He thinks he has done nothing wrong though he hasnt gave a toss for his daughter who was pregnant up til 3 weeks ago, he has threatened to beat me up twice and last week he came round to argue with us that we were in wrong, not to visit his grandson, who by the way, he will never see again as long as i live, i eventually had to throw him out our flat by force. He blames me for pushing my partner away from him, but it has been me looking after her throughout the pregnancy and he made no effort to help us when we were homeless or when we moved into our flat given to us by the council. How can i make sure he doesnt make contact with our son, and stop him from upsetting my partner anymore than he has?
2006-11-27 20:47:25 · 19 answers · asked by Mappy~Jazz 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Ive got to add that my partner also hates him and wants him out of all our lives.
The reason i thrown him out of our place by force is because she asked me to, and she was about to get a big piece of wood out to hit him with, so......
2006-11-27 21:03:57 · update #1
Congratulations on becoming a Dad, firstly. What a trauma you all seem to have been through. It's probably not the best time to try and sort things out, what with having a 3 week old baby - your partner's hormones are all over the place, you're all probably suffering from sleep depravation and what should have been a joyous event has been spoiled by her Dad.
However, it's not you that has to sort things out. Let her speak to her father when things have settled down, when she feels the time is right, and when she's had some sleep.
Remember, you're a Dad now. He's probably doing what he thinks is best for his little girl - it's hard for men to watch their baby girls grow up and start a family of their own - it means they're no longer needed. Try looking at it that way and you may not feel so much anger. Don't forget that you're in a powerful position now - your son is your best bargaining tool. Try to get it resolved - it's hard to grow up without a granddad - I know, I did it.
2006-11-27 20:53:03 · answer #1 · answered by Roxy 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What does he feel you have actually done wrong? Until you know that it is difficult to answer the question. You have only really said his actions not what it is about.
In any case, I always think giving things time to just calm down is a good start.
Things always seem easier to deal with once you have had time to digest what has happened.
Then if the reason for the anger is down to your partners action (from his point of view) perhaps it would be good for them to have a heart to heart? Maybe without you in the scene as hard as it may be, his aggression may be less and he would listen more and therefore once his daughter explains how wonderful you are in a calmer environment he will come round. Possibly???
Then it is up to him to accept things as they are for her or to kindly refrain from visiting until he is ready to accept things, if not for his daughter then for his grandchild.
2006-11-27 21:19:20 · answer #2 · answered by peachy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't like you and what you haven't had to offer his daughter. Homeless with his daughter and given a flat, I imagine this wasn't his plan for her. I realize that he is acting out in a bad way but you need to look at the situation and see why. When you hold your son in your arms, do you ever want him to be in the situations you have been in? I imagine your answer is no and in the same token you wouldn't want to be like your father-in-law but when you are a parent you can become insane about this sort of thing. I see both sides and the only thing I can tell you is to take him with a "grain of salt", love your family and do the best you can to prove to him that you love his daughter enough to make a good life for her. I don't agree with his tactics but I do understand his frustrations. It is up to you to step up to the plate and be a man and take care of your family and if he still reacts in this way, be sure to let the door knob hit him in the @ss on his way out. Best of luck.
2006-11-27 21:01:45 · answer #3 · answered by chrissy757 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you should provide him a replica of what you basically wrote. you seem to be a very sensible woman. My fil under no circumstances had any understand for is spouse, positioned her down in the front of folk which consists of me. After many years, i began taking her area and telling him at the same time as he replaced into being a jerk. i comprehend the position you're coming from because my fil's mom and father were from Germany and he had that undesirable concepts-set about females. you want to communicate which include your dh in the previous you flow rocking the boat which include his human beings. good success.
2016-10-16 10:51:33 · answer #4 · answered by hosfield 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read the book
Dealing with people you can't stand.
It will label him with a personality type anf give you strategies on how to deal with him more effectively. Its hard to do and takes effort on your part to be the better person. But you're not looking for an easy solution are you?
2006-11-27 20:50:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now is the time for you to be thinking of your partner, and how she feels in all this...Does she want him out of your lives...Post part em depression can take a toll on you, and your gal...I would try to learn and forgive, and forget, and eventually everything will be OK for you three...Hostility isn't the answer...Is pop-in-law lonely, and depressed as well? Did he have money for your bail-out? You've got to rethink this matter for all of you to survive this anger welling up inside...I know it's not easy, but you must try to look at all of the angles in this, before you, yourself explode...I know my opinion may hurt, but we must learn how to deal with things rationally...Good luck in your lives...
2006-11-27 21:03:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you're not in the USA but if you're in the UK I'm sure they have Restraining Orders in place. Here, when one violates such an order, they can be arrested and the penalties are more severe than if he was picked up without an Order in place. Make it VERY clear that unless he changes, he is NOT welcome.
2006-11-27 21:02:37 · answer #7 · answered by CaliforniaT 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What did he do to the kid? I can understand you not liking him but; what did he do to the kid? shouldn't the kid make up his own mind when he is old enough? That's his grandfather and he should know him. Put your differences aside for an hour a week or every other week or once a month so the kid can know his family.
2006-11-27 20:51:12 · answer #8 · answered by bellbottombleus 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get a restraining order. 20 dollars at court house
2006-11-27 20:52:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont think theres any way you can actually stop him, shame he knows where you live, go for some legal advise you should beable to get an hour 'free' at most lawyers
good luck
2006-11-27 20:51:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋