I have currently broken off my engagement and I'm feeling very depressed, there were many reasons for the break up, but what I want to know is marriage really the best thing that has ever happened to you? Do you believe that love is really out there and people can be happy together? Is it worth even dreaming about? I know that nobody is perfect and I am not expecting that from a man...but do you believe you found that one perfect person and you don't regret marrying him/her? I am now single, and I don't have any hope for the future, I don't know if I will ever be happy again. Did that person just walk into your life and that was it? Where can I find encouragement, I just don't believe in love or that good people exist anymore. Is marriage over rated?
2006-11-28 10:22:22 · 8 answers · asked by Yul'ka 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Marriage is not the best thing that ever happened to me, it is however, one of the best things that I have had the pleasure of participating in.
Yes, love is out there, and people can be happy together.
You can dream about anything you wish in your life. Sky is the limit.
No one is perfect but there is someone out there who is near perfect for you. Of this I have NO doubts.
For me, I had known my husband since H.S. We were not H.S. sweethearts, in fact he was just a face with a name. And sometimes I got him and his brother mixed up. After H.S. I never saw him again. 4yrs after H.S. his sister took me home with her for Christmas to spend the holiday....he was home from college, and by that following April we were married. That's our story.
Marriage is what you make of it. Marriage is hard work, everyday. You have to be a complete person yourself before you get married. When you get married it should be like marrying your best friend. Marriage requires communication, acceptance, and compromise. No, marriage in not over-rated. If anything people don't think enough of it, and don't take it for the seriousness it deserves.
I have 4 rules in a relationship and 2 rules of thumbs. I want to share them with you, because you seem at a point where you may need them for future use.
Rules: These are deal breakers, and when you next get involved tell your BF these rules and you expect them to be followed.
1. NO HITTING. (this includes all forms of abuse)
2. NO LYING. (small white lies are acceptable. example: "No, I don't know what your best friend is getting you for your birthday." When in fact you helped his best friend pick it out.)
3. NO CHEATING. (Physical and/or emotional. Discuss what both forms entail, do not assume that he will know what you consider cheating)
4. NO STEALING.
Rules of Thumb. (for behavior)
1. Would you do what you are doing if your BF/GF/Spouse was standing right behind you and looking over your shoulder? No? Stop doing it, it is wrong. Yes? Continue on and have a good time.
2. Pick your fights. Is this issue truly worth fighting over? No? Stop arguing, let it go. Yes? Stick to your guns until they agree or a compromise can be reached.
2006-11-28 10:46:15 · answer #1 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a complicated question. I am 46 years old and have been married twice. My first marriage was miserable. After the divorce, I felt just like you do right now. I believed that marriage was, for the most part, a pretty raw deal, and I doubted I'd ever do it again. After a little while I relaxed and began to enjoy being single. I started dating, not really because I wanted to get married again, but because I felt good about myself and was willing to take the risk. Before long I met my current husband, and yes, we are extremely happy. Based on my own experience, I'd have to say that marriage can be the best thing in the world . . . but it can also be the worst. Which experience you have of it depends on many factors. It's critical to chose an appropriate partner; you must know your spouse very well. Once you're married you must treat each other well, with respect at all times, and learn to resolve conflicts in a healthy way.
Although you may not realize this right now, you have already made a good choice in setting yourself up for a good marriage. You were willing to walk away from a bad choice. Good luck.
2006-11-28 10:41:49 · answer #2 · answered by Helen W. 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am not married myself, but I honestly feel like answering your question. I am a guy that knows two girls in your situation, and I have talked to a lot of married couples who are forty years strong. Marriage is not a cakewalk, but they ALL say it is worth it!
Today, we popularize the image that marriage is about feelings. The idiots that popularized this image have no clue. They probably never marraiges that lasted. Maybe, some have never had marriages at all!!
Marriage is a beautiful thing. You fall in love, get married, lose friends, gain friends, change living arrangements, change lifestyles, get cast in a role, become a Mom or Dad, go to PTS, go through kids of all stages of development, watch them grow up and move out, have them over for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Marriage is beautiful because of commitment.
When you find the next guy, make sure he is gong to commit when you say I do and even when he pops the question. If commitment is not on his mind, you will know! A commited marriage lasts and produces great results. Who doesn't want a best friend to live with you everyday??? This is the wisdom I pass on from married couples.
As for how you are feeling, I know others like you. The right man is coming your way. Heck, maybe it is me! lol, jk! Someone is coming for you seriously!
God bless!
2006-11-28 10:35:28 · answer #3 · answered by +TheEndIsInSight+ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You shall know them by their fruit. Actions speak louder than words. You have acknowledged the warning signs. It is good that you are questioning whether you should continue in this relationship. I would say you two are unequally yoked. If you are serious about your faith, then your future husband should be considered the head of the family (as much as we women don't like that). And if he does not take the reins of spirituality in your family, then your family will not grow in God and will be out of balance. It's a lonely journey for the wife to pursue God on her own. And it is likely to get worse once you're married (I know this from personal experience). As a Christian woman, it is an excellent idea to require in a future husband a man who is willing to pray with you. This demonstrates a humble, godly attitude and a spirit of intimacy that is really important in a marriage relationship. If you can pray together, then your marriage has a much better chance at succeeding. It is always more difficult to do the right thing than the wrong thing. But it always pays off in the end. Sometimes you have to give up what appears to be good in order to be available to receive the best. I would at the VERY least put the engagement on hold. I would also seek counsel from a mature Christian who has demonstrated wisdom to you. I agree with other respondents that it is not wise to seek advice off the internet for something this important. Obviously, you received some unsolicited answers even though you asked for sound Christian advice. You don't know any of us. Please be careful whose advice you take in life. If they're in the Word and growing closer to God, then those people would be worth listening to. May God reveal Himself to you in a special way!
2016-05-22 23:25:46 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No marriage is not over rated. Marriage has been one of the greatest things. Yes people can be happy in a marriage. Dream until the day you find that someone special, and you will know when that is because you will find that you cant picture your life without that person and you can see yourself happily growing old with that person. :o)
2006-11-28 10:29:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes marriage is over rated. and yes i feel that that there is someone for everyone. I've been married for 17yrs and can't wait to get out of it. i have found some one that I truly love. it's hard to believe but you make mistakes in life and in marriage. some people get lucky and find the right mate the first time around and some of us it takes awhile. don't give up on love it s@cks being a lone. good luck
2006-11-28 10:28:58 · answer #6 · answered by ginny 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The part that I wanted to answer was about the good guys out there...
Yes there are, but they are not gonna be the players, and you are gonna have to sit back and figure out what these guys are about... see through the bs
I think marriage is good if you find the right person, and you cannot get with someone until you are actually fine with being alone. I know it sounds stupid, but desperate ppl do stupid things...like get with the wrong person...
cya
2006-11-28 10:49:35 · answer #7 · answered by hypno_tise 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well im in an interesting situation --- im just about to get a divorce after 30 years together and i am or want to marry my new lady ---- she did walk into my life and that was it
i do believe in love and she is a wonderful person and i dont think marrige is overated
2006-11-28 10:30:19 · answer #8 · answered by trader1867 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋