Help me determine whether I should stay with this guy.?

Question

These are the facts. He is really nice to me. He helps me around the house all the time. He is generous. He is very handsome. He constantly checks out other women way beyond what is considered normal and not just women, he is in his late 30's and checks out girls 14 or 15 yrs old. He lies a lot. He has called other women and lied about it. In fact I just posted a question about him calling a woman from work. I've seen him trying to meet other women when we go out to clubs together. He just gets angry when I try to talk to him about these things, so it can never be rectified. The bottom line is I just dont trust him. What should I do? And please again, no more "your crazy" answers from the men. You just dont understand how much crap a woman will take before she leaves. I feel like such a doormat, but I love him so much it hurts.

Answer 1

If u dont trust him, is better that u leave him.
& the way that he hurt u, it doesnt makes sense why u still wanna be with him.
If he really love u he wont do that to u.

Answer 2

Hello meeahcat,

I will start with his looking at other women, especially the 14 year old ones. All men look at other women, no exceptions; whenever a good looking women walks down the street you just can’t help taking a look. It’s nothing sexual, nothing to make a fuss about; it’s just that beauty attracts the eye. If you pay more attention, you’ll realize that sometimes he’ll stare at cars, paintings, monuments, or even other men. Concerning the 14 year old girls, that can be a bit more problematic. Do they really look 14-15 or more like 18? Young girls have changed a lot since his youth. I know I sometimes get fooled by good looking 14-15 year old girls simply because look 20 and I’m only 28. If you really have a doubt, keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn’t give a 10 year old an envious stare.

Now about those other women; of course he calls other women! He calls his mom, maybe sisters, friends and colleagues. You obviously are a little jealous and if he loves you he’ll lie to you simply to avoid hurting you or getting into a useless argument about it. What’s so bad about meeting other girls in clubs? Some men like to seduce, it’s no big deal as long as he doesn’t ‘censored’ them, is it? Be very careful with jealousy, if you’re always watching him he’ll notice it and will feel very offended about it. And men usually are cowards; he’ll make sure he finds a nice place to lay his head on before dumping you.

If he loves you and you’re on his back all the time, he’ll do what he likes behind your back. Assume he enjoys going at the bar with his friends after work, would you believe him if he told you so? He probably thinks you don’t and would lie to you about it.

If you really love that man I think you should try giving him a break. Let him do things his way and watch where this is getting too. Chances are he’ll love you even more that way. If he wants to cheat on you, he will, and locking him up won’t stop him. You’re both getting hurt in this story and it doesn’t have to be that way. If he ever dares come home half drunk with his balls empty smelling another girl’s perfume, dump the rotten bastard.

Hope this helps,

Gnarl

Answer 3

The thing that stood out most to me (that you said) is the thing about how he gets angry when you try to talk to him about this stuff. That is a classic manipulative move aimed at stopping you from calling him on what he does by making it so uncomfortable for you you just give up. Slimy. Slimy. Slimy.

As far as "handsome" goes: It doesn't go very far as far as I'm concerned. Neither does helping around the house. Those two things you mentioned are so superficial they just don't cut it when it comes to "attributes". The checking out of super-young girls adds to the slime factor, doesn't it...

"Generous" is kind of a superficial thing too. It seems to me you are placing importance of some relatively superficial things. Is that because they matter a lot to you or because they're the only good things he has going for him?

Love is about respect and admiration and trust and wanting to protect someone. Its also about both people feeling really happy together and maybe even feeling as if the other makes them a better person in some way. You say you don't trust him, and you feel like a doormat.

I can see how if he's handsome and generous and nice to you (particularly if you're someone who has not been treated well in the past) you could see these good things about him as "loving him". I even wonder if these good things about him make you think "you can't expect someone to be perfect/you have to overlook some things" or else "Hey - I have a good guy here. Being without this handsome, nice, person would stink."

If you stay in this relationship you will assure that you will never have the right kind of relationship. You will know that you will settle for a partial relationship in which you feel like a doormat.
You do, however, run the risk of letting it get to the point where he pulls some crap and makes you stop "loving" him enough to leave him - so staying is one option. Chances are, what you'll do is stay until he does enough to kill whatever you think is love for him.

I'm not saying he's abusive, but women of abusive relationships often stay because the guy is "otherwise so good". Women in abusive relationships are told to ask if this is the relationship they'd like for their mother, daughter, sister, or best friend. Also, picture the little girl you were when you were four years old or so; and ask if this is what you would want for her if she were your little girl.

You need to ask yourself if you want the kind of love that is the right kind, which means it makes you happy and certainly doesn't hurt. You need to ask yourself if being a doormat is better than being alone. You need to ask what the emotional cost may be to you if you remain a doormat for much longer. (There will be an emotional price, and you may not even realize you're paying it.)

You're at the point where you are thinking about leaving. One of these days you will become very certain that leaving is what you want to do. I'm not sure you can hasten that day by thinking of all the pros and cons of staying versus leaving right now.

(One final note: The thing about his trying to meet women when you go out together shows that he's a real piece of work. I have to say if you're not married and are just living together - I really think you know what you need to do.)

Answer 4

I know how you feel. At least about the part where you say you love him so much it hurts. I am in a bind myself w/the guy I love, sorry for your situation. Anyways, down to business. First off, have the two of u verbally agreed or aknowledged that you are boyfriend/girlfriend? If so, than there is no excuse on his part for his actions. But lets say in his head his idea of boyfriend/girlfriend is not something you would have agreed on or said yes to if you would have known about this ahead of time, than all you can do is learn from your mistake and move forward and the next fellow that comes along just remember that boyfriend/ girlfriend time you find yourself in this idea of boyfriend/girlfriend might not mean the same to him as it does to you, so dont hesitate to ask questions about his thoughts on the subject, before you take that next step. Good Luck.

Answer 5

My sweet woman, I know exactly how u feel.
My 2nd bf cheated on me with another chick. (Ok Im 15)
The way he looks doesnt count. If he is looking at girls that are way 2 young 4 him or if he is chatting up other girls, then he is not worth seeing anymore. By the way you were perfectly describing the facts, he is nothing more than a perv and a groper on younger girls. My bf checked out this girl who was 6 years younger than he was! I told him to shove it and see someone else who doen't care how he treats her.
You are a woman who needs to find a man who forms attachments to the following:
A man who loves you and you only.
A man who doesnt perv on other girls way younger than himself.
A man who will sacrifice any thing for you and respect you.

Good Luck sweetheart.

P.S email me if any more probs
[e-mail]

Answer 6

He's given you more than enough reasons to say 'goodbye' to him.
I have a fantastic book, written by the "Sex And The City" writers, called "He's Just Not That Into You."
The main writer, a male called Greg, tells us girls just what a man's actions and 'words' really mean.
He (Greg) has done us a great favor writing it. It helps us get to know when we should respect ourselves and value ourselves more, enough to say to some men "Goodbye" (well, 'bugger-off' was what I really wanted to say here :) )
It's a great read and very funny too.
Go girl.

Answer 7

you dont need him.let me repeat that ,you dont need him.because of his good looks and generosity and all, you have come to believe that you cant live without him.
i think you are going to have to choose between sticking around for the money and the looks, or getting out before you get seriously hurt emotionally.if you dont get out, he will land someone else,probably a 19 year old, and you will still be out. the earlier the better.
why dont you try getting your sense of imortance and appreciation from God.no Man cant love you the way God can.

Answer 8

Sorry sweetie, but you did just answer your own question. You've presented an excellent argument for why you should leave him, so why haven't you? Because you "love" him? Love is supposed to be based on respect and you don't even respect yourself if you call how he treats you "love." If you want to stay with him, that's cool, just be aware that he will not stop abusing you in this fashion and by choosing to stay with him, you are telling him and yourself that his behavior is acceptable.

Answer 9

Meeahcat, please! Get a grip. This guy thus not love u I think his just using u. Do u know that when u in a relationship than it's easier to get another guy or girl. When u single than it's exactly hard to find your missing link so what sould your next step be? Dump Dump Dump his asssssssssssssss

Answer 10

if you dont trust him then yall dont have a relationship its nothing he may love you but he still needs to com in cantact with his self . he is not ready for u . you sound like you are a good girlfriend and when you leave him he is going o see that you were truely for him but when he tries to come back tell him whats on your mind tell him the biz