My mother and father do not speak, he left her before I was born. I have developed a very healthy relationship with him over the years as an adult. i plan on getting married this year and my stepfather (who raised me since age 5) called to say that "You know you can't put your mother and your father in the same room together, she couldn't handle it." My fiance and I have a much closer relationship with my birth father's family than my mother and stepfather's. I know my mom is totaly freaked out to even see him but it means alot to have both there. I just dont even know where to begin with wedding planning.
2006-11-28 04:32:44 · 11 answers · asked by ♥monamarie♥ 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
this is your day tell them both how you feel and if you want them to both be there ask them to hide their difference for just one day. dont sit them next to each other either at the ceremony or at the reception they dont have to talk to each other or dance together.but i would think they would want what makes you happy. good luck to you and congratulations
2006-11-28 04:49:14 · answer #1 · answered by shellie11985 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First congratulations for being a nice person. It isn't easy in this world. I will tell you I have an 18 year old and a 15 year old. So, I'm a mom. First, the only change that you can control is your feelings and attitude. Do you sass back at them. You lose credibility when you do that. Plus it is normal for girls your age to feel like your parents are driving you nuts. My girls feel the same way sometimes. Your anger might just be because you can't understand why they act the way they do, because you are a nice person, and don't cause them any grief. ( it seems that way from your post.) From 16 to 18 you will be transitioning from girl to young adult. This scares most parents. Your dad has probably been cranky and crabby all his adult life. Tell your parents you love them. Keep being the nice person you are, because somehow they have taught you things that you use in your life that help guide your actions. It is their job to teach you to be a decent and productive adult. Once you are 18 you legally can make your own decisions. Then, they must trust themselves that they have taught you how to think for yourself and make the right decisions. When they question your decisions you can tell them that last sentence. Hang in there and good luck. - A proud mom of two nice girls.
2016-05-22 22:29:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dtr is in the same situation, her wedding is 7-7-2007. I HATE her father for many reasons. I have dreamed of hitting him or chocking him for many years now. I do know this is my dtrs day, so I will not do a thing. I have also hired 2 off duty policemen to be at the wedding to be sure he behaves too. I will not say a word to him but if I must speak to him, I will be nice and to the point. My dtr had a stepfather raise her too, he and my ex will be walking her down the isle. Her father has expressed he does not approve, but he had to accept it because it is MY dtrs day to shine. We have been planning this wedding since 2-14-2006, and it will be perfect, I know yours will be too! Good luck and God bless.
2006-11-28 07:37:20 · answer #3 · answered by sweethometexas2000 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard one that many have to deal with. It's most important that you make your mother (who is the one that stuck by you and raised you) comfortable - first and foremost. As a Pastor recently said to my son (who's getting married soon - I am divorced from his father)...the wedding is yours but the reception is NOT yours - it's your parents party to celebrate their childrens marriage. lol..well in this case it's true as myself and the brides father are paying for everything. I've taken on a lot of the expence that normally a mama of the groom does not...and his father (who retired at 50 - on millions)...has not offered to pay for a thing. Not once. He did not raise him - I did. We can get along okay and be civil - but .....
At the wedding (and this follows etiquette...) because we are divorced he is to sit two pews behind me. I'll sit in the front pew with my father (my son's grandfather) who IS the man that was there for him when he was growing up an he (and only he) is the one that has the right to sit in that spot next to me. At the reception his father will be seated far FAR away from my table..lol The rehearsal dinner is normally paid for by the father of the groom - but in this case I paid for it all - so he's invited but he'll be there like any other guest. And I'll say the toast instead of him.
I think this. IF your father is paying for the entire wedding as a Father of the Bride should - then he has a right to be at the church and the reception and be aknowledged as your father. BUT if he is not - then he should still be at the wedding since you have a relationship with him - but out of respect for your mother and step-father - he should be sitting with the rest of the guests - as a guest...not as a noted 'father of the bride'. Your step-father should really walk you down the isle if he raised you from the age of 5. And some churches now have the dad AND the mom walk you down the isle. At the reception seat him far far away from your mother's table...he should be there - but only as a guest. Your mom will have to bite her lip - and it's a hard one to handle and rightfully so (us poor moms)...but that's the way it goes.
If he IS paying for the reception though...then mom is going to have to bite the bullet a little harder and let him host that reception as a more prominant presence there. Without knowing if he's paying for everything or not - it's hard to answer this question. Either way I hope that peace will reign for you at your wedding. I think it's a wonderful thing that you and your father have been able to develop a good relationship now...but you must also consider your mother's heart...consider it highly. Blessings allllllll over you!
2006-11-28 04:51:33 · answer #4 · answered by svmainus 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
We recently went through this. We were married on Oct 28th.
Even after 30 yrs she swore if she saw him she would run over him with her car. It was a little intense, but my partner was determined to walk down the isle with both her dad's her step dad as well as her father.
It did send her mom for a bit of a spin but as she explained it to her, this was her day, and what she wanted.
I think it helped that there was notice... We planned for a year so everyone knew it was coming.
The outcome? My mother, Her mother and Her step-mother walked down the isle together, signaling that we were ready. There was no outward anger or bitterness. Everyone go along and were not only in the church together but in our home together. They are the adults. Sometimes you have to give them no other choice but to deal with their past BS and get on with life.
Life is truly too short for that, umm stuff.
Best wishes with your planning!
2006-11-28 04:41:41 · answer #5 · answered by lesbianmommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same situation. My mom actually jumped off a balcony this summer to avoid my dad. We cut the family pictures and special dances and have made four family tables (my fiances family also are divorced. Your mom has the problem and she needs to deal with it .We have agreed that if any family member causes problems they will be escorted out. I would love to say they are adults and they will handle it but, I think we both know that probably isn't true. we also have our master of ceremonies who we are calling wedding hostess as she is a female friend not family (to avoid picking fa vs) My brother in law is suppose to give the welcome to the family speech as he is stuck in the middle too and my sister's family is sitting at a siblings table with my fiances brother's family. if you want to let some stress out feel free to email me at emberleebrown@yahoo.ca
2006-11-28 05:13:06 · answer #6 · answered by emmandal 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is wrong for parents or step parents to try and get the kids to choose between each other. Tell them all (both biological parents and step parents) that you love them all very much and you will not choose between any of them. They are all very special to you and you are inviting all of them to your wedding.
There is a possibility one might not attend your wedding and try to get others to pull away but take a stand for ALL family and don't be apart of others problems or agenda.
2006-11-28 06:43:39 · answer #7 · answered by Shawna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sister was in the same situation with our father when she got married. My father showed up even though my mother threw a fit. It is YOUR day, she will just have to get over it.
2006-11-28 04:41:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
They no longer live together. They need to quit acting like kids. The most important thing is to make you as happy as possible on this important day in your life. After that they can go back to whatever they had before.
2006-11-28 04:42:54 · answer #9 · answered by Thomas S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to speak to both of your parents, tell them how you feel, and if they truly love you they will work it out and try to not argue on your wedding day
2006-11-28 04:41:45 · answer #10 · answered by KerryAnn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋