is it bad that i think i don't want kids?

Question

i go up and down with the question of children and so does my fiance. so we are undecided but i dont want to be older than 30 when i do have kids!!!

Answer 1

Well, you still want to live life, don't have a baby until you feel you are ready, if you have a baby now, you will feel resentment.

Answer 2

It's not bad! Why would you think that? There's enough people on this earth. There's also plenty of kids nobody wanted. I would wait until you feel that feeling about wanting a child. It's a life long job and if you don't want to do it why do it then? I don't think your less of a person, I think you're stronger because you know yourself well enough to know that children aren't for you. It's just that way for some people.

Just to add not that it makes a difference but I had my last child at 32. I feel [and my older kids will tell you too] that I was a much better parent by then. I was too selfish and immature. I am NOT saying this is true of you. But sometimes waiting is best.

I don't think your a bad person, I commend you for your decision. You are intelligent and mature enough to stand up for what you want or in this case don't want. Why do you think your a bad person just because you don't want kids? You are not.

Answer 3

I was convinced that I didn't want kids. I had been telling people since I was 5 years old that I was never going to be a Mommy. I look back now and realize that I wasn't happy in my life...I didn't even really know it which is really eyeopening now.
When my husband & I got together when I was 31 everything within my life seemed to click and for the first time I actually thought I could be someones mom.
Now my son is 3 and I can tell you he is my life. Nothing can replace him in my life. All I can tell you is that when your time comes and you become a mom you will be hard pressed to remember a time before they entered your life. And if you so choose not to be a parent that is fine too...do what you think is best, there is nothing more upsetting than a child who is unwanted.

Answer 4

My hubby and I have been married 37 years, and are childless ... by choice. We've been very happy, and, so far, have no regrets! Of course, we have 13 nieces and nephews (now ages 18-28), and are close to several of them, so get our "kid fix" that way.

We always figured that if we changed our minds when we were older, we could adopt an older child! We never did bring a child into our home, but we do support children through several charitable agencies/organizations, and we have served as 4-H community leaders, Sunday School teachers, and as mentors to several young people, so feel we have contributed to the good of the community/world in that way.

Don't let anyone else make you feel like you HAVE to have kids! You don't!!

Answer 5

It's not bad, children aren't for everyone.

To me, I can't wait to have children. I have been a nanny for six years, so I have had a lot of experience with children. I think when a woman becomes pregnant, it's a beautiful thing. Your body is connected to your baby. And you can never take away that moment of birth, when you see your child for the first time. The baby is made by you and your husband/boyfriend. And it is the most precious thing you will have ever seen :) Thats how I imagine it!

But I would definitely give it more thought and think of the reasons of why you would/wouldn't want children and if its right for you.

GOOD LUCK TO THE BOTH OF YOU!!!

Answer 6

Whether or not you want children is a decision that only you can make and is neither right nor wrong either way. I do want to warn you about one thing though, considering you have a fiance....my friend thought she didn't want to have children and married a man who already had 4 and didn't want any more children. He was very clear on that fact. She later decided that she did want a child and when he wouldn't change his mind they split. He is heartbroken and it wasn't his fault....she changed her mind. So, just make sure that you and your fiance agree and make the decision together.

Answer 7

If you aren't sure you want children then don't have any. Children are wonderful, but they aren't for everyone. There is nothing wrong with you if you don't want to have children. And there is nothing wrong with having kids in your 30's, so you have some time to make your final decision. Don't just have a child because you think you should, have one because you really want one. Good luck.

Answer 8

Don't have them if you don't want them-- it's not bad to not want kids! I have two (five and almost three) and we love them but there are times when they are so incredibly frustrating! (Not to mention embarrassing in public!) People who don't want children should not have them. --We do not abuse our children and are very disheartened to hear of abuse but I wonder if a lot of people don't realize what they are getting into and don't know what else to do when they can not make their child behave. There is so much pressure to have good, quiet, respectful children and when they are not you feel like dirt--but you can't go off and beat them into submission. I've read so many books about parenting and a lot of it is contradictory so I get confused when I am in the middle of a situation about what to do. You get heaps of advice from well-meaning people that swings from one extreme to the other. Parenting can be wonderful but it is overwhelming and stressful as well. I guess to parents that don't give a hoot how their kid turns out perhaps it's not that bad. Sorry I'm rambling.....hope you come to peace with your decision soon.

Answer 9

There's nothing wrong with not wanting kids. It is a huge decision and you should only have them when you are completely sure you want them. But if you know you want to have children some day and not after you are 30, maybe you should just take the plunge and do it.

Answer 10

Having children with your spouse and significant other is a choice for both of you to decide and should not be hurried into. Choosing not to have kids is perfectly acceptable and is not bad. Even if you have children after your 30 is fine too.

Answer 11

No, my wife and I decided 26 years ago we did not want children. We a perfectly happy with this decision. If we had decided to have kids there are millions needing homes so our fall back position was adoption. You're not being selfish, but responsible. There are far too many children who need parents, so if you change your mind, adopt a child.