Ok here is he deal my mother is 85, and for the last 12 years I have been her sole caretaker, I buy her groceries, take her to the doctors, take her on vacations, and generally do everythin for her including buy her birthday,mothersday,christmas presents. I have 2 older brothers one is 57 the other 59 and the extent of thier participation is they might (usually not) send her a card for her birthday. Anyone know a good way I can get them to take more responsibility? I lov my mom dearly but it's wearing me out doin everything or her with no help from the two stooges?
2006-11-27 22:43:07 · 8 answers · asked by roymoenkhoff 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You calling them stooges may give an indication of why they keep their distance. From my own experience I'd say you had mama during the good times, and now these are the bad times. You probably need to put mama in a care facility before you end up in one yourself.
Forget forcing the brothers into anything, they are adults and have made their decision. There are usually reasons for decisions like that also, so I won't judge them.
2006-11-27 22:48:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about this for a conversation starter, if mom owns her own home suggesting that you do a reverse mortgage and get her into a good nursing home? That way they dont have to do anything more then what they are currently doing. Mom and you get a break from the stress of daily life. That should open up their eyes to the situation and they will come up with what works for them.
2006-11-27 22:58:05 · answer #2 · answered by Outside the box 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
AS A CAREGIVER i SAY KUDOS TO YOU. ALSO, GETTING OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS TO HELP IS NOT ONLY HOPELESS FOR YOU, BUT DANGEROUS FOR YOUR MOM. IF THEY RESENT THEIR TURN, MOM WILL KNOW IT.
YOU HAVE NOT MEMTIONED THE "STATE OF HER HEALTH, FINANCES, OR POA (POWER OF ATTORNEY) FOR BOTH.
MANY LOCALITIES HAVE "ADULT DAY FACILITIES" WHICH CARE FOR YOUR LOVED ONES WHILE YOU TAKE A FEW HOURS "OFF" TO RUN YOUR OWN ERRANDS. IN THIS PART OF MICHIGAN THEY ARE RUN ON A COUNTY A INTERCOUNTY LEVEL. THE COST IS MINIMAL AND THOYGH YOU OBVIOUSLY LOVE MOM THE RELIEF IS WITHOUT COMPARE. BEST OF LUCK--DONOT BE AFRAID TO PAY OUTSIDE HELP. IF YOU DIE OF EXHAUSTION, THE FAMILY WILL FIND A WAY TO PAS THE BUCK AGAIN.
PEACE LOVE SAFE & HAPPY
2006-11-27 22:55:11 · answer #3 · answered by borrowedtime 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sadly you can't force people to do the right thing. see if there are some of the little things that they can do. I its that they don't want to see her maybe they can foot the bill to help you get help, pay someone to do the shopping and run the errand, someone to clean your house and run your errands that way you won't be pulled into different directions. any help in any form you get will help you.
2006-11-27 22:47:00 · answer #4 · answered by Ron P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
God will reward you for the wonderfull work you are doing.the is nothing you can do to make them participate accept talking to them about how you feel.if they still dont participate KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.God will bless you.write now you are your mom's life saver so please be strong just for her!!!
2006-11-27 22:51:00 · answer #5 · answered by Divalicous25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is sad that they don't take their responsibility as serious as you do and help you out. I hope that she does not have anything for them to fuss over after she is gone.
2006-11-27 23:06:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
from what ive seen with this over the years there is always one kid that takes over taking care of mom. it is very tiring. i know. but since shes 85 she probably wont be around much longer. if i were you i was just continue to take care of her.
2006-11-27 22:52:02 · answer #7 · answered by rhonda3826 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
tell them that you would like some help from them, that taking care of your Mom is more than you can handle & that after all your Mom did for them, while they grew up , it's the least they can do for her! Good luck
2006-11-27 22:48:36 · answer #8 · answered by start 6-22-06 summer time Mom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋