My daughter (white) cannot understand why our family nor her black boyfriends family not allow either to spend Christmas together in our homes. They do not like the relationship. Our families have discussed spending Christmas -without our white daughter and their black son coming.
We are both just as repulsed as the other.
2006-11-28 07:08:23 · 35 answers · asked by hillarydemplanforwar 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Explain its their homes their rules.
2006-11-28 07:10:05 · answer #1 · answered by carebear3158 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
WOW! "Yall" are stuck in the past! What state do you live in? See I'm 24 and I wasn't raised a racist my parents are what you call "liberal" and race is never an issue just as longs as I'm being treated like a princess. So let me put myself in your shoes. Now this guy must be a loser...if he had a good head on his shoulders would it be OK? Sounds like your were raised like that and you don't want your family to think you messed up on raising your daughter and the decisions she makes. Your daughter is obviously upset because she's happy with someone and the people that matter (family) don't approve. You would be the bigger person if you let the black boyfriend over. But like I said if he's a loser then your entitled to feel that way after all it is your home.
2006-11-28 07:24:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand that many people (your family, and the boyfriend's family, clearly) have been raised in a different culture, and find the idea of a white and a black person loving each other repulsive. Being raised that way does NOT make it "ok". And just because the other family feels the same way does not make it ok. If you love your daughter, try to put yourself in her position. She has found someone she loves, someone who fulfills her. She didn't purposely look for someone you didn't approve of (I assume), so try to look for the qualities in him that she sees and loves. Because despite your instincts, he is just as much of a person as you. There's no difference on the inside. If he treats her well, and their relationship is in all other ways positive, you are behaving in an understandable, yet IGNORANT way. Educate yourselves about her boyfriend, and you may find a way to understand him and care about him just like you would a white boyfriend. Open minds are key! If you don't want to lose your daughter... bend yourselves, so you don't break the ties with your daughter.
2006-11-28 07:14:37 · answer #3 · answered by stillstanding 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No matter how you feel or another family feels, it won't change anything. It will not stop your daughter from making her decision to be with a man who makes her happy. Your daughter is upset because it is very obvious that you don't accept the way it is today. She's also upset that you wouldn't support or stand behind her decision like a parent of adult child should. My mother used to hold the similar view until I met my boyfriend, and she said, "I want you guys to be happy. That's how it is." She accepted him as the part of family regardless of skin color. I am sure you are capable of understanding others' opinions without turning against them...right? Please do realize that the racist feelings will not be passed down your daughter's generation. You can do better than this, and I know you will.
2006-11-28 15:13:38 · answer #4 · answered by azngurl 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are entitled to the way you feel it is YOUR HOME and you can allow who comes to it or not. To all the people that are calling you a racist you may be a racist but the fact is if you don't approve of something and don't want it to come into your home then you have every right. Does that make it right well thats not for me to say. I'm not for interaccial relationships either and I'm glad I haven't had to face what you are dealing with. I just hope this doesn't drive your daughter away. That would be awful. But your daughter is going to love who she wants and you can't do anything about it. So your going to have to meet somewhere in the middle if not then your family will never be the same. I wish you luck to you and your family.
To all the people are yelling racist. I don't agree if being racist is not believing in interacial relationships then I guess I'm a racist then. But there are alot of us out there. Not just white but black and so on. To me a racist is someone who hates another race. I don't hate other races but yet I'm called one cause I won't sleep or marry another race. There are going to be conflict but people have their rights to believe and to live how they choose. Others may not agree but that's there opinion and this is mine.
2006-11-28 08:15:13 · answer #5 · answered by Obsidian © 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
When are people going to quit looking at the outside of a person and begin looking at what the heart holds. Because my father was a bigot, my daughter married the first black man she could find as a rebellous act and unfortunatley he was a stereotypical black man. You are going to force your daughter into his arms even stronger if you don't relax. Let her make her own decisions. You will lose her completely. I have known people of all races and I found that ALL have good and bad. I have probably known more white people and I am white, that are arogant, bigoted, idiots that think they are better than anyone else than I have ever known of any other race. Most all serial killers have been white men. Most of all serious crimes are committed by whites. Blacks commit most of the less serious crimes. Why are people always trying to run someone elses life--aren't you busy enough worrying about your own life? If your daughter marries this man--are you going to take it out on your grandchildren? Are you going to be repulsed by the sight of them? You don't know what you will be missing!!! If your daughter reads this--Live your own life girl--someday your parents will be gone and you'll only have the man you love and your children!! Don't lose yourself!!!
2006-11-28 07:21:24 · answer #6 · answered by triplete1958 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I really think that you need to watch Romeo and Juliet. Young love is difficult enough as it is and as parents you should really know better than to try and keep them from each other. Does he treat her poorly? Or do you just not want him around because of his skin color? That is a really poor way of showing your daughter how to have an open mind and believe it or not, society is going to start looking at people like you (white) as a minority and the bi-racial people are going to start becoming a majority- so the more you tell them not to see each other, the more they are going to want to (don't you remember being a kid once too??)- just try and give the boyfriend a chance and accept him if he is a good kid, outside of his skin color. You need to trust your daughter and her judgement. If she likes him, there is a reason for it (and it's not because he's got big hands and feet, I'm sure!) LOL
-EA
2006-11-28 07:13:39 · answer #7 · answered by Earthy Angel 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
you have got to be kidding!!! i am white my kids half black...let me just explain something...my mom refused to have me around black folk too it got so bad she wouldnt let me out the house so guess what...i ran away all the time i ended up loosing my virginity while hiding at my black boyfriends house soon after when i ran away again i became pregnant by another black boy i was staying with...i wasnt a bad kid i didnt do drugs, i went to school, i followed rules but when it came to my mom holding me down all because my boyfriends were black it back fired and made things worse...i am now grown i still am with a black man and all my beautiful kids are half and although it has taken my mom damn near a lifetime she has come to accept it for the most part...dont make sh!t worse if you get my point some things just wont change....you must get over and look past things that really dont matter like skin color
2006-11-28 07:22:32 · answer #8 · answered by ELIZY 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You're both repulsive racists. Too bad your love for your daughter and their love for their son is so conditional that both familes agree they would rather spend Christmas without their daugther or son. Maybe there are other reasons, but I think it's just skin color. Um, this is not in the spirit of Christmas at all.
2006-11-28 07:14:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
I think its repulsed to not accept your daughter and their family not to accept their son just because you don't like their relationships. How old are they? I think its horrible of you as a parent! Not like they are doing drugs or spaced out on alcohol. Would you like this boy if he were white? Are you not going to like it if she chose a red head or blonde? She might like dark eyes or blue eyes. People can't become someone their not just because you want them to be. Be glad she's not marrying a woman. I love my children and they have their own mind and I only pray they chose healthy, good people to be with. She has a good reason to be upset. She cares for this person and you need to try for her sake to understand. If you don't want her with him, you will be pushing her toward him doing this.
2006-11-28 07:20:37 · answer #10 · answered by Casper 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
All of you repulse me! I can't believe that! I would never turn my own daughter or son away because of the race of the person he or she chooses to love. As long as the other person is treating my child well and they are happy then they will all be welcome in my home.
Maybe they are both better off without any of you on Christmas and this is the perfect chance to start building their own traditions together.
And I bet one of them will be to welcome any of their loves one's or friends into their home.
Maybe all of you should take some lessons from your children!!
2006-11-28 07:14:59 · answer #11 · answered by ♥Stacy 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋