My firstborn was in the hospital for a month, so I was not able to bond with him. Now that he's home, I have yet to really bond with him. I had to go back to work.Well my mother in law is visiting us for about a month, pretty much to see our baby. This is her 3rd grandson. We get along fine but the problem I'm having with her is she is invading my time with my baby. She does everything with my baby. She bathes him,she feeds him, she sleeps with him, she gets up in the middle of the night with him, changes his diapers, sings to him, puts him to sleep.she does everything that I should be doing. I'm his mother and I should be bonding with him. It seems like I turn around, she's there with my son. Everytime I try to hold my son, he starts to cry and she will take him from me. She also points out the things I'm doing wrong. I tell my husband and he says "she is only here for a month" I'm afraid in that month he will think she is his mother and not me. Am I overreacting or is this an issue?
2006-11-28 03:48:08 · 7 answers · asked by cvezsays 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
you are not overreacting at all. My twins were in the hospital for a month after they were born and I know how it feels not to be able to bond. Now is your time to spend with your son. If you have to move the crib in your room and have in sleep in there. You will be the first to get to him. When she tries to take him from you tell her that you can handle it. He may cry but he will stop.
2006-11-28 04:01:03 · answer #1 · answered by Donna 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her mother probably has her convinced that she cannot cope without her. Your wife will need to learn to cope without mom. This baby will be around for the next 20 or so years! You might talk to your mother-in-law. Be very nice, thank her for all she has done, but tell her you need to learn to do it on your own. Wean her from the control of the baby now while you still can! This is a dangerous situation for your marriage. Good Luck!
2016-05-22 22:23:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband needs to tell his mother to back off. Your child needs to be bonding with his mother. This is emotionally draining and although she's there to help out, she needs to know her boundaries and both you and your husband need to set them.
Let her know that it's your job when you get home to watch the baby. She's there to help out, not take over. Helping means knowing when to let you be the parent and she's not doing that. Let her know that you appreciate everything that she's doing for you, but that she's making you feel inadequate as a parent.
2006-11-28 03:56:08 · answer #3 · answered by tipper 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WAKE UP!!! If this was a stranger taking your child out of your arms, wouldn't you fight for him??? Well, this is no different. Tell her that you can take care of him when he is crying or hungry or needs a bath, etc..... Tell her how much you appreciate all she has done but you are feeling better now and are able to care for your child yourself. As far as your husband is concerned, tell him to get a BACKBONE and tell his mother its time to go home. That you guys need time to be a family of 3 before you have to go back to work.
I am sure she is just trying to be helpful and means no harm, but as long as you let her do it, she will continue. So stand up and fight for your child!!!
2006-11-28 03:57:11 · answer #4 · answered by Bren 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been there. She'll be home soon. Be patient. The baby will not think she's his mother, its too young. You are nervous and it cries because it feels you are nervous. Once she goes home you can relax and he can relax with you. This is completely normal. Your husband doesnt want a confrontation and thats normal (darn men!). You just relax and enjoy the "vacation", you'll have enough to do with the baby after she leaves for the next 18 years! :-)
2006-11-28 03:55:40 · answer #5 · answered by miladybc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think MIL is trying to hard to make it easier for you to restart going back to work and being a Mom. Sit down with a cup of tea and let her know that you appreciate the help when you are out of the house, and even at times when you are in it, but that you need to spend more time with your baby.
2006-11-28 03:56:55 · answer #6 · answered by kny390 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not overreacting. A meddling Mother-in-law can damage your relationship with your child PLENTY if you don't confront it. You must confront it, otherwise it'll get out of control.
If this brings on a fight, you may have to set some boundaries. This sort of thing can easily lead to a divorce.
2006-11-28 03:53:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋