Boundaries with ex-girlfriend still living with you?

Question

I broke up with my ex-gf about 7 mos ago, after being together about 1.5 yrs. She has some personal issues she's working out, incl not being able to work, and is still living in my house. She has her own room & bathroom, but I pay all the bills. She has strained relationships with her family and has next to no friends. So a lot of the time she feels lonely and gets depressed and says she needs comforting. She thinks it's "perfectly reasonable" to ask me to sleep in her bed every now & then, since it's just sleeping, clothes on. I feel like it's extortion because her argument is, "well, I do all these things for you, so you should do this for me". And I'm like, wait, I don't ASK you to do anything around here, other than clean up after yourself and get your life together so you can get out on your own two feet. I think the request is crazy, and think it crosses all sorts of boundaries. What do y'all think of her request? And what kind of boundaries are appropriate here?

Answer 1

First of all, you are a REALLY great guy for supporting her in her time of need. She really is very lucky to be your friend.

I commend your compassion. God bless you!

But there is nothing remotely "friendly" about a man and a woman sleeping in the same bed. I'm sorry. Appreciate the fact that she cleans around the house, etc, but don't fall for the guilt trip. YOU ARE NOT HER BOYFRIEND ANYMORE. remind her of that. If YOU are not comfortable w/ this, she has no right to impose that or guilt it onto you. set the limits to your patience and boundaries to your personal space. you deserve that kind of respect.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

I think it's VERY nice of you to be so kind to her and let her live with you for free - especially since you dated her for so long. You need to tell her that you want to help her, but that you aren't going to be her psuedo boyfriend anymore. Tell her no sleeping in beds together or no doing anything that normal regular friends wouldn't do. Urge her to go out and meet new people, maybe you'll get lucky and she'll find a new man.