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My brother died on Sunday 26th November and while I have accepted that he has gone I can't greive. I have a little cry every now and then but that is all. I know that people are different and that they greive in different ways.

When I found out on Sunday I was all over the place with different emotions. On the way to his house where my sister-in-law was I was angry becasue people where driving so slow and I just wanted to get to my brother. When I got there I burst into tears and then went into shock. Now two days later I am holding my own as it where and staying strong for my mum, who still has not come to terms with it and my dad, who is trying to be brave and then just collapses in a heap and sobs.

What shoud I do?

2006-11-27 20:38:07 · 43 answers · asked by megajen2000 3 in Family & Relationships Family

43 answers

hiya megajen, i`m so sorry to hear wots happened. my mum died on the 13th november 2004 and i`ve never greived her death until last night. last night it all came out. ur right, different people deal wiv it in different ways. i look after my dad who has alzheimers and i think i buried my feelings for my dads sake but in hindsight this was a mistake. i wished i greived for her wen she actually died. i feel like i was carrying around a burden for the last couple of years and i was also questioning myself. jen my advice to u is don`t hold it all in. let it all out. u`ll be much stronger for it in the long run for ur mum and dad. my dad is in respite care for a week to give me a break and i visited him yesterday and he was sooo unhappy and asked me to bring him home but i told him that we both needed this break. it made me feel guilty and made me start thinking about my mum. last night i cried like a baby from about 8 o clock till 5 in the morning and i feel so much better for it today. i actually feel like an awful burden has been lifted off my shoulders. all u can do is be there for ur mum and dad. they can get bereavement councelling. their doctor can advize on this. if u ever need to talk just email me. u`ll find ur feelings will be all over the place. if i can help u only ever have to ask. the same goes for anyone going through the same. my thoughts are wiv u and ur family

2006-11-28 00:32:24 · answer #1 · answered by graham f 3 · 0 0

I am sorry to hear about your brother. When I was 12 years old my 17 year old brother was killed in a car accident, and like you my emotions went back and forth. I am now 21 years old and still have mixed emotions about it. I think the shock of the loss and learning to except the reality can take over our time to cry. Almost like it hurts but is not yet real to you. First I would suggest to get some counciling for yourself to help you cope. Also I understand you want to stay strong for your mother but dont forget about yourself. Rather you want to cry or not give yourself sometime to think about what has happened. Cry with your parents so they can get it out. I dont think there is anything wrong with you, I think you are greiving in your own way just make sure you get it out when you feel like you need to. Again I am sorry for your loss.

2006-11-27 21:28:07 · answer #2 · answered by Alicia Goins 3 · 1 0

Sorry to hear of your brother passing away.... The only advice i can give is what i know about greiving.... Ive lost grand parents, and friends and the only thing i have found is that there are no set of rules, when my nan passed away i dint shed a tear and i thought i was being cold and had no feelings, but as soon as i stept outside the crematorium and saw all the flowers, i broke down... Just be strong for your mum and dad as that is all anyone can ask... and when then time is right you will grieve, but dont worry about it.

2006-11-27 20:48:52 · answer #3 · answered by 2 good 2 miss 6 · 0 0

Yes, you are right, that people grieve in different ways. You did cry, and you did face the situation. You did consider to be brave enough for your mom's sake and that is great. What should you do ? This is an early time to even think of what you should do, in terms of the greif part. Losing a loved one can leave you really numb, and it would be so difficult to come in terms with the fact that that special person is not going to be around anymore. It takes time, and it is normal that during this time you are absolutely depressed to even take anyone's advise. I know its easy to stay strong, be brave, and this is life, and this time it would be difficult for you to even see any sense if someone told you that. But I have to tell you all that. You have to be strong, brave and take control of the situation for your parents sake. And I know you are doing just that. But do not bottle up your feelings. Cry, talk, let the pain heal on its own, talk / share to someone on what is running in your mind. It will take some time. So accept that. And accept that you have lost a loved one, and he wont come back.

I feel sad for you. And i really do think you are a strong woman to be taking all this, all by yourself. After sometime, a few days, a few weeks, you would still miss him, but you would realise that your parents really need your support and strength. Be with them, and lessen the pain (which is difficult i know) of not having to see your brother again.

I really am sorry for you, and I really have no words to say or how to comfort you at this time, but yes, know that someone thought of your pain and knows exactly how you feel.

2006-11-27 20:48:51 · answer #4 · answered by arya 5 · 0 0

My deepest sympathy for your loss. You said it though, everybody is different, there is no set formula or proper way to grieve. At the moment your family need you to hold them together, that's what you are doing. You will begin to deal with your own grieve in time. Counselling may help you but not until you are ready and only you can know when that is. Grieving is not something you do for a few weeks then get over. You will never completely recover from the loss of your brother, you'll just come to terms with it eventually.

my thoughts are with you and your family.

2006-11-27 20:48:50 · answer #5 · answered by gerrifriend 6 · 0 0

My father passed away in September and I haven't cried yet. It worried me at the beginning as I didn't cry at the funeral. I even carried the coffin when one of the undertakers assistants was delayed. Everyone deals with things in different ways and the loss of a close loved one is normally very hard to take. I suppose some people need to grieve in the emotional way whereas others have the ability to accept it as part of life and move on.

Carry on what you are doing. My mother and sisters were gald there was someone there composed enough to be practical.

My sympathies for your brothers death.

2006-11-27 20:45:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Hello Dear,

Sorry to hear of your great loss.We all go throught the different stages of greiving,my husband lost his father two years ago..and for a while he was very angry..your feelings will never overwelm you,crying will be a great thing when it comes,i think you perhaps feel emontionaly numb right now..and it is all normal,take each day bit by bit..it is not an easy journey..but there will come a time of releasing tension and crying..for now write down some of the things you feel..keep a diary..talk to your relatives..offer each other support.Going for walks helps,and try to focu on the wonderful things he brought into your life.Please also take "bach -flower-remedy" from the chemist..it will help ease the tension..the other one is "valarian"..all these work on emontions and are a natural remedy to assist you.Please take care...time is the only healer.

a big hug from me and to your family.

2006-11-28 06:58:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

My father passed away when I was nine. May I say I am sorry for your loss. I didn't grieve at all showed no emotions but hate as my father commited suicide on my birthday. This a completly different situation to yours, but I understand where you are coming from as I stayed 'Strong' for my mother who had 3 nervous breakdowns and turned into an alcoholic I felt I couldn't cry and I had to be there for her. I also felt like I couldn't speak to my family about it as every time I did they cried. All I have to say is don't worry when you need to cry you will your just being protective at the moment and your head will be full of flying thoughts once there gone things will be clearer. Keep your chin up. And I hope things will get better for you

2006-11-27 22:11:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Nothing. Just take your time and deal with it your own way. People grieve in different ways and to be honest, this early on after your brother's death, it probably doesn't feel like he has gone yet. Its OK to cry, its ok not to cry. Everyone has different ways of coping. Your way of coping is to be strong for your parents. I too reacted like this in a similar situation. I felt that as long as my parents were ok, I would be ok - that's why I was strong for them. It was like a comfort to me. Maybe you're doing the same? However, I imagine you haven't had the funeral yet? The funeral is usually the time it hits home and you can out pour your grief and say good bye. A death conjures up a lot of emotions, not just sadness. You have anger, shock, disbelief and anxiety amongst many others to cope with. Allow yourself to feel all these things. You have my deepest sympathy and my thoughts are with you and your family at this difficult time.

2006-11-27 21:56:48 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0 0

This is you trying to be strong for your family, you will greive when you are ready. The best way to get out all your feelings is to talk about it or write your feelings in a journal, you will greive in your own time. Don't rush it. Don't bottle it all up though always speak about it otherwise it will make you sick in the long run, i am sorry for your loss. Good luck.

2006-11-27 20:41:59 · answer #10 · answered by ♥ Princess ♥ 6 · 0 0

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