Help, for diciplining children when everyone else thinks they should be allowed to whatever they want.?

Question

My son steals from stores everytime we go in. My husband just takes the stuff and puts it back on the shelf. Now, he has started stealing toys from his daycare. Today, I tried to take the stolen item away and my husband said "No, he got it this far, just let him play with it." He even started playing with the toy with my son, talking about how 'cool' the toy is. Yesterday, my son colored with magic marker all over our entertainment center. After pleading with my husband to punish him he sent him to his room to "play with toys". When my mother saw the marker her and my husband started talking about how good of a job he did because he stayed within' the grooves on the plastic. Is it just me or is this an unhealthy situation for my kids. I mean am I overreacting to be angry at my husband or does anyone else find this strange?

Answer 1

I think you need to sit down with your husband and figure out what to do about your son's behavior--or better yet, your husband's behavior. What kind of father lets their son get away with drawing on the furniture with permanant marker? What kind of father allows their child to steal? Obviously one who would rather be a friend then a parent. You know what? Your husband might be your son's friend right now, but later on when your son ends up in jail he's going to be wishing he had a parent telling him "no" every once in awhile.

Answer 2

I have two sons 3yrs old and 9 months old. My eldest is an absolute terror and he also has a problem with ownership. I personally dont think that you are overreacting. Firm discipline is needed so your son can understand the boundarys of acceptable behaviour. Mind you though, if your husband doesn't agree with your point of view it can make it difficult. Maybe you should sit down with your husband and work out a punishment system? e.g a quiet corner or room with no toys for time out. Depending on how old your son is it can be difficult to make them understand why he is being punished. Both parents need to reach an agreement on how to punish a child and about what needs punishment. Stealing is definately something that needs to be discouraged or it can be embarrasing if you go shopping with just you and your son.

Answer 3

You are not over reacting. I'm not sure what planet the rest of your family is from, but here on planet earth, those behaviors are not acceptable. Your son needs to be disciplined for stealing and for coloring on your furniture. You don't say how old the child is, but a time out each time he does something wrong would be a good place to start. Your son should have to return the toy to the daycare and apologize for taking it. If your son is not disciplined for doing things wrong, he will never learn that these things are wrong. I could go on, but I don't want to be preaching to the choir.

You know what needs to happen, the problem appears to be convincing your husband of that. Family counseling may help, and parenting classes. It is unlikely that your husband will do these things on his own so you will have to go with him. If/when you convince him to attend family counseling or parenting classes, try to avoid statements that start with "I told you...."

Good luck.

Answer 4

It is a bit strange. If your son steals again, make him return the item to whom ever he stole it from. Tell your husband that if you praise him now for stealing it will only get worse and you don't feel like bailing him out of jail when he is 16 for stealing a car :) Also, a natural punishment for writing over things with makers is for the makers to be taken away until he learns what can and cant be drawn on. Don't depend on your husband to discipline your son... step in and do it yourself. You need to have a discussion about this with your husband. Ask him why he doesn't feel your son should be disciplined.

Answer 5

How old is this child? If he's in daycare, I'm guessing he's a preschooler. You can't let this go on because it's only going to get worse. Your husband knows in his heart that your son needs discipline. If after a quiet discussion about this--just the two of you--if your husband persists in thinking this behavior is OK, I'm guessing his issue is with you, and that he is taking an opposing point of view just to rattle your cage. Meanwhile, let your son know who is in charge. (Children need to know that the adults are in charge.) Take away those Magic Markers and anything else that he doesn't use respectfully. Inform him that he will not get them back until he shows you he can be trusted with them. And Absolutely--make him return anything he takes.

Answer 6

Sounds like your hubby needs counseling, and you along with him. You are going to have a juvenile delinquint on your hands if you don't step up soon.

I guess, I don't understand why you don't stick up to your husband. When he talked about the cool toy, say yes, it is cool, but what you did is stealing, and that is horrible. Just because you want something doesn't mean you just take it. Let's go write a note to apoligize to your teacher. And make him return it with the note.

As for the entertainment unit, I hope you made hubby clean it, since he liked it so much.

Answer 7

This sounds like a horrible situation for you. I'd absolutely make him take whatever he stole back into the store, give it back to the cashier and apologize. After having to take responsiblility for what he did, he'll probably stop. He needs to know you're going to be consistent with him. Good luck with your husband!

Answer 8

strange, yes, sounds like your husband and your mother both need to me punished too. yea, I'm not the most perfect parent but I would let them knoe that you are the parent alsdo and you are not going to stand for this. Good luck and keep me posted..

Answer 9

This is horrible.

You are going to have to step in and be the disciplinarian in the house. But that's ok--I am in mine.

You son needs to have a set of rules laid down and punished when he violates them.

And you are going to have to be the one who does it--regardless of what your , (sorry about this) stupid husband thinks.

Answer 10

your hubby is totally wrong and way off base for letting that kid get away with all that...the kid will think he can get away with everything and will big a bigger problem as he grows older,,, tell hubby to grow up,, if he continues seek help thru social services,, sounds like hubby has a problem of his own to take care of too!!!