How can i trust my boyfriend more? I Love him but its hard to trust when i have had 3 guyes cheet on me?

Question

I have been daiting a guy for 1yr and 1/2 and i love him very much when he goes out iwht his friends i think that he is cheeting on me bec. my last boy friend cheeted on me 3 times how can i learn to trust him ? How can i help from not arguing so much Please help

Answer 1

This isn't a trust problem.. this is an insecurity problem. The issue isn't that you don't trust him, it's that you don't feel good enough for him because of the way you've been treated in the past.

The best thing to do when you're going through it, is acknowledge in your mind, that this is YOUR problem, not his. Some helpful hints: Remind yourself that he's with you for a reason. Remind yourself, that he has no reason to cheat.
When you feel the urge to argue, say something to him like "I have to be honest, I feel very insecure right now, and I know this is MY problem... I'm bringing it up in an effort to not take it out on you." Then talk about it a bit.
The honesty with yourself will really help.

Two things to think about:

One: If you constantly badger him about cheating, accuse him of cheating, and treat him like he cheated on you... What do you think will eventually happen?? It's a self fulfilling prophecy. Eventually, with so many accusations, he'll cheat.. he's suffering the consequences anyways.

Two: Consider getting some professional help. Insecurity is like a whirlpool of a problem. It's usually tied to alot of other issues (depression, anxiety), and things keep getting sucked into the pool of problems. I'm not saying go get yourself put on anti-depressants.... but sometimes having someone to talk to about issues like this really helps. If it's an option that's available, a therapist is a wonderful thing to have.

Answer 2

This relationship is messed up in all kinds of ways.It sounds like you accept your share of the blame, which is probably fair. Snooping and accusing never help anything unfortunately. Do I think this guy is cheating on you? Well, maybe not. Do I think you two are in danger of that? Oh yeah! There's a feeling people get when they're under suspicion: If you're gonna do the time, you might as well enjoy the crime. You two need a sit-down. Make him a couple of promises like no snooping, no accusations, no setting curfews for him, etc. You don't want to become his mom. And then ask him for the things you need him to do for you in order to get your head straight. Like checking in politely if he's gonna be out late having a few drinks with the boys. In the end, he needs to know that if he wants to be with other women, he can tell you that so you can let him go. It's better to walk away sooner than later. If his heart is being pulled in different directions but he really wants to make it work with you then, there's couples counseling available for you both.

Answer 3

Insecurity is lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt:.
You need to build up your confidence if you want to feel secure in this relationship and any relation. Think about this. You've been with him for 1 1/2 years! That's a long time! Not many relationships last that long. So, you must really mean something wonderful to your boyfriend, right? I think if there were any reason to be doubtful or jealous, you would have discovered that a long time ago. By now, you should know him well enough and be comfortable in the relationship that feelings of jealousy and insecurity should be fading away. Anytime you feel this way, just say to yourself, "This man has been with me for so long now and he wants me, only me." Think about the reasons why he is still with you. Ask him why. It'll help you feel better about this situation I'm sure. Just hang in there and remind yourself that you are the one for him and he feels the same way about you. Nobody is going to take him away so don't worry! I hope this helps.

Answer 4

I know where you are coming from babe. Ive been cheated on bunches of times with Bunches of boys. But not all boys are the same. Just trust your boyfriend. Hes gonna have a life and hes going to go out with his friends. If you have been going out for a yearand a half im pretty sure you must have healed some from you last boyfriend. Maybe its time to start trusting boys again. Besides if he is cheating on you, you learn more and more about boys with every mistake. What doesnt kill you will make you stronger.& trust me. boys will be boys. Its not worth dieing over

Answer 5

You can't pin things on him that your previous bf did to you. I mean yeah you are skeptical, but if he has given you no reason not to trust him, then why not trust him? It is hard to not remember the things that have been done to you in the past, but trust me honey, not all men are like that! Give him the benefit of the doubt. And don't be so paranoid! Life's too short!

Answer 6

mostly in my life there no guys is good,my dad,uncle...they had two women n so on...no true love.but what the matter is almost 10guys may be there got 2 guys is good indeed.try to believe yourself that you may find him in somewhere.as long as you still alive you can find him somewhere in the world.don't worry you may meet him now or soon.about this bf u need to trust by this moment because you can judge the previous3 liar on this innocence man.spend some times on him 2 check him

Answer 7

Its hard...Try to just trust him or accept the fact that men are crappy and will cheat..actually it's not that bad, don't argue with him unless you have proof. If you seen it with ur eyes..or something like that. Don;t accuse unless you have a real reason to.

Answer 8

It is unfair of you to carry this old baggage into this new relationship. You cannot dam him for past boyfriends. How do you stop you grow up and mature. You will doom each and every relationship you are in until you learn to heal and mend before moving on because old baggage does not blossom new relationships

Answer 9

Sorry, but most guys cheat, I'm a guy I know, the only thing I reccommend is if he's not getting the love he should be getting at home, he will find it somewhere else.

Answer 10

Simple, he's not your ex. That was him and his mistakes, don't blame your new boyfriend and think of him as you did you ex. They are two different people. Allow yourself to simply trust him and let him be his own person. Dont' compare him to your ex. How would you like that he always compared you to his ex?! I guess you would hate it. Give him a chance, and don't get mad until you have reason to.