To work or not to work?

Question

I currently have a full time job that takes me out of the house from 07:20 am to approx 19:00. Husband does not want to move but we can't afford this house on one wage. If I go back to work after having my baby i'll hardly see it? He's not being very reasonable, we don't normally argue, but this is getting me quite stressed.
I no longer enjoy my job after a couple of management changes and a restructure have left me working for a t*t in an unsuitable role, but I get paid extremely well.

Do I push now to move? Do I carry on and plan to return to work then look for a new closer job later on?

all advice welcome.

My husband also works but likes our lifestyle as it is.
We did discuss all of this but I don't think it is as 'real' for him yet as it is for me.
I want to stay at home for a couple of years at least, but we would not be able to stay in this house, it is large and pricey.

Answer 1

I'm presuming you're pregnant now?! Your hormones are all over the place so this is not the best time to make such a life changing decision. I'd tell your employer up front that you don't know yet if you'll be coming back to work after the baby or not. Legally, they have to keep the job open for you for a certain period which they notify you off. Being on maternity leave before and after the baby is born will help clarify things for you.
Beforehand, because you have the advantage to de-stress from work without having a newborn around and messing you up even more (ie sleepless nights, new routine, hormones again, shift in the relationship with your husband etc). You may feel bored and think you'll want to go back to work.

After baby, you'll be so busy you won't think of work that often!!! Unless, like my friend, she found coping with the baby more boring than her job and STILL wanted to go back to work - sooner rather than later. I don't think she gave it enough time really.

The baby will change the way you think about everything so I'd hold off till you've got yourself sorted out as a mum and dad/family first and decide then.

Your employer may also let you return on a part time basis???

I didn't go back to work after my son was born but we were lucky enough to be able to manage on one salary. There are pros and cons on both sides. Also bear in mind, that if both you and your husband are working.....you'll need to pay for childcare, which is pretty expensive these days! My friend ended up paying two thirds of her earnings towards childcare which to me wasn't worth her return to work full time. She said she needed the money too...but that was so she could continue the same above average lifestyle/quality (ie dinner parties etc). I'd have stayed home, or taken a part time job, and changed my lifestyle somewhat. In fact I often wondered why she had her child in the first place.

Still, try to chill out for now because the stress isn't doing you or the baby any good (and a house move now would only add to that stress). Also, I'm not sure if you sound as if you WANT to go back to work or not? Do you know yourself, money worries aside, what you'd prefer?

Good luck and chill out a bit ......Celine

Answer 2

I went back to work full-time after having my baby because of financial pressures. I have found a lovely nanny, whom my daughter enjoys and I feel comfortable that she is well looked after when I leave her. However, childcare is very expensive and you have to be earning a very, very good wage to make it worth your while. It is very tiring trying to work full-time and look after a child, although it is hard work being at home with a child all day as well. You'll miss your baby desperately when you're away from him or her and, although all my baby's "firsts" have been whilst my husband and I were with her, there is a danger that you'll miss the first word or first step. Nevertheless, it is do-able as long as you find good childcare that you're confident and happy about and you and your husband work as a team.

What you're facing is the dilemma of the modern professional mother. No-one can tell you the right answer - only you and your husband can decide what's right for your family. You should make maximum use of the maternity rights you have at present, including your six months maternity leave, to work out a solution. Working closer to home, taking a career break or going back part-time are all options and you don't have to decide not to go back to work until the last day of your maternity leave, so you've got plenty of time to think about your options and you don't need to decide now. But what I do know is that once your baby is born the best solution will become obvious - to both you and your husband. If you decide that you want to stay at home with your baby, I suspect your husband will be much more amenable once he has held and fallen in love with your little one - big houses and earning lots of money can suddenly become pretty insignificant.

Good luck and don't worry. Things have a way of working themselves out and you'll soon discover that all that matters is having a healthy, happy baby.

Answer 3

Sorry hun but you can't have it all ways. Everyone wants the same lifestyle as you had pre-baby but very few manage it. We lived in a tiny one bed roomed house for the first 10 months to enable me to stay of, we made a lot from selling that and moved into a bigger place and I still don't have to work but we have had to make other sacrifices.

The hours you will be out of the house are just to much and this is something you and your 'husband' should have discussed. Is he not willing to adapt to allow you to give your baby the best start in life? Does he think childcare is free? Does he even realise what having a baby will change?

Doesn't sound like it, in fact it sounds like your with the wrong man but its to late for all that now!

Do a realistic budget but omit all the luxuries then see what the minimum wage you require to live and take it from there.

In the UK employers are obliged to try and accommodate part time hours so that's worth thinking about.

You need to enjoy your baby, not be out the house all its waking hours.

You may as well give it up for adoption!

Answer 4

I would see what they can do for you part time maybe a different role is available? or you could completely get a new job closer to home maybe with child care facilities it might be a step down the career but it would be worth it.. when my husband and I were considering ttc I moved job cause I knew if I fell pregnant they would not be able to accommodate me without me having to travel for along time and work long hours so I moved to a job were they have a policy were you can work from home up to 2 days a week (they set everything up for you) and when I am at work there is a child care ( I have to pay for) but because it is write here I get to have lunch with my child (when ever I am blessed)...

maybe you should down size or move a bit further out.. I'm not sure where you are now .. but would you consider moving to the country your hubby could commute the housing would be cheaper and maybe you could put up solar panels and a wind turbine to power heat and send water to your home you could also grow your own food and keep chickens and such ..( I would love that life) it would save you alot on bills and be a great upbringing for any child.. usually schools are better and so is the community.. good luck and congrats on the bub..

Answer 5

If you can possibly avoid working full time when bub comes, do it. They are tiny for such a short time and you will regret not spending those early years with your little wonder........it's a cliche I know but so true. Money is essential but it's not everything and the time you spend with your baby (or don't spend with him/her) can never be repeated.
Perhaps you could appeal to your husband focussing on what will be best for the baby?
As you don't enjoy your job anymore then perhaps it's time for a change to something more flexible & closer to home.
Remember whatever you decide the baby didn't have a choice about being, so its needs should come first. Good luck.

Answer 6

You have to do what you think is going to make you happy. Some women would go mad if left at home looking after their children all the time, some are miserable if they work.
I would say that if you don't like you job now, then you are likely to hate it once you have a baby. If you view your manager as a t*t, doesn't sound like he is going to be very supportive on those days when your baby is sick and you want to stay at home.
My sister in law is in a similiar position - she hates her job and works only for the money and is miserable.
It would probably be easier to make the change now than when you have the baby, although getting a job when you are pregnant is harder, and you may have to apply for maternity benefit rather than getting maternity pay from your employer (depending on company policy)

Answer 7

Sounds like you need to sell the house. If money won't stretch, get a cheaper place. All your husband is seeing is security and less stress. For him its all about making sure the money stretches and planning in case one of you were to ever get laid off. An expensive house is nice, but it shouldn't be more important than raising your child the way you choose to. My husband wanted me to work and I flat out told him no. My kids need me more than we need an extra paycheck. Sounds like he's being selfish. Start downsizing now and cutting a few extras. The more money you have after bills, the less pressure he'll feel. My family of 5 actually does better with money than my mom who lives alone and makes twice what my husband does. Its all about HOW you use the money, not how much you make.

Answer 8

That is a tough one. I think that you already know the answer though...

Do you want to raise your child yourself or do you want a childminder to raise him/her?
It is easier to move now than with a small baby. You could also stay with your current job, and resign during your maternity leave so will keep your higher wage for as long as possible. Be reasonable about your expectations and how far you can stretch yourself though! Could you work part-time or job-share after your child is born?

Answer 9

It's very difficult to have a new baby and then leave him or her to return to work. Many people simply have to do it in order to survive. I do believe that, if it can possibly be arranged, it's best if the child can always be with a parent in the early years. There are many different ways to try to accomplish that. Maybe you could find a "work from home" kind of job. Maybe you and hubby could work opposite schedules so baby is always with one of you. Maybe hubby could find a way to make more money so you could stay at home with the baby longer or work less hours. Sit down with him and calmly explain to him why it's important to you to find a way to make some changes. Explore all your options and see if you can come up with a plan that will work.

Answer 10

I stayed home with my children when they were young, but our situation was different as we did not have the financial issues. I loved staying home with my children and strongly advocate it to anyone that has the opportunity. As far as a move to be able to afford to stay home, this is a situation that really needs to be thought about long and hard between yourself and your husband. You do not want to find yourself in a situation years from now where your husband is resentful about a decision you pushed for.