My bf live together with my daughter. its her play next week and we both have the chance to go.(it would be the first time we would be going together and its her 1st one at her new school)
however when i mentioned it he just kept asking how long it was on for (hardly going to be hours when they are 6!!) and that he might go.....
i have to say i was not impressed by this as we have been going through a rough patch lately the result of which was that he said he was going to make more effort for us to be a family.........
this is his first main chance ie to go and see her in her xmas play with me as a couple and to see his step daughter in her play.... and he gets all arsey with me as he wants to go and practice some sport.
shouldnt her play take priority or am i being unfair?
serious answers only please
2006-11-28 09:00:04 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
maybe he had plans to do something w/ his friends that night. but he was just asking a question. i think that you should be a little offended but not as much as you are now.
-please answer my question, im forgottendream49
2006-11-28 09:04:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes her play should definitely take priority, what is the matter with him?
Any issues that you and he may have are no concern (or fault) of your Daughters, so why can he not support her?
My eldest is seven and I would walk over hot coals to see her in her play. He seems selfish, like many people nowadays, too self centred!
It will be his regret to live with, the years fly by and children grow up soooo fast that you have to cherish every second.
Make sure you go and support her, don't pressure him to do the same; point out that she would love him to be there and leave him to his conscience. If she is not his and things are not great between you, he may not see her as a long term commitment. Can her Father not attend?
At least she has a great Mum!
2006-11-28 17:15:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys need to work out something and quick. I think you are being unfair based on the fact that this is something that you want in your mind. I mean this as in if you desire something don't emply it in hopes that the other person will get it. You both agreed he would participate more but who said it had to be your call what it would be. For you to have an attitude about him wanting to do something else is not being objective. I can say that I had a similar experience with a woman I was dating. She found the things I liked to do childish and beneath her but she always wanted me to do things with her. ie Opera/Plays I told her why should I invest in your wants when you belittle mine. This may or maynot be the case in your relationship but clearly you feel as if your needs or desires out weigh his. There has to be a balance and I think if you work towards that balance you might find him more willing to for go some of his activities for the sake of his family. The pull of the boys can be very intense you know. He has that male bonding thing to deal with you know the whole...who wears the pants, she got you on a short chain, what is she your moms thing going on and in some ways he may feel that way already. So cut him some slack and say babe you can miss this one but you gotta make sure you will be at the next one no excuses...and give him some TLC ie hugs and kisses. I am sure you will find this more effective as men are suckers for this. Who knows maybe that will cause him to decide to go to the play. But if you make it a test of wills he is not going to want to lose. He will not go just so he can feel he did not follow your orders.
2006-11-28 17:20:35 · answer #3 · answered by Wordsmith 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well maybe you should invite your daughters dad if this is possible, if not invite another close family member. Your daughter will love this. Take them out for a meal afterwards (even if only Mc D's). Its all about your daughter after all not about your boyfriend. If he is there watching the time it will spoil the experience for you and your daughter. Yes he is being an **** in my opinion but that's what a lot of men are. Just remember this next time he wants you to go somewhere with him. When you go take plenty of photo's and have a fab time.
2006-11-28 17:09:19 · answer #4 · answered by Buffy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not being unfair... HE IS!!!
He sounds like a bit of a tosser to be honest. If he wants to make a go of of things with you and your daughter then he needs to pull he's finger out. If he cant put you first now then he's not ever going to!!
***Can i just add, to the person below me and all the others who think that just because they arent married she cant expect him to act like they are...***
You dont have to be married to make a commitment to someone. When you take on the responsibity of a woman and her child then you are making a commitment there and then. He made that choice when he started seeing her. He knew she had a child and that he would then have to play an active role in that childs life. No single mother with any decency gets with a man intentionally who isnt prepared to accept her child/children aswell.
He obviously did this at the time and by backing off now i think he obviously wasnt ready for that kind of commitment. I dont think at all that you are being unfair. You are thinking about your child and all of you as a family unit which he clearly isnt!
2006-11-28 17:06:35 · answer #5 · answered by misslolo1981 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you are right, he should want to go - from your point of view. You don't say how long you have been together?
Perhaps the responsibility of a daughter is difficult for him to handle. I know when i first had my children i didn't realise how selfish i was prior to them. When you have your children you give up everything you have to for them.
I would try and explain to him the importance of being there for your daughters sake and how good it would feel for her to have both of you there. I doubt he even thinks its a big deal - you know what men are like! No offence!
2006-11-28 17:12:15 · answer #6 · answered by peachy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well he wants to try and make a better try at being a family, he should go to his step daughters play. If he says he wants more family time kinda things. he should go. if he just wants to go play a sport than he really doesn't want to go at all. he just says that to stay together for the time being. Ask him alot of family type questions and watch his expressions owards them. If it doesn't seem like he cares, he's probably just along for the ride and a place to stay. I dunno, i'ld need to see what he's like on the outside to really judge that part. But i hope everything works out for you and ur family.
2006-11-28 17:09:06 · answer #7 · answered by metal_dude06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should make the effort, after all it`s only a once a year thing. It`s not being fair on your daughter either, when a lot of her friends dads will probably be there. You are right, and he is being a git.
2006-11-28 17:08:55 · answer #8 · answered by The BudMiester 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a good opportunity to be a family unit. I don't think you are being unfair but suggest to him that it would be a really good chance to be a loving and united family. If he still rebels, I wouldn't push him. It sounds like he is asserting his independence and still enjoys the illusion of being a "free man." Pick your battles carefully.
2006-11-28 17:05:38 · answer #9 · answered by smecky809042003 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your daughter should come first- period.
and if he's serious about 'being a family' he already knows that. i noticed you referred to her as his 'stepdaughter' - but him as your boyfriend. first things first- if you havent married someone, you cant expect them to act like you have.
2006-11-28 17:07:43 · answer #10 · answered by sugar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋