Question for Atheist or Agnostic?

Question

If you have children or plan to how do/will you raise them?
I consider myself Agnostic, yet my fiancee is Christian. He was very conserned about how our children will be raised. I figured that if he want to take them to church, that is fine, I might even go a few times. But if they don't want to, they won't have to.
Anyway I was just curious as to how others go about this issue.
Thanks for all answers that answer this question.

Answer 1

I'm a lifelong atheist with two young children, and my wife is an agnostic with spiritual leanings.

I learned from being a teacher that most people are fairly ignorant about their beliefs, and very sensitive. I discuss whatever my older (6) son wants to talk about, and I'm careful not to commit to any point of view.

I do tell him, when we're discussing anything supernatural, that I don't believe in it, but that many people do. So for instance, when we're near a church, he's sometimes interested in what the building is for, and I tell him enough to satisfy his curiosity.

I've actually recently been considering taking my kids to religious services of a fairly wide variety in order to give them the opportunity to compare and contrast for themselves. If they want to believe differently than I do and I repress that, they will simply resent me.

I would draw the line at hate groups.

Answer 2

It almost doesn't matter what you tell them when it comes to that sort of thing since my family was Catholic yet I didn't quite believe what they were saying for as far back as I can remember. I'd probably tell my kids that some people believe in a god/gods, some people don't and other people don't know or care. I'll say that I believe anything is possible and then I'll do my best to answer all their impossible to answer questions. If you raise them right in all other ways they'll be able to figure out the whole religion thing on their own anyway. I really believe that.

Answer 3

Few things sicken me as much as when I see Christian parents brainwashing their children into following in their footsteps. I'm Agnostic, but am in a very Christian family, my dad's even a Baptist preacher. My sister has 4 kids that are being raised Christian. It's ok I guess to give them that side of things but at least give them the other options as well. That's what I have a problem with. They only buy their kids Christian cartoons to watch, Christian books to read, Christian music to listen to. When they don't provide other options that's called brainwashing. The children have no choice but to believe what they are taught and that sickens me. My children would be raised as free thinkers. They would be taught all the different options and would then be free to choose their own course in life.

Answer 4

My wife is an atheist. I'm not sure what I am.

We never allowed anyone to indoctrinate our youngest son with any religious ideas. At around 8 I got a book from the library that explained the various religions of the world. I did My best to give him a non biased overview of each of them.

He said that Buddhism made the most sense to him. That was OK with both of us. He has always emulated the nonjudgmental Buddhist ways in his dealings with others.

The christian kids are often hateful and nasty to him when they find out that he is not a christian but it never seems to bother him much.

He just says that he feels sorry for them because they have been convinced that they are sinners, and that God would judge them or punish them. He sees these ideas of a judgmental punishing God as being nonsense.

Be careful who you let form your children's idea of God because they will be stuck with that Idea for a long time. The idea that you are a sinner and God may not even like you has caused a lot of mental illness.

Love and blessings Don

Answer 5

I am Jewish, but I don't believe in the bible or God as most people think of him. I guess this means I am not very Jewish, but I still enjoy the traditions and family values of the Jewish faith. I suggest raising your children with a religion, to help give them a moral compass, and then let them decide what they think for themselves, when they are older. That is what I plan on doing. I also plan on making sure they know that just b/c they are taught something in Temple/Church, it doesn't mean it is true, and the same goes for what they read in the bible.

Answer 6

You can't force anyone to do anything that they don't want to do. I personally am more on the Scientific side. Also, letting your children go to church is a good idea. You can't be close minded, so to show your kids that there are more "ideas" of religion out there then just the Christian faith is a good thing. I've gone to Christian churches, Methodist churches, everything. As long as you let your kids know that there is not one correct religion and let them be open to discover what it is that they want to believe in, any way you do it is fine.

Answer 7

Simple - when they are old enough to make a choice, I will present them with ALL RELIGIONS and tell them that they should study all of them and decide then which one makes the most sense to them - if any at all. Whatever they choose is their choice - not mine.

But Ill tell you what shocks me. Youre agnostic and married to a Christian - and HE is worried about how your children will be raised? Why did he bother marrying a "heathen" then? Most likely because you are a good person. Interesting...youre a good person who isnt Christian. So, they must exist. Yet, he feels that they dont?? Doesnt that strike you as odd that he would be concerned with how YOU are going to raise YOUR child when he is married to YOU?

This is one of the reasons I hate religion - look at how it makes people perceive life. If you allow him to indoctrinate your children into that faith, you can bet your azz that your children will grow up to be as intolerant as he is.

Answer 8

Husband to be's agnostic, I'm atheist.

What we've decided, if we have kids, is that we'll TEACH them about different religions of the world, and then when they're old enough to decide for themselves, let them choose what faith to follow, if any. Even if they become Christian. I don't fear it because I know that we'll have taught them to be respectful, that whatever faith they choose isn't the only one, so I don't worry about raising a generation of fire-and-brimstone types.

As far as your situation, that's a toughie. I'd advise REALLY sitting down and discussing this and coming to a compromise because if you don't want them to be raised religious and he does, it could cause some BIG problems. My own parents, while both religious, have had issues when it comes to me.

My father's devout, was raised in a home where unless you were dying or puking, you had better get your butt to service every Sunday. My mother, however, came from a more relaxed family. Her parents went and believed, but they went when they could and felt like it. Father was baptized, Mom doesn't think she ever was. Mom didn't go to Sunday School or church until the age of 14 when a neighbor invited her and her siblings to go. My father had no choice.

My mother knows of my atheism and supports me. She knows it's my choice, I'm an adult, she's not going to get all bent out of shape over it. My father, however, he doesn't know, and I FEAR telling him and doubt I ever will. He would disown me or worse if he knew. Not being Christian, let alone not believing, is NOT an option with him.

Even though they're both Lutheran, there's some HUGE differences that have caused problems in the past. Now that I'm an adult and on my own, it's better. It's not talked about and it's probably better that way. Out of sight, out of mind. If Dad doesn't know I don't go to church, he doesn't blow up about it. The minute it's discussed, it's like WWIII at their house.

You sound like you might be luckier. If you don't mind having your kids go to church and the two of you can agree to let them decide on their own and don't make them go if they decide not to, then that's good. I wish my own father and his side of the family had been more accepting. I'd probably be less messed up emotionally than I am if they had been.

If you guys can come to a compromise, that's essential. Otherwise, if you can't agree, and he wants it one way and you want it another, it's going to be one headache and arguement after another. Children don't belong to one parent, they belong to both of you, and you both have a say, and it's not good on the kids to have parents contradict them, especially over something as emotionally charged as religion.

Believe me, I've been there, having my father say I had no choice, then my mother say I did and didn't have to go if I didn't want to. Took me a LONG time to get over the confusion and feelings of being "wrong" and to realize that Mom was right, that I'm an adult, I can make my own decisions, and I did.

Best advice I can give is to compromise and it sounds like you two are headed in that direction, so that's good. If you don't mind him taking them to church, go for it. But if you don't want him to make them, this is the time to discuss it, not after you're married and have a kid on the way. Genetics are forever, relationships aren't. :P

Answer 9

I consider myself Agnostic, and so does my husband, however, if you ask me, my husband is Atheist.

We plan on raising our children exposed to all religions and ideas. I plan on approaching it more as a learning and thinking experience, this way they are enabled to choose for themselves when they are able to actually comprehend what things mean. I feel it is wrong to raise children to beleive only one thing. I was raised Protestant and my husband Catholic. Both of us, from a young age, knew something was off about our faiths. I don't want that experience for my children, it was not a good feeling.

Answer 10

If I had children, being gay and virulently anti-hetero personally, I'd have to believe in a deity because that'd be miraculous.

But seriously, if I had a kid, I'd raise him/her to know and understand all the religions I could expose him or her to. I would explain that they were all different people's ways of understanding the world. I would never, EVER, give an answer to the question, "Which one's right?" I would, however, answer, "Well, what do YOU believe then, daddy?"

I would want my children to come to their own beliefs by use of logic and reason. If my child chose a religion, I'd help my child learn and grow in that faith.