Husbands in denial?

Question

My husband and I have been married for about 3 years. He has a 20 year old daughter who has her daddy wrapped around her finger. Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that my husband is a good dad, but in my opinion she is an adult and works. The only bills she has is a $160 car payment and cell phone bill. My husband even balances her check book for her. She is very rude to me and waits until i go to work and sits and tells her dad lie after lie. No I'm not being jealous, she just happend to tell her mom one thing and me another and then her dad something else. i know she is a big girl, but she live in our house that I work my butt off for and get no kind of respect. she does not even help with cleaning duties or anyhting. i am always being lectured by my husband about her and he just does not understand that I do the best i can to do what's best for her and she just manupulates him. He thinks i should give her some slack. I dont think so. it seems as if my husband wants her, not me.

Answer 1

In addition to what SHELL has said, I would ask you to pray her into marriage so that she leaves your house fast before her presence weakens your husband's love and ofcourse I guess you go moody anytime they sit together instead of you and your husband sitting together. Do not worry, just pray and watch....HE answers prayers and you will all end in love and no hatred at the end.

Answer 2

Your husband needs to understand that even although you are not his child's mother, that if she lives in YOUR house that you own and help pay for, that she needs to respect you. It doesn't matter whether or not she is your child. What matters is that ANYONE who lives in your house should contribute to the household by doing chores, paying some rent if they're old enough to have a fulltime job, and at the VERY LEAST, being civil and courteous to the owners. I would explain to your husband, if I were you, that she is rude to you, and that while you do not expect her to like you (or maybe even CARE if she likes you) that as long as she is living in YOUR house, she needs to show respect to you. It is not just HIS house. Unfortunately, though, you need to be prepared that he is going to continue coddling her, which will mean nothing will change in her behavior, and so you need to think about what final steps you will take. Are you prepared to ask for him to put her out? (which it sounds like he will not do) Are you prepared to leave him (if it comes to that?) While it is tough being a stepparent, no person should have to endure disrespect in their own house. Instead of lecturing you, your husband needs to lecture her. And if he thinks she is so fabulous then perhaps you should leave and let him see how much you've been doing around the house. I'm sure he will recognize it when he realizes nothing is getting done.

Answer 3

Husbands in denial?

Answer 4

Maybe have a conversation with husband. Your his wife, and the house is yours (as in you a married couple) and since you are now part of the household, you would like to set a few ground rules. You think it's great that he takes care of his daughter. But if she doesn't start taking care of herself as an adult, she won't know how to do it once she leaves the house. Maybe suggest paying 50% of her bills as long as she helps around the house. And TEACH her how to balance her checkbook.
"Catch a man a fish, feed him for the day....Teach him how to fish, feed him for a lifetime!!"
Let your husband know how important a strong bond of trust is between you two. So, if you tell him something, he should assume it's the truth no matter what his "little" girl says.

Good luck. But don't let that girl walk all over you and don't let her daddy let her do it to you either.

Answer 5

I am 26, I have moved out and now I am back living with my parents so that I can go to college full time. I have my car insurance, cell phone, credit card and I also do many chores. There are seven of us living in our house. I do all of the laundry. I do a lot of putting away the dishes of the counter and the dishwasher and I also do a lot of the cooking. We take turns whoever is at home. It is only healthy that she have chores. Her mom might have wanted to do everything and not helped her to learn. Explain to your husband that you want to help his daughter to know how to do these things when she gets a house of her own. Let him understand that he isn't doing her any favors. When she gets a house of her own she isn't going to know how to do any of the neccessary things. If she isn't going to go to college she needs to get on with her life. Please keep in mind that it isn't cheap to live on your own and make the bills. Does she have a friend she could move out with. Just recently my mom asked me to start paying $25.00 a month toward food. Which I am going to start doing next month. Maybe this could be something she could do. I have known of parents that took a certain amount and didn't tell their kids but started a savings account for their kids and gave it to them whenever they got a house of their own so that they had a down payment. This would be nice for her. You could help her save and she could just think that it was rent. Otherwise she would want to borrow it or just not pay it eventually. Hope this helps. Good luck.

Answer 6

Marrying a man who carries baggage brings that baggage into your marriage. Being a step-mother is hard enough, but not having the support of your husband makes it twenty times harder. I would sit down and have a heart to heart with your husband about this and see what stems from there. If he is not willing to listen to what you have to say, perhaps counseling is in order. If your husband truly loves you, he should be willing to work this out with you. Good Luck.

Answer 7

Soldier Boy's Crank Dat?

Answer 8

Hell, don't tell us. Tell him. This is not your problem and it is his. It is his child but I be damned if I would take that kind of crap from my own children. Mine have and had this choice at 18; go to college and live there get scholarships, grants, loans whatever, join the military, and final get a job and move out within 2 years. I am their parent not their care taker. Time to kick the hatchlings out of the nest. Before you think I am cold, just remember at some point they are going to have to learn to take care of themselves, the sooner the better.

How did our country become so cold hearted and callous that they don't prepare their own children for the real world. I am not be faceious.

To answer your question.... Tell her to take care of her own problems, tell him the same and if he don't want more from you that he'll get a clue and do the right thing.

Answer 9

Pray! Honestly, you can not tell a parent anything about there children and expect them to side with you. I would say pray on it and watch what happens. The situation will work itself out, however, the only other option you would have is too leave your marriage and it is not worth it. She is 20, she will move on soon enough. Just have faith and look at the situation as being a test of strength and patience in your marriage.

Answer 10

Sounds to me like she has had plenty of "slack" given to her. I would tell her that she is an adult and that she needs to grow up and get on with her own life. She is too dependant and it sounds like she had it a little too easy growing up. You need to sit and have a chat with her father and get a few things streight with him because she will not be going anywhere unless he makes her. Im sure that you dont want to be one of those people with a 35 year old living in there house still getting their laundry washed for them! Her father may not want to let her go either so it may be a little harder but you need to talk some sense in him if you ever want to have a life without her dependance. Good luck