Help please!7 yr daughter playing "wrongfully" with barbie dolls?

Question

Okay,first of all,she has never seen her father (my hubby) and I do this and we don't have cable or watch soap operas.Yesterday I walked in her room and my jaw dropped when I saw her naked barbies (males and females) "making whoopee". =(
Is this normal?Where do the young kids learn it,I mean she is just a baby herself.Should I call the doctor or a specialist,maybe tell the Sunday school teacher? Desperately seeking advice

Answer 1

Did you ask her, "What are your dollies doing?" It's possible she saw older children playing with dolls this way and picked it up without knowing what she was doing. If she says they're doing something that sounds sexual to you, STAY CALM and ask her, "Oh really? What does that mean?" Chances are she won't know.

You can use this as an opportunity to talk about how boys and girls need to keep their private parts covered. If she asks why, say, "Because it is modest, and we are modest!"

I would only worry if she starts to get flustered or embarrassed when you ask her questions (calmly, remember!) -- this would suggest to me that she has seen or experienced something she shouldn't have. But it's probably not that.

Answer 2

LOL This is sooooo normal. I'd wager that 90% of kids do the same thing.

The problem is people who freak out over it. Sex isn't dirty, or unnatural. There isn't any reason to hide the details from kids.

Here's the thing you need to know. If you don't TELL her all about it, she WILL find out about it...in ways you won't like. If she's 7 and you haven't told her this stuff yet, you are seriously being negligent and you'll be sorry later. It's time to get real with this kid and make sure she learns from her parents what she needs to know about sex, and not at school and in the streets.

At 7 she is not "a baby herself" at all. She's long past baby days. You are aware that she is three years away from potentially having her period? Three years...thats not long. Many girls are starting their periods at 9 or 10 years old these days. Do you have any idea how many pregnant 10 year olds are out there??? MANY MANY MANY...In my line of work, I see them. Three years from now your "baby" could be the mommy.

WAKE up and get real with this girl before she ends up one of these sad little mommies that should never be.

And please, please, DO not use words like "tallywacker" and other such nonsense. You will color your daughters perception of herself, her body and her sexuality for the rest of her life. Do not make her think that her body is dirty, do not make her think sex is shameful or dirty or for bad girls. It may embarrass you, but do it for her. It's a penis and a vagina, it's sexual intercourse, use the word PREGNANCY a lot, and make sure you cover what being a mom is all about. Cover the hard stuff. Make sure she hears about LOVE, and the right reasons for having a baby. She should be exposed to all aspects of life, sex included.

Remember, it wasn't that long ago that 10 year olds were getting married. I know my grandparents recall that. So realize that just because society has changed it's ideals about when we should marry and engage in sex, doesn't mean that our biology has changed as well.

Good luck! Email me if you need anything!

Answer 3

This is completely normal. Children do start to explore sexuality. There can be children as young as 3, that start to masturbate. This is COMPLETELY NORMAL. You don't need to discuss this with the Sunday School Teacher.

I explained the "birds and the bees" to my daughter when she was 3 in broad terms. At age 6, we had the "big talk". Talk to your daughter, and find out what she knows. She could be getting some information from kids at school (yes, they do start this young). Make sure what she knows is the truth.

Answer 4

People have given you a lot of good answers and I agree exploring sexuality is a normal part of child development and our kids learn a great deal from their peers, many whose parents allow them to watch TV programs that are not age appropriate. And, you know how sexually charged TV is now days. I have a teenager and we have loved watching "Grey's Anatomy," together. As the plot continues, though I am beginning to wonder if it is a show about dostors or a show about sex!

What no one said that I think is VERY important is that you do educate your daughter in an age appropriate way about sexuality. But, you must include some discussion of "Good and Bad Touching." Her chronilogical age is different from her emotional maturity which determines what she is ready for and only you know that. But, as others stated if you come off as anxious or panicked she is likely to cut you out and tell you nothing. You need to reassure her that curiosity is normal as is she...that it is important that she can always trust you. In a positive pleasant tone ask a few questions to try to determine where she is getting her information. She may just be playing house with her friends, some who know more than others.

I don't say this to alarm you but as I have worked with many sexually abused children; they have often been threatened, are terrified or may not even understand what is not okay if they have not been taught. Children who have been abused will often act out the abuse with other children of with toys as a safe way of dealing with it. You just want to teach her to be safe and ensure yourself that she has not experienced any "bad touch," which can happen from other children or adults. Teach her that it is her body and that she can say NO and always come to you.

If you feel emotionally unprepared to have this discussion without becoming upset or angry which will ultimately affect her feelings, that she can come to you with these questions than you should seek out a trusting realtive, parent, friend, Pastor or professional to help YOU deal with what you are feeling or help coach you on talking to your daughter. It is, as others have shared, very important that your daughter not get any message that makes her feel ashamed of her body, her curiosity or her developing sexuality. Good Luck

Answer 5

I think its totally normal, my 9 year old daughter did the same thing at that age. Sit down ask her why Barbie and Ken are doing that. Theres a good chance she doesn't even really get why they are doing it! She probably learned it from a classmate, or someone she has played Barbies with. Sit down and explain what its about.

Answer 6

Totally normal. I remember doing the same. Just talk to her about it. Don't ask her what she's doing - ask her what her Barbie Dolls are doing!!! It takes the embarrassment off of her and will allow her to open up and maybe tell you where she learned this. If this makes your jaw drop, then I don't know how your going to handle the teenage years!!!!

Answer 7

I am agreeing with many other son this board. I remember doing this at around her age 7 or 8. I did not really know what having sex meant. It was just something forbidden and secret to explore, as many children are very curious about it. Ask you daughter if she has questions about sex. Then you will have a better idea of what she knows/doesn't know. Teach her your values about sex, but don't make her afraid to talk about it.

Answer 8

Don't panic, it's perfectly normal for her to be curious. You want to preserve her comfort level with you, so just calmly ask her what she's doing, where she learned about it, whether she has questions, and be as honest as you can without going too far above her level. I came from a very religious family and have grown up to be a virtuous person, but I definitely had my fair share of "curious" moments when I was growing up!

Answer 9

It is normal. And kids pick up alot in school. When my daughter was in first grade she came home asking me what a BJ was.

But if you are worried that she maybe getting hurt in some way. Talk to her and ask her don't freak out just let her know that there are ways that she shouldn't be touched, ect.

Answer 10

She learned it from her peers. It's not that serious. Talk to her about sex and waiting until she is married. Ask her questions about why she plays with her dolls in such a way. I knew about sex at a younger age. Their is no need for a specialist.