My 20 year old step daughter who lives with gives me a very hard time. We had a long trip to visit my husbands family for the holiday's. I happened to be on the phone with my mother while this was happening and I just got so fed up I had asked her to meet us and pick me up b/c this is disfunctional. My 20 year old step daughter then started yelling at me and threatened me by saying if i ever said this family is dysfunctional againn she would do something. I then told her to get her facts straight, I said THIS is dysfunctional not this FAMILY. She then said "***** don't talk to me like you know me". By the way my husband said nothing about the disrespect I was getting from her. I did get mad b/c I was not being taken up for so I lost my temper with her. I regret it and apologized. We then decided to talk like adults which could not be done because all I got was I don't love her dad and I have hated her from them beginning. NOT TRUE! I am even thinking divorce. I need backing by my man
2006-11-28 02:14:27 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Tell her father that you do not appreciate the fact that he lets her talk to you however she wants and it is going to start causing problems in your marriage if he doesn't start taking action. As far as the daughter she is 20 years old, if she is giving you problems its time for her to move out.
2006-11-28 02:41:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely identify with your situation. I've had two 20-something female step adults. And though they haven't lived with me, they could care less how much pain they cause and disrespect they send me. And finally, after putting up with it fairly silently for years (because I thought it was better to bear it so my husband could get the love from his daughters, even if I wasn't), I finally crashed emotionally--I couldn't take it anymore. What have I learned?? That I should have said something about it to my husband years ago, because I can't turn off my own pain. And I should have not worked so hard to be close to them. They are literally poison. I have yet to know if my marriage can survive his awful daughters.
In your situation, if you need to get away from his family during holiday visits, I support that, but I'd do it as silently and cheerfully as possible to not cause a stir.
Second, you need to have a long talk with your husband about the stress her presence in your home is causing you. He needs to understand that you don't have the ingrained love for her that he does, and it's too hard for you. And the best way for that talk is to have ideas on where she could go, a job she could have, etc etc.
And yes, you DEFINITELY need backing from your man. I think men with adult children don't SEE how difficult their children are--remember that they saw them when they were sweet babies, and toddlers and children. It's all in their evaluation of their now-young-adults. Also, they don't understand that they have to stand up to these children. You have to figure out how to communicate that fact to your husband.
It's hard and I totally sympathize with you. But communication with your husband is the first and most hopeful key.
2006-11-28 03:16:13 · answer #2 · answered by followingmybliss 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
At 20 years old, and she's acting like that? The girl has got some serious iSSues. Besides that she should be out of the house or respecting everyone in the house. Your husband needs to find a way to make it work between the two of you.
Of course I don't know the whole story, but I were you and truly and completely in the wrong. I'd dump his spineless gutless @ss. I'm sorry but if he doesn't know how to intervene and make peace between the two of you in a diplomatic way then he may not be the one for you. I'm not saying he should choose between you too, just that by not finding a resolution that makes both of you at peace, he is in fact choosing sides in the eyes of each of you.
2006-11-28 02:34:05 · answer #3 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. It's not up to the daughter to "let" anyone claim her on their taxes. You can claim her with or without her "permission". You can still claim her even though the ex-wife claims her illegally. In fact, if I were you, I'd go back over all those years and file amended returns to get the extra money you are due. Let the IRS deal with the ex-wife. 2. She's right, this is a problem between you and your husband, not you and her. If you want to nag, nag your husband, not her. 3. This is sort of the deal with marrying someone with a kid. He feels guilty about the divorce, this is his youngest daughter, and he's trying to make up for it by bieng "soft" on her. There isn't anything you can do to change it.
2016-05-22 22:10:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
O.K everyone is going to say that she needs her daddy to be loving and supportive. I'm going to say get her the hell out of your home. She's a grown woman. Yes, she's still his daughter but it's time to spread her wings and fly. If she is disrespectful and making immature aomments i'm under the impression that she is a lazy rebellious spitfire anyway. If hubby won't do or say anything it's time to have an adult conversation that tells her she needs to move out and gives her a date to be done.
Divorce isn't the answer. Why is she still living in her parents house? Where is her mother? Has hubby always been lenient towards her? If he is just one of those very passive men, I say do it yourself. What's he going to do?
2006-11-28 02:32:50 · answer #5 · answered by 1973kimberly 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sound exactly like my family. My sister is the same way. Only she has a tendency to be lazy and my dad won't do anything about it. In my opinion, you need to make her move out and have a serious talk with your husband about your step daughter.
2006-11-28 02:22:32 · answer #6 · answered by Angie, Raised by Wolves 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She doesnt like you. She is very resentful that you are taking her moms place mabye and nothing you can do is going to be good enough right now. The worst possible thing you can do is get her father involved side because she is going to hate you even more.
What you need to do is be a friend, and eventually taht way she will stop hating you, if you keep acting like this she is never going to get along with you.
2006-11-29 13:00:04 · answer #7 · answered by jennyve25 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I feel so sorry for you, I am in a similar situation, the stepchild is doing some really unforgiving things, your chin would drop to the floor if i listed them, I too don't feel like I have the support I need. I turned to the word channel sounds silly to some but I grab the Bible and pray and hang on tight because I love my husband so much and we are supposed to be together forever.
2006-11-28 02:48:56 · answer #8 · answered by Missy 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your husband is wrong not to back you up, you always, always have to present a united front......even when you do not totally agree.....noone should ever think you have a divded household, you discuss alternatives when others are not present. Why is a 20 year old living with you? I say it might be time for her to live on her own and make up her own rules on who can say what and when.
2006-11-28 02:20:12 · answer #9 · answered by ??whome 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You husband need's to set down some ground rules for starters. 2. She is 20 - why is she living at home? 3. If this doesn't stop I don't blame you..I would leave. He can live with his daughter.
2006-11-28 02:17:49 · answer #10 · answered by totalstressor 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋