should I buy bridal shower present AND wedding present?

Question

My best friend is getting married in about a month and my friends and I are throwing her a shower this weekend. What is the socially acceptable thing to do? Since I'm co-hosting her shower, should I buy her a shower gift and a wedding gift or can I get away with just buying one or the other? If I do skip out on one, which should I buy? Normally I'd just go buy two gifts, but I just had a baby and finances are a bit tight right now. I can really only afford one good gift, so if I bought two, they'd be smaller and probably kind of lame. Help!!

Answer 1

Etiquette dictates that you must get her a gift for both occassions. However, if money is tight, try giving her something sentimental that may not cost as much but will likely be much more appreciated than a toaster or some plates.

Frame a picture of her and her future husband or bake her cookies with wedding-oriented cookie cutters (bells, gown, wedding cake, etc.).
You could also put something together from all of her friends- have each person coming to the bridal shower decorate a patch of quilt and then sew them together and frame it if it's small or just gift wrap it if it's larger. Put together a scrapbook of pictures of her with her friends and family and have them all write a favorite memory they cherish with her on their page.

There are plenty of ways to get a wonderful bridal shower and wedding gift without sacrificing your budget!

Answer 2

Hello, I just purchased Peggy Post's book on wedding etiquette. She is a great-grandaughter to Emily Post who is the be all and end all of good etiquette, especially weddings. This is the first time that I have used it, so here goes----wedding gifts--a gift is, by definition, voluntary. Although gifts are customarily expected for some occasions, including weddings, this is a matter of social convention, and no one should regard a gift as an entitlement. Is a wedding gift expected? Yes. following long-established tradition, everyone who receives a wedding invitation should send a gift--whether they attend the wedding or not. Married couples and nuclear families generally send one gift, as do couples who live together. A wedding gift is a social obligation, but the choice of the gift is based on the giver's affection for and relationship to the couple and their families, and on the gift giver's financial capabilities. There is no formula for how much should be spent on a wedding gift, this kind of tit-for-tat exchange is impractical and thoughtless. Unless culture and custom rule that shower gifts should be the equivalent of wedding presents, gifts given to the bride or engaged couple at a shower should not be elaborate.Sometimes, guests contribute to a joint gift for the bride or the couple, but no one should be told they must participate, and no other shower gift is expected from people who do contribute. I personally like to switch it around and put more on something useful for the shower gift, irons, blenders, go in with someone and get a vacuum cleaner, etc. as here wedding gifts are more formal and classy and therefore are not as practical as a shower gift. This is the way it is done here. So to sum this up, yes you do give a shower gift and a wedding gift, which was my original answer as that is what we do in Southern US. However, the gift is based on what you can afford, not by some required amount someone may think is appropriate. As for a bachelorette party, this has somewhat taken the place of the bridal luncheon though many have both, the bachelorette party is usually given by the brides attendants and a few personal friends. This is usually similar to a bachelor party as it is a "girl's night out". Guests are usually very close friends to the brides and sometimes these get, I can't think of the exact word, but when alcohol is served, a designated driver should be appointed or arrangements for a taxi or limo. Unless you receive an invitation to this, there is no need for a gift. And personally depending on your age or how close you are to the bride, this is something I leave to the younger set. If you receive an invite, gifts are often humorous or inexpensive and or funny, being in reasonably good taste. It is usually a very late night affair and should be held about a week before the wedding so that everyone can get rested up from a late night. Hoping you can read between the lines. If invited, would not go, but send a little something along. (Some undies, or a small gift certificate to a lingerie store or a chain store like Macys, Belks, Dillards that have nice lingerie sections) but personally I would just let this one pass me by.

Answer 3

It's not the size/price of the gifts that matter, it's the thoughfulness behind them. Since you're going to all the trouble and expense of co-hosting the shower, it's probably okay if you get her a really small "token" gift for the shower and a regular gift for the wedding. If she's your friend, presumably she's aware that money is a bit tight for you right now, and will not expect a large gift.
For example, if your wedding gift is a serving platter, your shower gift could be a serving spoon with a note that hints at "more to follow!"

Answer 4

I'm sure someone has already posted this, but here's the skinny if they haven't. You are obligated to bring a gift to each, even if you are hosting the shower.

The shower gift can just be a token of affection between you and the bride, a framed photo, etc. It can also be something cute. I got my friend some flip-flops that said "Bride" on them, and stuff for her to scrapbook her wedding with for the shower I threw her.

The wedding gift, and this is key, is for the COUPLE, not just the bride. Get them something to furnish/utilize in their home. They will usually have a registry.

Hope this helps distinguish the two.

Answer 5

Etiquette is that a shower should come with the expectation of a gift. If you recieve and invitation to a shower, a gift is expected, and it would be considered rude to accept the invitation if you don't intend to bring a gift.

The wedding is another story - a wedding invitation should never carry the expectation of a gift and it is completely acceptable to attend a wedding without bringing a gift.

Answer 6

Nornally I let the cost of the shower and the shower gift be all I get her. I've been in this position a couple of times...don't feel bad, odds are she won't even notice ( i don't mean that in a stingy mean way but she'll appreciate the shower and gift you give her and be really busy with the wedding anyway)

Answer 7

Good questions, you are giving the briday shower, and the prizes goes to the bride, and that should be enough don't you think?
If she does not, what true friend is she to you.
She should see what is in your plate with a baby and all, even without the baby, why both?
Don't sweat it, just make sure she has a wonderful bridal shower, and you can help her with who gave what, and for the thankyou cards and etc.

Answer 8

I think you could just buy one gift, but by one for the wedding. Just explain to the bride that you are puting a lot of effort to the bridal shower and that is your gift to her. She shouldn't be bothered by it because of all the help you are doing and your financial situation! Good luck

Answer 9

maybe give her a nice card for her bridal shower telling her how glad you were to host her shower. i would see this as her gift for the shower.

get her a wedding gift for the wedding

Answer 10

I would say that the party counts as your shower gift, that's usually standard for the party thrower and you should get her a wedding gift. I am sure if she is your friend she would understand about your financial situation.