Dear Jody, it is terrible to lose a father but to lose him through suicide can be so much harder to come to terms with. There are so many questions left unanswered.
I have felt deeply suicidal in the past and I can only tell you that his mental pain would have been extremely tormenting. However, other than suppport family can do little to change the workings of a deeply depressed mind. So you must not have guilt nor should anyone else who knew him.
The suicidal's mind works differently from the usual mind. Often they feel that people and the world would be better off without them....and they really do believe this to be true.
Many times people say 'how selfish is suicide'. But more often it is not...it is often an act of courage or the only means that a person can find to escape the torture within the brain.
Depression, by its nature alters the perception of the brain and things are viewed in a very distorted way though in a very REAL way to the person suffering.
Your father died from a severe disease of the mind.
The thing is with mental illness often you cannot see an end to it, or it passes only to return again.
You may at times feel very angry with your dad and that's okay as it's part of the process. If you're thinking 'how could he do this to us?' then I would say....in the end he could see no option.
If you can begin to understand that a deep depression is equivalent to a major road traffic accident though of the brain you you may understand how your desperately your father needed the pain to stop, not just for himself but for everyone around him. Suicidal people are often unable to think in any rational way....so when we say 'I could never do that' we are able to say that because we are rational and not traumatised.
I hope this can offer you some insight so that you can come to peace of mind.
Best wishes.
2006-11-28 03:22:16
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answer #1
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answered by Anonymous
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Probably not the answer you want to hear, but the reason for suicide is there is no reason.
There is generally an underlying fear(It's too much to keep living with XYZ going on) an overwhelming feeling of worthlessness(They would be better off without me), A deep desire to stop the pain or turmoil they are feeling whether it is physical or mental, a feeling of being trapped and a need to escape, and a complete lack of hope(nothing will get better, I can't make it better, what am I supposed to do when there is nothing to do).
When the mind tries to cope with too much at the same time, it either shuts itself down, or tries to find a solution - suicide is a solution for many when the mind can't cope. Stress is a huge factor. Stress puts pressure on the whole body and mind and is a way of letting you know that you aren't able to cope or know how to react.
Generally it is a cry for help - if someone 'attempts' suicide. If they succeed, then they generally, honestly believe they are doing it for the best. It is a selfish act, but that factor doesn't really enter into their mind - there is too much else going on in there already to understand that.
I am sorry for your loss, but your father's suicide does not mean that he didn't love you or care about you and your family, it just means that his mind got overloaded with confusion and doubt about his ability to understand, and react to a situtation or series of situations.
I hope this helps.
2006-11-27 21:44:20
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answer #2
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answered by Kami 2
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I'm very sorry to hear of your loss of your father.
People commit suicide for different reasons and everyone is different in one way or another. Even those who think that they are making things better for everyone by doing that are in a different state of mind and not able to think clearly. Stress is the number one cause, but the stress can be caused by depression and the inability for the person to reason as they once did. Depression can hit anyone of us at any time and for many, many, reasons - the problem is that we may never actually realize that we are suffering from this.
I am truly sorry that I cannot give you the answer to your question as to why, but you should know that it is not your or anyone Else's fault. Sometimes people get overwhelmed with stress and emotions, and feel as if they don't matter anymore even though we see differently.
I have learned to try to help other people I see in these situations by guiding them to seek help early so that they can deal with their own thoughts and emotions much better. I cannot change what has happened but I can help others to make changes that will help themselves.
Counseling can be very helpful in trying to understand some of these things - I would recommend it (no, I am not a counselor).
I wish you the best.
2006-11-28 02:34:21
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answer #3
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answered by jarhed 5
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everyones circumstances are different my uncle committed sucide about five years ago. he was an alocolholic. but i feel the reason why he did it was a cry for help. he wife had kicked him out he children has lost more or less all hope in him. it really really is a terrible thing to go but through. but it really is unreal how many families are touched by sucide.
Unfortunalty these unanswered questions are not going to go away but they can neither be answered.
After a while the pain does get easier and remember never ever to blame yourself . it will be very hard as every birthday will come with an anniversary but just remember your dad is more than likely alot happier up there than down here. this way he can watch everything all at the one time
2006-11-28 00:24:47
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answer #4
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answered by aoife k 2
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This is one of those questions that can never really be answered, and its a terrible thing for you to have to come to terms with.
When someone reaches the point of suicide, they are not thinking rationally, the despair they feel is all consuming, and often truly believe that family and friends will be better off without them around, even though this is not the case.
Is it possible he found out about an incurable illness, that he didnt want to inflict on his family.
Really you will never have this answer as your dad was the only person who could tell you, did he leave a note.
You need to get counciling for this, not only have the death of your father to deal with, but the fact he took his own life, there are people who trained to help with this, usually people who have been through the same thing, and they will be off great help to you.
I cant say you will get over this, you wont, but you do learn to live with it eventually, and it will be better for you to get help.
2006-11-27 21:55:16
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answer #5
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answered by Anonymous
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Sorry for your loss. My brother committed suicide when he was 16 - I was 12.
I think depression can be a factor.
I think mental illness can sometimes be a factor.
I think basically the person is unhappy in their own skin, and in this life and can see no future, can gain no real happiness or pleasure out of living.
Very hard on the ones they leave behind.
Let me assure you, your father's leaving had nothing to do with your birthday. This is just a co-incidence.
Your father is at peace now.
Ask relatives about your dad and see what you can find out.
Good luck and I hope you heal well
2006-11-27 21:34:14
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answer #6
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answered by Ambience 3
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No one can give the real reason, except the person who commited it. We can try to understand why, such as maybe they felt that they werent needed here, that they were a burden on others, that they got stuck in a situation they cant get out of, life was to overwhelming for them, financial/emotional/physical worries, self confidence, anything really. What really matters is that you got to know him before he departed from this world, and that he got to know you and see you grow up. Time and love is a great healer, difficult I know, but true. If you are still worried or curious seek professional advice.
2006-11-27 21:34:38
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answer #7
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answered by Need_to_know 5
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i am sorry to hear that. in some cases alot can get on top of people where they see no way out and feel that is the best soloution. your father could have been depressed for a long time and it does show that even the closest of families could miss that. you must know it was never your fault and people with that sort of a bourdan on there shoulders are having a really rough time of it, your father saw it as the best solution to him and he didnt relise how upset you were going to be as people in that situation feel that they are no good for there family anymore and bring alot worse to them. hope this helps
2006-11-27 21:36:28
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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I'm really sorry for your loss. I get suicidal at times and can't see any other way out. I get so depressed that I think everyone would be so much better if I wasn't around. Obviously I can't speak for your father, but maybe he was just depressed.
2006-11-27 21:37:23
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answer #9
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answered by ? 4
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Dear I am sorry. It is very hard to explain and explanation will not bring your dad back. The first thing you must understand is" This is not your fault", what your father did is traumatic for you and your family but you have nothing to do with this tragedy. If you allow me I may say that you are smart and intelligent and you will not spoil your life just because your father did some thing to himself. I am really sorry.
2006-11-27 21:36:41
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answer #10
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answered by Anonymous
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