How do you stop your 2 yr old from screaming and kicking at nap and night night time?

Question

We have a routine, As soon as I mention, bath or bed he starts screaming no no no. I carry him up the stairs without saying a word while he is screaming and kicking (very tiring) once in the bathtub he plays and is happy until I start saying, "All Done?" He starts screaming again! I take him out without saying a word wrap him in his towel and brush his teeth, he calms down until I pick him up and head to his room. I lay on his bed with a book, not saying anything except, "Do you want a book?" When he calms down, I read. We give hugs and kisses and I turn off the lights and shut the door. As soon as I say, "The End. Can I have a kiss?" he starts screaming! He comes out of his room 2 - 8 times after that and we pick him up without a word and put him back in bed. The only other thing I can think of is punishing him, but he's two. During the day we use time out, in this situation it would be a reward to sit in time out instead of laying in his room! Help!

First of all, we're pretty sure he has no mental disease? He is a normal happy two year old that does NOT control the house, that is one reason this issue concerns me. Over other issues he is quick to calm down. He simply is learning his independence and for some reason going to sleep is an every day battle. I believe in spanking, but not knowing the root of his sleeping problem, I'm not going to spank him for trying to tell me in his two year old way that he's scared or there is a reason he does not like going to bed. His verbal skills and reasoning skills are not good enough to talk this through and taking a toy away at night for the next day, I don't think he would understand. Dad works nights and mom stays home and runs an in-home daycare. Thanks for all your responses, but please be considerate of the fact that we are a normal functioning family and I just thought maybe there was a tip or trip I haven't heard of. Thanks again!

Answer 1

Spanking won't help. It will only teach him that when he cries, he gets spanked. With my daughter (who's now almost 3) we would do the routine earlier in the evening and brush her teeth last. We make sure she has about a half hour of play time after bathtime and pjs on. That way she burns herself out and most of the time goes down good. When we first moved her into the big girl bed, we put a baby gate across her doorway so she couldn't get out. Letting her cry it out for a few nights was tough but we did it and now she goes to bed with no screaming.

It's tough but it will get better. You could also just sit in his room with him until he falls asleep and gradually leave a few minutes earlier so he learns to do it on his own again.

Answer 2

Sounds like a transitioning problem if I've ever heard one. During the day, talk him through the routine. Explain everthing that's going to happen, then at bath and bed time take, and talk, him through each step. Give him a five minute warning before bath so he can finish up whatever he is doing. Do the same when it's time to take him out. Also have him help put the tub toys away (into a net hanging on the wall or something like that). This gives him some "control" without being in control and gives closure to the activity. If he doesn't get out when it's time, drain the tub. Don't make a big deal about it, just do it. Sitting in an empty tub when you're cold and wet isn't too much fun.
Talk him through the rest of the night time routine as well book and all. Don't ask him if he wants a book or if he's all done. Tell him. Say, "Ok, book time." If he throws a tantrum skip the book for the night (and hold your ground). He's only two, but not too young to begin learning about actions and consequences.
Is he out of a crib now because he can climb out? If not, maybe it might be worth it to have him sleep in the crib (or pack n play) for a little while longer. You could at least have it set up in the room and tell him that if he gets out of bed, he's going to have to sleep in the crib again until he can be a big boy at night and stay in his big boy bed.

Answer 3

I have a two year old son as well, and we went through the same thing (as I believe a lot of parents do!). It sounds like you are doing everything right. Most doctors say a routine at bedtime is the best way, and you seem to have that down. For us, I just stuck with it, and though it took a while -- eventually my son figured out that things will not change no matter how upset he gets. It was pretty stressful for a while, but now bedtime is much easier. One thing I did find with my son - me getting upset or quick with him made everything a lot worse. It may be darn near impossible sometimes -- but try to keep calm through the whole thing and don't let him work you up. You can also talk to your pediatrician -- he would be happy to give you more personalized suggestions. Good luck!!

Answer 4

That sounds exactly like my cousin .. have you ever thought he might have a mental disease? My little cousin, Marcus, is 2 years old. He screams and goes nuts every time he doesn't want to do something and he starts kicking and screaming and throwing things as if he were the Incredible Hulk .. but when he finally does them, then he calms down. He was diagnosed with Autism a few weeks back. I babysit him and my other 2 cousins every weekend. What i do is, make sure he takes 0 naps during the day. When it is time to give him a bath, I just tell him it's bath time and no matter how much he cries i give him a bath. Then I put soothing night time lotion on him, give him a warm bottle of milk, and put him in his crip and he watches TV and goes to sleep and wakes up during the night maybe once or twice. But he used to wake up atleast 10 times a night and run all over the place at 3 in the morning. Hope this helps .. you might wana get his pediatrician to check him out.

Answer 5

Well i Know It seems A little Wierd But I have found that if i reward my two year Old Little Girl when She Does it The right way that She Figures it out a little quicker.. I Had a couple of problems when she was potty Training with Kicking and screaming Cause the water was blue due to a tank Cleaner and the water was UCKY ! So I Decided Everytime she sat on the potty with out kicking and screaming i gave Her a Sticker And that Seemed to Work Well and them we pushed it down to everytime she went Potty she got A sticker. Not all Kids like Stickers but There are things that You can Try if he dosnt like stickers. But I do feel For You. I nipped it early with My daughter She started Sceaming when she was still in the crib , wanted to be rocked to sleep. so we would take her in tuck her up tight and let her cry it out Took about a week Before She realized It wasnt going to work LOL:) But all kids Are Different. Just thought i would throw out the sticker idea Cause well Most Kids Like Stickers:) Oh and if you find any good anwsers on how to stop getting her to get up atleast one time after i lay her down now that we have a big girl bed . Let me know

Answer 6

Is he verbal enough to let you know if there is something that he is afraid of?

Is he with mom or dad during the daytime? Could he be having separation anxiety?

Find a way to make the routine fun. Instead of telling him it's bathtime, tell him it's time to go look for dolphins or go fishing or something and lead him to the tub as part of the game.

Try using a timer to let him know when bathtime is done. Some kids react better to the TIMER telling them that time is up instead of a parent. Get a little timer and keep it in the bathroom.

Let him be involved in picking out PJ's and the books you read so he feels he has some control over things.

Try laying down with him while he is falling asleep. This may help him relax and you may also be able to figure out if there is a weird light or noise or something that bothers him at night. Does he have a nightlight? If not, maybe he needs one? If he does, could it be making scarey shadows? Does he have a stuffed animal he likes to sleep with? I think stuffed dogs are good because we can talk about how the dog can protect him if there is something that he is scared of. That worked well with my oldest when he used to sleep with a stuffed Clifford around that age.

Try making a poster to help him with the transition. Make pictures of everything in your routine. (Draw them or take some pix and glue them on.) Then have him help you each night. "What's next?!" asked with a lot of excitement and let him point to the picture. It could help with the transitions from one thing to the next.

Answer 7

I'd say change your "routine." The biggest part of caring for your children is teaching your children to take care of themselves.

Commands work much better as they communicate that you are in charge. If you continue to decide by committee with parenting matters with your child, he'll continue to kick and scream as this gets the desired reaction from you. "Time Out" is utterly useless the way it is applied by most parents. Usually, it conveys the idea that you are the one that needs a rest, so you can get back into the fight that the two -year old is handily winning. Hugs and kisses communicate to him your submission to him and reinforce that he is in control and not you. You may want to call in a family counselor on this one as it appears the 2 year old is the de facto President in your household.

The "terrible twos" are no fun, but without discipline and structure, your child will become more insecure and bratty. Good luck!

Answer 8

I feel your pain. We just got through this with my two year old. When I stopped asking her questions, of any kind, and started telling her what to do (Time to get out, time for a book, time to go to sleep) it helped, but not entirely. It turned out that the whole thing was because she's scared of the dark! A nightlight wasn't enough. We put a small lamp with a 25W soft colored bulb (the light isn't as harsh) in her room, and the issue stopped almost immediately.

Good luck, and hang in there!

Answer 9

It's phase, just be strong and conistent, that's what's important. My son used to come out of his room 10-40 times a night!!! By the end I was screaming at the top of my lungs or just shutting the door on him for 2 minutes and then he4 would screama nd cry and finally stop coming out. Or I would take away his favorite stuffed animal and shut the door for a minutes then give it back and say "now go to sleep or I am taking it again!" Sometimes I thought I was being to harsh but it was getting out of hand, he wouldn't stay in his room for hours!!

Answer 10

As a mother i completely understand what you are going through. trust me when i say that. I have a two year old little girl. and bedtime used to be a disaster. By the time it was over we were both in tears.

I know that it is tough and it is hard when you child is crying but the thing is that in their own way they are testing the limitations.

If you would like Try this. Make bath time about thirty mins eairler, so when you are done you and you son can have some down time. play with him quietly. Tell him 5 minutes before you put him to bed that it is almost time to go night night. Put him in bed. Every night when i put my little girl down we go trough a list of who all is going night night. ( bubby gone night night, papaw gone night night, ) and so on and last we say Kailees' going night night and mommy too.

He probally will get out of the bed a start the crying, but dont give in tell him that he has to go to bed. Put him back in his bed room and make him understand that he has to go to bed. He is probally not scared he just wants to be with you.

I have broken down many times, the first night i cryed for hours. th e second night it was the same. then i felt bad for what i was doing, but i kept on doing it, i had support. About 1-2 weeks later kailee now tell me that it is time to go night night. adn that ( bubbys gone night night, papaw gone night night.)