Why am I so lonely? Why do I feel like I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life?

Question

I am in graduate school and entering a doctoral program next fall. I am intelligent, outgoing, very attractive and ambitious. I come from a loving, intact family. I have great friends and have no trouble meeting new people. I also volunteer in my community and my church.

I also consider myself to be a strong person. Earlier this year, I was involved in an emotionally abusive relationship during which I got pregnant. I was working two jobs and in school. My ex-bf refused to acknowledge the pregnancy or me. I suffered a miscarriage and then a nervious breakdown. Since then, I have created and lead a student organization. Anyone looking at me would think that I have it all. However, for the past couple of months, I have been feeling incredibly lonely and incomplete. I've tried dating but I haven't had much luck. With each failed relationship, I just end up feeling more lonely. I no longer have the energy for it.

I feel like God has forgotten all about me. My greatest desire is to be married and have children but I've lost faith. I don't understand why I haven't found anyone yet (I'm 28) and it bothers me. I'm trying to keep my faith in God but I know that it's weakening. Can you help me? What is wrong with me?

Answer 1

May be you are in the wrong church. I don't know of what denomination you might attend, but there could be a problem here. Visit an independent, bible teaching church if you are not already attending one. Learn the bible and get to know God, don't just go to church to go to church. Many people who go to church regularly are not saved and really don't know what being a Christian is really about. If you truely know Christ, you'll never be lonely and your prayers will be answered. Don't try to put it on a time line though, let God do it in his own time.

Answer 2

You sound like an incredible person, and very busy!! You won't be alone for long. I'm a man and I'm trying to relate to how you must be feeling right now. Look, life has its ups and downs and its natural to have hopes and fears for the future. There is nothing "wrong with you" but perhaps you would benefit from speaking to qualified person about your situation and feelings. You have had a miscarriage and a nervous breakdown. My wife suffered from depression after the birth of our second child - pregnancy causes huge hormonal changes to your body, perhaps your miscarriage has triggered depression in you. Don't allow yourself to spiral down into a deep dark hole - as you say, you are a strong person and apparently quite intelligent. The lights will come on and you will be alright - you may just need a little help to get over this period in your life.
You are 28 - there is still plenty of time to find the right man and have a family. There is a man somewhere looking for "you" at this moment ! Don't lose hope, God hasn't forgotten about you, nor has your loving family. You have a bright future - get ready to enjoy it !!!!

Answer 3

No matter how strong you are, there's no denying you've had a lot going on and some pretty rough times this year. It may be tempting to look for another relationship right now, but it sounds like you just need to slow down and remember how to be happy before you jump into something like that.

Any one of the activities you describe-- graduate school, running a student organization, keeping active in your community and church-- is a lot to take on even when you're up to par. By creating such a flurry of activity around you, I'm worried that you haven't let yourself mourn over the rotten time you've had. As I think you've been discovering, your feelings won't go away just because you're pushing them to the side. There's nothing wrong or weak about feeling sad when you've got reason(s) to be sad.

Since you say you've got a good support system, I'd say this is the time to go to them for support. You might also consider seeing a therapist or talking to your priest or minister. Really being involved in your community means accepting as well as giving help.

All the best.

Answer 4

There is nothing wrong with you -- it is natural for people to feel as you do at times. I suggest that you spend more effort looking for a man to spend some time with, and the first thing to do on that front is to tabulate what do you want, what do you not want, and from that you can draw a plausible conclusion as to where to find such a person. You have to keep at it. I went through a number of busts before I found what I needed; the primary requisite was superior intelligence (the smarter the woman was, the better the relationship worked), so I joined Mensa and started looking there. Score!

Answer 5

Best thing is to speak to God in your loneliness. He is your creator. And only he can understand you. YOu'll never find a perfect relationship in this world. Because no human being can ever fully understand another human. I faced this same situation some years ago. And I realized that it is a vain thing to look for human help. TOday I am a very happy and satisfied man.

Answer 6

Nothing wrong. Have you been checked for post partum depression? That can manifest even after a miscarriage. The miscarriage itself could be part of the emotional trumoil you are experiencing as your physiology returns to its normal state. Everyone has those feelings...that longing....that loneliness...I certainly have...all we can do is keep finding ways to distract ourselves so that we don't nitice the pasage of time while searching for that love that alwyas seems to be just out of reach....even though everyone ELSE seems to have found it...

Answer 7

There was once a young man who wanted to be in an army and serve his country. He went in for that and they refused to take him in because he was short-sighted. He was devastated. he was very sad for a very long time and said "why God? why me" a lot.

Then he gave up and went to med school. He became a very succesful doctor saved countless lives and all that jazz.

When he died he went to heaven and met God. He asked Him, "why won't you let me get me in the army?"

He said, "You'd have died in the first war you went for. I made sure you saved a lot of lives."

Moral: God has a plan. It's better than yours. And you won't get to know unless you get to heaven.

(This is not an original story. I plagiarized it from somewhere I can't remember)

Answer 8

Hi, nvrbeenki, you are not alone,ll Corinthians 4:7-9 says
But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.
8th, We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; 9th, Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed. READ!! Psalm 121 and I hope it helps you as much as it helps me. Stay busy, and look up,because Jesus Loves you, and so do I !!!!!!!!.

Answer 9

In no way has he forgotten you! Tell you like this God might be doing one of two things either way they work to your advantage:
1 He is preparing you for that person he has made you for (other than Himself)
2 He is preparing that person for you.
Take this time to learn about yourself, growing closer to God, and figuring out who it is that he has placed on this earth for you to be with. You might want to let him work on you and them so that nothing can go worng when you finally do connect with this person.

Answer 10

God haven't forgotten you,please don't think he have.It sound like you need to talk to someone.Don't give up,calm down and take a little break.Sometimes it take time,but things will work out.