2006-11-28 00:28:07 · 26 answers · asked by Cnj77060 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Unfortunately, you can't. If you really want to be with your mate, than you love everything about them, including their kids. I was actually in this situation a few years ago. I cared about my boyfriend, but I hated the fact he had a history with another girl, and they had a child together. We went so far as to get engaged, but the more I thought about it, the easier it was to figure out the only way for any of us to be happy was to break the engagement. I cared about him and his child too much to have to put them in the position of choosing me or the mother of the child. We parted as friends and today I am married to the man of my dreams. I hate to say it, but you have to ask yourself what is it you really want: to be with YOUR mate, or ANY mate? If you hate that they have a kid, then perhaps there are other issues there you just haven't seen yet. Good Luck.
p.s. - my sister actually loved her mate enough to marry him and his kids; so sometimes it does work out!
2006-11-28 00:38:02 · answer #1 · answered by shortcakegirl45 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't know why you hate that they have a kid. I know it can be hard feeling like you are second best or always having to work to their schedule. Their life is probably hectic and sometimes they do not think to include you. But that's the reality.
I've heard that the relationship must *also* be given priority, and I think that is sage advice. You may want to have this sort of discussion with your "mate." Perhaps there is some room for adjustment here. Just like any parents in a "marriage-type" relationship must give priority to the marriage, perhaps you need some more priority given to your relationship. Hopefully you can find a healthy balance that you are both comfortable with and able to manage.
2006-11-28 00:37:24 · answer #2 · answered by Taramasu2U 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really you need to accept that kid or get out. No matter how much your mate says "I am not looking for a father..." etc. The reality is that if you become involved with your mate seriously, you will be a role model for that kid regardless. You may also come to love the kid. They are a package deal man...
2006-11-28 00:29:34 · answer #3 · answered by Average Joe 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What do you hope to acheive by telling them that you hate they have a kid? Perhaps considering the circumstances its better to be sensitive and not say anything? If the kid thing is stressing you out see if you can find a freind or relitive to take care of the kid for a weekend or something where you can act as though you were a "regular" couple?
2006-11-28 00:31:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Touchy subject. I couldn't tell if this was a chick or a guy asking the question so I will answer to both. If your the chick and the guy has the kid you can express yourself to him more openly. If your a guy and the chick has the kid. Dude, don't say crap. If you mention one thing about not liking anything about their kid it will be hell. And to both chick or guy. If this is something that you are fairly sure will be a problem for you then you need to get out of the relationship NOW. Save yourself the trouble and wasted time.
2006-11-28 00:33:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is no future in this relationship if you don't like the fact that they have a kid. That fact is NEVER going to change and it would be selfish of you to expect it too. Plus, if they did just "throw away" their kid to be with you...is that really someone you'd want to be with? That's cruel and selfish. Personally, I have a 5 yr old who has a good dad but I have dated someone who wasn't certain about kids but I got involved with him and we got really close but I kept my daughter at a distance form him, after dating him for 10months we realized it wasn't going to work and we went through a painful break up. It made both of us sad..because we didn't realize that in order to have a future together..we'd have to agree on kids especially. So we ended it and I am still in a great deal of pain. Reality is you've recognized that it bothers you, now take action. Let them go and find someone who has what you want! good luck!
2006-11-28 00:36:09 · answer #6 · answered by beautifully broken 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
While I have to agree with the majority that parent and child are a package deal, consider this also.
The bond between parent and child is (or should be) the strongest and purest love that exists. If you express your feelings about the child to your partner and they actually do choose to "walk away" from their offspring to maintain your love, would you really want to be with someone who can turn their back on love, devotion and responsibility like that?
2006-11-28 01:30:29 · answer #7 · answered by sarah_j_chaney326 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry honey but the kid comes along with the parent. If you dont like the fact that she has a child then you dont need to be with her. You are acting very selfish and i wouldnt want you to be with me if thats how you felt about my child. So either deal with it and treat her child with respect or get out of the relationship!!! There are so many single parents now adays and i think you will never be satisfied with anyone with a child. Stop thinking about yourself!!
2006-11-28 00:31:59 · answer #8 · answered by michelle 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't think that you want this relationship then... B/C anyone in there right mind will tell you that it is a package deal... If you can't accept their kids then you can't accept them.. So if it were me, I would tell you "don't let the door hit you on your way out!". Maybe this relationship wasn't meant to be...
2006-11-28 00:32:53 · answer #9 · answered by gamustanggirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't. The person you love comes as a package deal, there is a child, and you not liking it is just too bad. What good would come of telling this person? Its not like they can change it and it will only cause resentment.
2006-11-28 00:30:56 · answer #10 · answered by I_Love_Life! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋