · answer #4 · answered by apostle1938 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you hate your father. I think you hate the situation and you are projecting that hate to your father. In the mean time, while you learn to cope with your new reality, keep your distance from him while still being respectful or at the very least civil.
2006-11-28 11:58:02 · answer #5 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you're mad at him and you probably will be for awhile. Try to remember that what happens between them is not your fault and you can't know all the reasons behind it. And know that he still loves you.
2006-11-28 11:53:54 · answer #6 · answered by R. F 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
of course it's normal. but sooner or later, you are going to have to except this. this is there decision- and it doesnt mean they are going to stop loving you.
2006-11-28 11:50:14 · answer #7 · answered by jumanjifaceee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋