ok so here is the deal i am married every evening my husband gets off work at 4pm he should be home by 4:30 but he never comes straight home he either goes to the club or to his brothers house and its 5-6 sometimes almost 7 before he comes home... this is really pissing me off he says it is his relax time before he comes home... i know he is not cheating so dont say that thats not an option i know where he is for sure... am i right for being mad about this or am i being petty??? and if i am rite to feel this way how do i make him come straight home?
2006-11-28 09:13:14 · 14 answers · asked by crazyme 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
please dont tell me to try being sexy ect because sadly he isnt into that in our marriage i am the one who would love that not him,,,
2006-11-28 09:14:07 · update #1
to answer some of the q you have asked .. i know hw isnt cheating because i have gone to the club and i have gone to his brothers and he is there with him or alone.. as for me letting myself go no in fact lately i have improved myself some... am i to demanding absulutly not i dont ever ask him for anything i am a giver if anything that is why he has gotton away with this for so long. i do all the house work cooking laundry taking the kids here and there ect.. plus work a 8-10 hr day. i dont nag or complain alot. and yes i am upset about it because i feel like he doesnt want to be with me and his kids i understand he loves his brother and i am fine with that but he chose to be married with kids and i just feel he should be here instead of at his brothers...
2006-11-29 01:46:33 · update #2
Do u have any children??? I would be as mad as u r....
You better tell him u also need him and that u feel he is just thinking in him self Relax time come on... that will be normal once a week but always....
2006-11-28 09:24:50 · answer #1 · answered by lobita 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I too sometimes feel like doing something alone or with friends after work. I think the last thing you should do is get upset about it. Honestly, it will make him want to be gone longer when he feels he's being smothered by the Mrs. You both have to give here. I think you should agree to let him go out a few nights a week without guilting him. And the other nights come home after work and relax with his loving wife.
2006-11-28 17:23:28 · answer #2 · answered by bobthebuilder 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, feelings are not right or wrong. They are valid. They are your feelings, and you can't control them.
You need to ask yourself what is behind the anger you are feeling. Is it jealousy? Are you angry because he seems to be saying "I don't want to spend all my time with you?" Why doesn't he feel relaxed at home? Do you have kids, or are there duties he is obliged to perform when he comes home? Maybe he just loves his brother and wants to spend time with him.
Anyway, my point is that you need to look deeper and find out what is really going behind the obvious emotions. I suggest you consider getting marriage counseling, it isn't only for relationships that are on the rocks ... there is help out there for you. Check with your/his health plan, your church, etc.
I wish you a long and wonderful marriage.
2006-11-28 17:23:48 · answer #3 · answered by Todd 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everyone, after a hard day's work, needs time and a place to decompress.
What you need to do is to get him to decompress with YOU and not with other family members or strangers.
Not only is he taking time to unwind from work, but he gathering courage to return to his marriage. This is not good. Find some way to get him to be drawn more to share and unwind with you the day's troubles. Are you approaching him when he comes thru the door with the day's troubles??? Are you fussing about the kids? the appliances in the house? car troubles? bills? feelings about doing without some things?
If you are slam-dunking him with negative things when he comes through the door, then that is probably the PRIMARY reason why he is taking extra time to returning home.
What you need to do is to present to him a loving welcome, a welcome mat, his slipper, paper, and a pipe [catch my drift ?] when he comes home. Make your house his oasis! Make your house a HOME, a sanctuary, a haven, a place of peace, a solace, a harbor from the storm.
Make it easy for him to RUN home to you! Make him want to come home direct! Have a warm coffee or tea ready for him. Do whatever it takes to tell him HE IS LOVED.
....just an idea! =)
2006-11-28 17:23:28 · answer #4 · answered by YRofTexas 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ask him if you could go to the club or his brothers house with him. See what he thinks a relaxing atmosphere is and try to create it at home. Maybe it is just his type of guy thing. Maybe you can relax by thinking that you are being petty because this is not a serious problem. He cannot make you angry, you choose to be. By being angry you definitely are not creating a relaxed atmosphere.
2006-11-28 17:20:45 · answer #5 · answered by Dhaircutta 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not there with him you cannot say you know he is not cheating. He could be carrying on some type of relationship during these times.
The fact is... if the man has to go somewhere to "relax" before he comes home there are bigger problems. This is no way to carry on a relationship, let alone a marriage relationship. I would not have it for 2 seconds. He's avoiding coming home and you need to talk to him to figure out why.
2006-11-28 17:19:21 · answer #6 · answered by girlysledgirl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's not coming straight home because he doesn't want to be there. Not because he needs to relax. Most of us 99.9% leave work and go home to 'relax' and get away from the world. Something is bothering him.
Talk to him immediately and find out what's really going on. It's better that you get the truth from him now than later.
Good Luck!
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2006-11-28 17:37:22 · answer #7 · answered by misswealthbuilder 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly the problem lies in your question.... you ask, "How can I make him come straight home?"
You can not. It seems obvious that you feel a lack of control and that is what is angering you... not your husbands absence.
It is quite possible that he feels the same way. A lack of control because you are too controlling. This is his way of maintaining control of the relationship. Obviously this is a guess on my part based only on your description. But, you guys need counseling... this will escalate.
2006-11-28 17:18:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is going to the bar for a few drinks after work, why don't you join him once in a while. I did the same thing for years. My wife and her friend used to join us every now and then. I enjoyed it actually. This way, you both can unwind together. If he bulks at this then I'm assuming he wants the time away from you.
2006-11-28 17:22:12 · answer #9 · answered by earlyout 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Turn the tables around and make him wonder where YOU are. If he doesn't come home until 7, go somewhere until 7:30 or 8. When he asks you where you've been, tell him that you need time to "relax" just like he does. If you make him worry about you, he'll be less likely to be out late. Stop letting your life revolve around him and start living yours.
2006-11-28 17:17:27 · answer #10 · answered by Sarah M 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋