How do I tell my daughter who she is and where she comes from?

Question

My daughter is 7 years old and is one of the most wonderful things in the world to me. She was born from extinuating circumstances; however, not a day goes by that I don't thank God for her presense in my life. Her biological father is in prison for murder, etc. I do not really know any of his family. She has a mixed ethnic background, one of which I know nothing about. She is asking questions now, and I am not sure how best to answer her questions. She deserves to know the truth, but the truth will hurt her in the long run, I'm afraid. Is there any way to handle this situation without hurting her any more? Please let me know what advice you have.

Answer 1

Tell her sensitively and tell her what she deserves to know. Tell her that the relationship with her father did not work out, and that he was a naughty man. Tell her you love her, and you are lad you are here and that she is beautiful just the way she is, and that God wanted her to come into your life so much. Tell her she has a wonderful family, and that it may be better to not know her other half of her family, as you know nothing about them.

Answer 2

Yes, I have similar circumstances. I consulted a counselor-she said to speak the truth (but in a limited way because they are small children) because children are very tuned in to the truth and if you tell lies they will be confused and carry that forever. I have said that we loved eachother and my son but that the father made choices that were not safe for us so I am keeping him protected. In your case something like, "I wish that you had a father here, I am so sorry that he's not, but he made some decisions that hurt some people and so he is on a big time out." Otherwise, consult a counselor for more guidance. Good luck. Remember not to bad mouth him because she knows she came from him too.

Answer 3

If you don't tell her the truth and she finds out from some body else then she may never be able to recover... Truth is not always easy to tell but it is the right thing to do. Just tell her a little at a time if kids don't get answers to their questions then they will just fill in the blanks themselves and they are usually negative thoughts.

Answer 4

You need to tell your daughter the truth about everything she asks you. Think about it this way....if you dont tell her the truth when she asks you questions,,she will get older and she will be mad at you for not telling her the truth and possibly hold it against you forever. When my son started asking me questions about his dad who is not in his life but lives 5 min away from us,,i let him make the choice of wanting to see him or not,,,he tried it and didnt like it so he chooses not to see him anymore because he knows hes a loser dad. You need to tell your daughter the whole truth and she can decide later on in life what she wants to do about her dad if anything at all. As long as she knows how much you love her and thats shes special to you,,your bond will never be broken. Just be there for her to make the right choices in life.

Answer 5

7 is not the age for that kind of truth. The most you should tell her is that her daddy had to go to jail because he did something really bad. As she gets older, you can expand the information in small incriments. Always tell her the truth, just the abridged version.

Answer 6

That's a hard one to answer.I understand you want to tell her the truth but given her young age You may be able to give her just enough info to satisfy her curiosity. Don't give too much detail whatever you do. Let her talk when she brings up the subject. Sometimes little white lies are OK if it means protecting her. I am sure as she gets older you will be able to tell her more that she will be able to understand.

Answer 7

all i can say is to tell the truth you dont want to lie to right! and if you dont well she is going to find out some how so just tell me my mom told me to always to the turth its the best way to go! goodluck!withyour little girl and her father!