I am dating a 33 year old man who has a past of drugs, violence and prison time. He has cleaned up his act a lot and still in the process of cleaning. He drinks a beer when he is stressed and got high last Friday night. Then on Saturday I asked to please keep sober and he did completely. He has a full time job and he loves it. I live a clean life style and always have. I am really attracted to him and so far he has been really good to me. I’ve know him for a week now. I think what his problem is since he always hustled to make a living he is not used to working his way up the corporate ladder and right now he is on the bottom so his paychecks are small there for he does hustling jobs for extra money on the weekends. He says he just doing them now to get by and will stop once he is caught up.Should I keep on seeing him or will he go back to his old ways?
2006-11-28 01:15:19 · 14 answers · asked by s9j6j 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I READ YOUR PROFILE, YOU HAD SOME QUES. ON MAKING FRIENDS, YOU STATED YOU HAD A BOYFRIEND FOR SIX YEARS AND BROKE UP, YOU NEED TIME TO HEAL. YOU ALSO STATED YOU HAD A BLEAK CHILDHOOD WITH YOUR BROTHER, YOU ARE ONLY 20YS OLD AND YOU FEEL LONELY, YOU ARE AN EASY TARGET FOR A "MAN" SUCH AS THIS, TRUST ME, YOU WOULD RATHER BE ALONE THAN TO SETTLE WITH SOMEONE WHO CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE YOU LIFE CRUMBLE! HE IS BACK TO HIS OLD WAYS!!!!! SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE THE WEEKEND HUSTLE! RUN LIKE THE WIND...CHANGE YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER AND LOCKS! I MEAN THIS...PLEASE BE SAFE! AND PLEASE, KEEP IN TOUCH, I AM A LITTLE FREAKED OUT, MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE TOO! SOMETIMES WE MAKE POOR DECISIONS IN LIFE...AND THIS IS ONE OF THEM. YES, PEOPLE CAN CHANGE, HE HAS NOT, LIKE YOU ALREADY STATED IN YOUR QUESTION (THE BEER AND GETTING HIGH ONCE IS ALL THAT YOU KNOW, THERE IS A LOT MORE TO IT) PEACE.
2006-11-28 01:41:30 · answer #1 · answered by brxny2000 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
There are lots of sad and terrible reasons for people to be what they were in the past. All of us sure do have to give second chances for people who clean up their act. Cleaning up is wiping out all of the wrong and sticking to the right side as much as possible and being resolute about it. It is a very fine balancing act for them. They can topple on to the wrong side if something triggers them to. I don't think he should be hustling for the extra money even if his paycheck is very small. He can get a second job for the weekends, a proper one! Tell him so. Be careful all the time. Some more advice, if I may...Remember he has already been violent in his past. Any sign of violence (even a small one), drop the guy. They always say they won't do it again, but it will happen again and again and again. Take care!
2006-11-28 01:23:20 · answer #2 · answered by happykat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If a person wants and desires to change yes it is very possible. It is all a matter of choices. However, you said he is reverting back to his old choices. So sooner rather than later he will be back in the mix with his old habits taking the easy way out. So it is your choice. However, I would run and get away right now. If he was serious about being clean and living a clean life. He would not be drinking, if he has a past drug history, this drinking will lead him right back where he began. and If he is doing hustling on the side to make ends meet, it is only a matter of time and he will be in jail again. Good luck and God bless****
2006-11-28 01:22:12 · answer #3 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is possible for people to change, but usually not overnight. It takes a lot of hard work and daily effort to make it happen. He also has to want to change, for himself, not you or anyone else!
You said you were dating this man, you have only known him one week.. and you didn't say what kind of age difference there is between you. It seems that you both care about each other, but the biggest thing I have to tell you is that you need much more time to get to know each other and build a relationship that has a better foundation than one week. (Experience is a great teacher!) You need to decide what is important to you, and do it!
If you are not willing and able to handle this kind of relationship in the future, then get out while it's still early,... but if you are strong enough and want to be with him and deal with his problems no matter what happens, then that is another choice. Just remember that there are challenges with those types of lifestyles,
and it sounds like he has had some addictions for quite a while.
Just make sure that your attraction is not purely physical, if there are more good things than bad about him... he might be worth it!
2006-11-28 01:28:41 · answer #4 · answered by MaggieO 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run while you can. He sounds like my brother. Lies, cheats, and steals. Druggie. This is not the type of person you should be around. If he has an abusive past, likely he will eventually become abusive with you. Get out while you can. You can't trust him. I'm sure he will tell you all the things you want to hear, in order to keep you, lying through his teeth. Don't feel guilty, have respect for yourself and find a decent guy.
2006-11-28 01:46:07 · answer #5 · answered by hello 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh thats a big nono a guy like that will never change even thou he says he is .how do u know hes not still doing it behind ur back.thats a hard question to answer.i should know because i was in the same situation as u but even worse .and that was my biggest mistake to give him 4chances and to belieave he was changed .i was brusied and bashed up alot for no reason at all .i never did anything wrong to him,i proof everything to him and i was a good gf to him and i never made him mad or angry only his friends and family did and he took out on me because i was there and they weren't.so i finally told him to leave and got a tresspass notice on him and charged him.it was hard for me to let him go but it was for my best and for my sake and the sake of my son and friends and families .so get out while u still can now
2006-11-28 01:30:58 · answer #6 · answered by darkangel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If a person make a concerted effort to change his ways, then yes, but just talking about it serves NO purpose.
2006-11-28 01:17:27 · answer #7 · answered by WC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if a man knoe's he has a real women who is gonna push him to do better than yea people can change but u have to remember no one is perfect and change can not occur in 24 hours show him ur there for try to show him life is just not about hustlin but better things support him and show him u are serious about him go0d luck sweety
2006-11-28 01:18:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think it is possible for someone to change but if you dont live his lifestyle you shouldn't be there risking your heart at the same time. Are you willing to stay with him if he continues that lifestyle?
2006-11-28 01:20:59 · answer #9 · answered by L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on the person! They have to be 100% dedicated to doing the right thing!! Give him time you'll be able to see
2006-11-28 01:19:28 · answer #10 · answered by tiffany 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋