Calling all parents....I need some advice?

Question

OK this is what is happening.....it seems like my 3 yr old just will not listen to me....and its driving me nuts......
he is a good kid....but when i tell him to do, or not to do something, he just does the opposite....to the point that sometimes i have to yell at him just to do it, and then again even when i yell he still doesnt do it.....i know there has to be another way....just has to be....i really hate having to yell at him because he is a really good kid....and i dont want him to end up scared of me or something....if someone could tell me what i am doing wrong please point me in the right direction


THANKS A BUNCH

he does talk very well and he understands me too...not sure if that is of any help for your answers

Answer 1

First of all..good luck! Parenting is the hardest job ever. I dont have any great ideas, but you are not alone. Keep in mind a few things. He is only 3 and that is still very very little. He is still developing his ability to listen.

Second, what seems like not listening to you..may very well be listening to him. For example, I tell my son to "please come here and get your pajamas on". Well, what I see is him dilly-dallying in the hall and stopping to play with his Thomas trains and finally jumping on the couch (meanwhile I've shouted at him 8 times to come here now). What is going through his mind is that he IS coming to get his pajamas on...but is making a few detours (but he is still in the process of coming here) KWIM?

I know this doesnt solve your problem. The best thing that worked for me was the counting to 3 thing. Also..consistency. Whatever the consequence..it must be done immediately and appropriate for the action.

Finally...it does get a lot easier. I think the 3s are the worst age. By the time my son was 4..it started to get a lot easier and he listens a lot better now. Not always on the first time..but yet I havent had to spank him (and dont usually have to yell) and he gets great behavior reports from school...so I must be doing something right. Just keep working on it and you will see improvements. Good luck.

Answer 2

I can understand you yelling as you seem like you are at the end of your tether.

What you need to do though is not yell as this will jusst show him you have lost control. However, discuss with him consequences of not doing as he should. This should be done BEFORE and not during misbehaviour. The consequences should be fair but enough to bother him. Think about his favourite treats that he gets or programmes that he watches and tell him that if he misbehaves xyz WILL happen.

Now the ONLY way this is going to work is if you follow through with what you have said you'll do. And you must be very consistent. If on one occasion you let it go, he will know that there is not ALWAYS a consequence. Everyone who has 'charge' over him should also know consequences and apply them meticulously.

In the beginning he probably won't believe you, then he'll get angry and fight with you, then he'll KNOW you mean it, 'cos he's tested it out and can't get away with it!

At times when he is being good give him lots of praise on his behaviour.

Hope this helps.

Answer 3

He's three he is testing his boundaries. If not listening is the only thing he's doing wrong, then you're on the track. But you can NOT be scared to yell at him! He must know when you raise your voice or get stern with him you mean business.Repetition is the best at this age. if you tell him to do something and he doesn't tell him again and if he still don't take him to what ever it is you want him to do and tell him again. and if he still will not do it make him! And he will yell and kick because he wants to win the battle but, you have to be tough or it will only get worse. As long as you feed them and love them at this age they will not hate you :) Good Luck

Answer 4

Have you tried whipping his rear end? Whipping the correct way is okay. That is usually a good attention grabber and letting them know you mean business.
Do you give into him a lot? If so, he knows eventually he will get what he wants. Or if all you do is yell at him then he knows that you will not do anything else. Yelling doesn't really hurt, it doesn't seam to be phasing him at all. Have you tried time outs with him?
I would try a whippin and time outs. And even if you feel guilty don't give in to him. If you really haven't whipped him he probably will cry more than it hurt because he has never experienced this before and it will crush him.
I don't mean to sound heartless because I'm not, it's just that you sound like you need to get more control.
Once you get through to him you shouldn't have to do it anymore unless he really really needs it.

Good Luck!!

Answer 5

If yelling doesn't make it do it, don't yell. (It truly is insanity to keep doing the same thing and expect different results. ha! ha! But parents have the worst form of this.)
You may want to try telling him to do things in a way that is directly tied to a consequence he cares about, and try joining him in whatever you have directed, since he is pretty young .
i.e.
"You will not get out another toy or turn on the TV until you have put away all these toys here on the floor. Let's start right now."
or
"As soon as you apologize to your sister, you may get down from your chair at the table, but not before."

Answer 6

Salutations You!
I am a mother of three children ages 16, 13 and 8 and I can assure you they have all had their moments. The best I can tell you from my experiences is to just be honest with your child, yourself and let others know that they also must allow you to raise your child to the best of your abilility and not interfere when you are letting him know in different stages what you expect from him. Sometimes others want to step in and tell you that, "Oh, he is just a kid, they all do it!". In most aspects that is true but the bottom line is you want for your child to listen and respect you as well as love you.
He is three and at the age of three we often underestimate what they are capable of learning and doing. Good discipline is done patiently and lovingly, even if it results in a spanking if needed. Always try to put yourself in that childs shoes and ask yourself, "why is he acting out in the first place". Sometimes the child just wants some attention, sometimes all the attention which will lead you to explain that if you can't give them all of your attention at that time that mommy sees you and I love you but you really need to behave. After that warning then comes maybe yet another in the same fashion. If that does not work then I suggest a time out or a stern pinch between the buttocks and the back of the top of the leg. Always explaining why every action is taking place and what he can do to avoid getting another one. It works for me and I hope that it can help you out as well.
Thank you for allowing me to share a little of what I have learned in my life-time with you.

Luv2luvu XOXO!

Answer 7

In my experiance, the worst thing you can do is yell at a kid, it sends them the wrong message. The best thing to do is ask them nicely to do something, give them 3 chances, without yelling, and warn them of time out, if they still don't listen, make them sit in timeout until they apoligize for what they did, and are willing to do what you asked. Kids hate time out, they can get over a spanking in a few seconds, and plus it teaches them bad things, you don't want them to hit, but you hit them, not that I think its abuse, i just don't think anything works as good as time out.

Answer 8

What has happened here is you have taught him that you do not mean business until you have begun to yell. 3 year olds are very busy little people, learning lots about the world around them and are easily distracted. A lot will depend on what you are telling him to do or not to do. Make sure that your requests are simple, specific and age appropriate. Here are some examples of things you can try. You want him to pick up his cars before dinner. He is watching TV. You go to him and stand between him and the television. You say, "Timmy, it is time to pick up your cars before dinner." then you turn the television off. If he does not go to the cars, you take him by the hand and lead him to the cars. Make a game out of the pick up time. Who can pick up more cars, mom or Timmy? He is running around in the grocery store. You grab him by the arm next time he runs by. You say, "Timmy, we do not run inside the store. Please stay beside the cart." Have him always have a hand on the cart when he is shopping with you. If he lets go, take him by the arm and make him hang on while saying, "Please remember to hang on to the cart." Put him inside the basket if you need to. Do not threaten, just say, "Timmy, you may choose to hang on to the cart or get inside." You want him to get his coat on, but you find him in his room playing with his blocks. Say, "Timmy, you need to put your coat on now. You can play with the blocks later." Take him by the hand and give him his coat. Stay with him until the task is completed. Let him know he did a good job when he does what you ask. Young children must be reminded about some things over and over not because they are disobedient, but because they have not yet developed reasoning skills. Getting the desired behavior from a 3 year old requires consistency, hands-on guidance, a lot of repetiveness, tons of patience, and encouragment. Whatever you tell him to do or not do, say it when you are physically near him and insist it is done the first time you ask. He will need instruction and guidance to learn exactly what it is that you want from him. All children want and need boundaries that are set up by the people who love them. They will test those boundaries continuously (to make sure you mean what you say) and as parents we are always second guessing ourselves. But we want what is best for our kids and need to learn how to always say what we mean and mean what we say.
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Answer 9

He's being three and yes it is crazy-making.

Try not to yell. Try to whisper and see if that gets his attention.

Don't ask him to do things from a distance. Stand close and help him wash his hands, etc. If he has been doing things pretty independently, make him lose some independence. Get right there as he is doing everything and oversee it. Most independent threes want to do thing by themselves and having you lean over them is a good incentive to do what they should.

("I asked you to put your coat on, if you can't do it by yourself, I will help you" Three year old screams "I can do it by myself" "Fine, then put it on and let's go.")

Have logical consequences. "if you can't put your race car away when you're told to, then you don't get to use it for a while."

Actually the whole "if you can't use it/take care of it properly, you lose it" approach works well with a lot of things. Kid throwing play doh on the floor? he's got to clean it up and it goes away until he shows he's old enough to use it properly.

Take a few deep breaths when he's making you nuts and think of one thing you love about him. Also give him lots of chances to do things right and praise him.

Good luck

Answer 10

I would say that he need a spanking, timeout or take away his favorite toy, bike, movie or what ever thing he likes.
When you talk to him you need to neel down to his level.
Do this before punishment. I know how you feel because I have 4 kids & 1 of them is a boy. They are tremendous little trouble makers. But we love them!
Good Luck!