i have met a nice guy but something about his house worries me...what do you think?

Question

i have met a guy but his house unkempt, with old broken furniture in the kitchen, and his bed has no proper bedlinen on it, just a dirty blanket. the carpet is black with dirt, there is no colour anywhere + the place has not been decorated for years. he seems nice but the state of the house suggests he has no pride in himself or he is depressed or something
is this how men live when they don't have a woman around?
or is it a cause for concern?

Answer 1

definately a cause for concern. whats his personal hygene like? is he broke or just lazy?

Answer 2

I'd say its cause for concern but you need more data.

Did he inherit the place like that? Maybe he doesn't have money to fix it up, or maybe he doesn't want to invest time and energy in a place he is going to move out of in what he considers a short time.

Maybe he is NEVER there.

Or maybe you are right. I'm just saying there could be a lot of explanations. Try to figure out if he even knows that the place is dirty. I used to live with a roomate, and while I was sloppy, that guy was DIRTY. Like, old food lying around dirty. He didn't really ever see the half empty soda can after he put it down and left the room.

Answer 3

Nope guys don't live that way. Usually if you are single you can get a bit messy but always keep an eye on being able to clean it up if someone comes over. If he is older it could be though that he is just used to being alone and thought he wouldnt ever meet someone. Could be that he is a diamond in the rough and with a woman about he will bump up. But odds are in reality is that sloppy house equates to sloppy mind and that he really has no pride in himself. The fact that he let you see this says a lot and that he just doesnt care.......... he won't be the guy who can apply mental organization to other areas of a relationship. Bottom line..... if he is smart he will clean things up and make an effort... no guy is stupid enough to not do so with a woman he really wants to be with. If he doesn't, well keep looking.

Answer 4

Definitely cause for concern - I'd run a mile, nice or not!! He could be depressed, so leave well alone, you don't know what you'll be taking on. On the other hand, it could just be that he doesn't mind living in squalor and if he was in a long-term live-in relationship with a partner, he would just be very difficult to live with,ie., who wants to live like a charlady, picking up and clearing-up everything after a man! We think we can change them, but a leopard never changes his spots! If you really like him, why not be forthright and ask him why he's let his home get into this state, at least then if you finish with him he'll know why! (Maybe it's not even his home; perhaps he still lives with his parents, but doesn't want you to know, so 'borrowed' a friend's home!).

Answer 5

The poor guy may be totally skint and embarassed about his house. It may have taken a lot of courage to invite you round and he's hoping you dont judge him on the state of his house. Give him a fair chance, play it by ear and take it from there. I've been where he is, it was simply poverty that made my house that way, but get to know him better and see what comments he makes regarding work, bettering himself by going to college, etc..... he may have split with a partner and has no cash at all to do the place up. Is it a private let and the only place he could afford? See how it goes and take it from there. But, if there is more to it than just his house and he gives you the creeps, then leave.

Answer 6

This is a major cause for concern!!! Guys may have things laying around the house when girls are not in there life. For example clothes lying around the room or unmade made. Nothing like that. My friend is like that and I tell her I cannot go to her house I feel bad but you cant go there if you feel uncomfortable and think into the future if you got married is that what you would be cleaning up after?

Answer 7

What is most important is HIS hygiene and appearance. Does he take care of himself? Is he clean and well groomed? I understand your concerns, but lets face it - he is a man! Not all guys have been blessed with the fashion and decorating sense that some of us take for granted. Maybe his mom never had it and didn't teach him anything...not his fault. At least he has his own place.

Give him a chance. Keep a close eye on him. You don't want to get stuck as someone's maid, that's for sure, but if he is really a nice guy and that is all that is wrong with him - you better snatch him up!!!

Answer 8

I would be very worried if I met a person like this. I would not expect a perfect household, but at least clean sheets and a pleasant decor.
If this person has no pride at all in how he lives, or how you see him live.....he doesn't sound like a great bet. No, this is not how men live when they don't have a woman around. There is no excuse for being filthy. Just laziness and lack of self.-respect.

Answer 9

Some men do not have a sense of style, and it could be for all of the reasons you mention as well. You could ask him politely and depending on his response, offer to help clean up.
Or what about buying a colourfully vase for decoration or a picture frame with a picture of both of you in it as a way to offer some color. Maybe he will get the hint or take you off the hook and offer an explanation.

Answer 10

Be careful with him. If his house is realy in such a bad state as you say, then there is something not right with him. Have you thought about asking him about this? I know it might be quite difficult, because you don't want to offend him. Has he actually apologized for inviting you in a house that is in this state?
There is nothing wrong with being broke, but if he doesn't even manage to clean up for you to make you feel comfortable aaround his place, then he doesn't seem to have much respect, either for you and for himself.
It doesn't matter if there is a woman around or not, everyone should be able to look after themselves, being tidy is not gender specific, but if he thinks that, then better distance yourself from him.
Just be honest and frank with him.
Good luck!

Answer 11

No men don't live like that without a woman around - too easy - he has no respect for himself particularly feeling that it is okay for you to see this - he has to start with himself and needs help. You need to decide - are you taking on a project or were you looking for something else? Yes it is a cause for concern.