Wedding and Family Drama?

Question

My mother and father are divorced over 10 years. They hate eachother and my father cannot stand the idea of being in the same room as my Mother's husband. They have never been in the same room and he (my father) is making me crazy about and has been since I got engaged.

Other then that, there seems to be issues all over the place with both of our families. For example, her cousin wants to brin her kids (3 of them) and we are only having newphews/nieces and 1 first cousin. The Cousin cannot afford to give us a gift as it is and she cannot get it through her head that her family will cost us nearly $500!!

Anybody dealing /dealt with family drama and how did they deal with it?

Answer 1

Well both my and my husbands families are less then perfect and to save confusion we told everyone for months before the day that it would be a very small wedding and no one would be invited and we had a small ceremony with our closest family and friends it was only twelve people and had a buffet dinner at a local family restaurant were we invited about thirty people including the wedding guest and everyone paid for their self and everything went well most of the troublemakers throw a fit about not being invited to the ceremony and didn't come to the dinner the thing is it you guys day and y'all have the right to do it how y'all want regardless of how anyone else feels
Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 2

What you do is invite them both and seat them as you feel best...and if ANYONE asks if either have been invited, tell them point blank it "It should make no difference if they are or are not, either you want to come to MY wedding or you don't...my wedding is all about me and my guy getting married and I refuse to let it be used as a vehicle for punishing relatives for a feud that has absolutely NOTHING to do with me. That is beyond immature and selfish." ...and understand that you can not control what others do however...if you find that some relatives decide to boycott your wedding because this one or that one is coming, if I were you, after your honeymoon I would fire off a polite letter to all of them stating that you are extremely hurt and disappointed in them for using your wedding as a vehicle to make a statement and the end result is that THEY have damaged their relationship with you....and it will be a long time before you can forgive them for being so cruel to you. Anyone who pulls this MUST be called on it by the person they have offended...and that would be the bride and groom. It makes no difference to the people who others don't want invited...they get to enjoy the day....it is a kick in the gut to the innocent couple and shame on anyone who does this. In fact if I had a relative who did this I would return their gift and card...or I might get so steamed over the threats that I would inform all the ones making the threat that they don't have to concern themselves...they will NOT be invited...period. "If it is more important for you to make those kind of threats against my wedding list, then my wedding is not all that important to you, getting even is-so don't bother to come...your dislike of So and So is more important that your love for me so I don't want you anywhere near my wedding." They won't like it but they have to answer for their bad behavior...maybe it will give them pause the next time they consider such a course of action At least the people who truly care for you WILL be there and that is what matters, Hon.....good luck. Edit: lol I suppose if I was your age I would be reluctant to confront the bad behaved ones but in my old age I've gotten cranky and I am greatly irritated by such bullsh!t...let any one pull this crap when my kids marry, they will get a good dose of wrath from me....Honey sometimes you have to take a stand no matter how unpopular it makes you-at least you WILL have their respect if you put your foot down..hopefully not on anyone's neck....

Answer 3

My parent's are divorced and my husband has a HUGE family. My father paid for the wedding but funds were definately limited. My parent's got their act together enough to be decent and pretend to get along somewhat throughout the wedding. I had my father, his wife and their friends and family on one side and my mother and in-laws, friends, and other family on the other side of the reception room. It worked out well so noone was near each other. They may have bumped into one another in the bathroom and such but everyone behaved because they knew it was our day. We had to invite certain people in my husband's family or else they'd be offended. How we kept from offending others: sent them announcements but not invites claiming the wedding is to be a small affair and wish we could invited everyone but look forward to getting together afterwards and sharing pictures of the joyous occassion. It's hard dealing with crap like this but eventually it all works out and if someone is really giving you guys such a hard time about it, you can always threaten to dis-invite them or for the parents no grand-children if they can't grow up...lol. Sorry you guys have to deal with it but hopefully all will work out in the end. Congrats and best wishes!

Answer 4

Well, as for dealing with family drama, I HEAR YA!!! I ended up making a seating chart a la Monica from friends... pins with flags to know where there were "hotspots" and were to move people. I also had two uncles behave as "bouncers" and were ready to eject anyone who was acting in a manner that was not acceptable (yep, sorry to say, my fam is totally hick!). While they didn't end up ejecting anyone, I did have an uninvited guest arrive with a cousin that I'd never met.

I would suggest allowing the cousin ONLY and NOT the three kids; any reasonable person would accept this compromise.

Answer 5

You can have a "no children under 12 policy. That would make it all better. You can also offer to make babysitting arrangements, that would be cheaper than to pay 500 for a bunch of little children, Also, it's unappropiate and tacky to request to bring the whole brood without offering a gift. If the person in question cannot afford to attend, then don;t invite them or make sure that the invitation CLEARLY states Mr. John Doe and one guest. Also, reassure this via phone, and tell him that you are unable to accomodate more then 2 people per RSVP and that you kindly offer a babysitter or they may leave the children home iwth their own babysitter.

About mother and father, talk to them separetly and tell then that you don;t want any confromtation on your wedding day. reassure them that they will be seated separetly and that no pictures would be taken of the two of them together, Tell then to act apopropiatly and put their diffeerences aside for ONE day.

Good luck

Answer 6

Tell mom and dad that they had to get together at least once to make you, so they can spend one day together to "give you away" Or just tell them to get their act together or they can't come, just send a check!

For the cousin, a friend of mine was having trouble with not getting RSVP's back from people and others sending it back with extra people listed. She called the extras and explained that due to the budget put on the wedding, they would not be allowed to bring the kids. Some understood others decided they wouldn;t come without the kids. Their choice. She also had a groomsman stand at the reception door with a list of guests. Anyone who showed up who was not on the list was told that due to not receiving their rsvp, there was no room for them at the dinner. Some mad others understanding. It's your party!

Answer 7

Family gatherings always seem to bring out the worst in people. I just have to say that this is your wedding, not your father's or your cousin's. I had a pretty dramatic wedding as well. Pretty much you just have to tell people in the most kind way possible what it is that you want. Explain to your cousin that the wedding is expensive and you have chosen to invite only your dearest loved ones, which includes her, but not her children. Tell your dad that as much as he hates your step-dad that they are both your relatives and you love them both so you have decided to invite both of them. If he chooses not to attend your wedding because of one of the guests, that's his problem. You make the rules and let others decide how to act. Good luck!!

Answer 8

You have to put your foot down. It's your wedding and your day to celebrate. Explain to your cousin about the size of the reception that you are having and that you cannot accomodate her three kids. Be understanding to their situation (tough getting a babysitter), but be firm that there is nothing you can do about having them also attend. If the ceremony is in the morning and the reception is at night, have them bring the kids to the ceremony only.

With your parents, again, explain to them that this is your day and that you expect them to be on their best behaviour. You're not asking them to be best friends, nor even to talk to each other, all they need to do is be civil towards each other. Out of respect for you and your husband, they should do at least that.

My parents were also divorced and during the reception, someone made them sit NEXT to each other. Lucky for me, they agreed to be civil and they were. They sat next to each other for over three hours without a single nasty remark. Good luck and congrats.

Answer 9

Your mom and dad have to suck it up for the day or do not come - The cousin can either come with out the kids... or stay home - Use this method.. If you give in to a request is it going to hurt you financially or make you unhappy - if the answer is yes -tell then No - its your day - they can have whomever they with at their wedding

Answer 10

Dealt with family drama, and even though it is hard sometimes, don't give in to peoples demands. What everyone will say is ture - It's YOUR day, your wedding, your money. You make the decisions.